Worry wart in need of help

[Annaros987]

Hello all

Now where do I start. Firstly I guess my aim today is speak to someone who can give me some advice or even relate to my concerns.

I'm 28, not a parent and have met the man of my dreams whom in which we have spoken about having children in the next year or so.

When I was much younger I fell pregnant, it wasn't planned and I had an abortion, I know that'll create mixed views but as sad as it makes me feel I believed at the time I was doing the right thing. So please no negativity!

I have always suffered from irregular periods, but I've always had them, they might just turn up a week or two late but I'm used to it. It used to frustrate me when my friends knew down to the day and mine just comes and goes as it pleases.

Now for the more personal part, I've always been a hairy-ish (I'm no gorilla lol) where I get hair on my face (thick - probably due to me plucking), few on my chest and breasts. So this to me screams POS. I've had check ups and had blood tests in the past and it's come back all clear. Although I understand you'd need a scan to pick up POS.

Now combined with being overweight (not hugely) and not with the best diet, my partner and myself have decided to wait to try for children until we have adopted a healthier lifestyle and in hand (in theory) made it easier to conceive.

So my real question is as I was pregnant before can I lose my fertility? Has anyone got POS?

I worry so much about conceiving. My partner is perfect and I'll feel like a huge let down if it doesn't happen. It would be absolutely perfect to have his children but now I'm not sure it'll happen.

I must add, I worry a lot. To the extent of I came off my pill because I know sometimes periods don't come back and I had to make sure!

Any help or advice (nothing to make me further concerned please) will be much appreciated.

Thank you

Anna

X

[CatnipMouse]

Hey there. I doubt anyone will give you a hard time over the abortion, it was the right thing for you at the time and you mustn't stress over it now. I really doubt it will have impaired your fertility now, especially as you don't say that there were any complications with it.

Lots of people have polycystic ovaries and concieve fine, some people need a bit of extra time or help. But you don't know if you do have it so I would say get back to the doctor and ask for repeat tests. You may not have it at all, a bit of hair and some extra weight is not unusual. Maybe if you manage to lose a bit of weight the other things will improve too? Thinking about babies is a really good motivation for improving your lifestyle!

I also want to say you are YOUNG (at least compared to me at nearly 40!) and do not need to panic. You've got a nice bloke who sounds like he's on the same page as you and you've got time on your side. Chill out a bit! (Meant nicely!) Xx

[ALongTimeComing]

The things you are worrying about physically was similar to me. I supposedly didn't have PCOS but my progesterone levels were very very low. I had to have clomid to get pregnant.

[FlatWhiteToGo]

I agree with everything Catnip says.

1. Don't feel bad about the abortion. I don't think people on here will judge you as we have all made "mistakes" in our past.
   
2. It is highly unlikely that the abortion has affected your fertility, especially if there were no complications.
   
3. You don't know if you have PCOS. You may just be hairy .
   
4. Even if you do have PCOS there are things they can do. Also, from my own experience, all my friends who have PCOS who were worried about conceiving actually conceived really quickly (like, sub 6 months). The ones that are struggling (like myself) have no obvious "cause".
   
5. Absolutely, in the nicest possible way, chill out . Going into TTC stressed and anxious will just make the whole thing worse for you and your partner. I don't believe the whole "relax and it will happen" cr*p, but TTC naturally gets very disheartening for many people as most of us don't get BFPs as quickly as we would like. If you're able to approach it with a "this is unlikely to happen for a few months minimum" attitude you will be better off than expecting it to happen quickly then getting stressed when it (probably) doesn't. It's really hard when you get to the 3 month, 6 month, year mark, and the panic starts to set in, but remember it takes many couples a year+ to conceive so don't panic too much if the first year passes with no BFP (I say that being very hypocritical because I got very worried after 6+ months!!).
   
6. You are doing the best possible thing by losing weight and getting healthy. It will only help you! That said, some of the most unhealthy and overweight people I know fell pregnant really quickly, then others who are super health-conscious have struggled. I still think it is worthwhile being as physically and mentally healthy as you can be at the start, because if you're lucky enough to get a BFP then it'll be better for the health of the baby.
   
   Good luck!

[Annaros987]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wasn't sure whether I was in the right place as I don't have children, although I have a fur baby and I'm sure that must count!

Perhaps I am just hairy, I'll go with that until I know otherwise and that said, I will pop along to my GP.

Yes I do need to chill out. Your right. Worrying gets you no where but that little bit of reassurance is well, reassuring! Lol.

28 I guess is still young but I've only just recently felt I would be ready for children. Saying that, most of my friends have had children much earlier than me and although I don't succumb to peer pressure it does make me wonder if I need to myself into gear.

As for the health thing and losing weight. I totally agree it puts you mentally and physically in a better position. Plus I really want to have as much energy as possible as I've been told babies are tiresome work?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I would concur with the responses made but the possibility of you having PCOS cannot be completely ruled out here (this is because of the history of irregular periods and hirsuitism). Its a very individualistic disorder and affects each woman with it very differently.

(I was diagnosed with PCOS based on my history of irregular periods and some degree of hirsuitism).

Following a low GI/GL eating plan would be beneficial to you if you want to lose weight safely and slowly. Its also sustainable in the long term to do as well.

Having PCOS does not mean you will not become a parent but you may well need some medical help in order to conceive.

Given your history of irregular periods and the hirsuitism I would seek medical advice sooner rather than later. I would see if they would be willing to do an internal ultrasound scan to see what your ovaries look like. I would also see if they would do a blood test; a day 2 one initially to compare the level of LH (luteinising hormone) against that of FSH (follicle stimulation hormone). With PCOS the level of LH is sometimes a lot higher than that of FSH.

It will be of benefit to you to seek a diagnosis and go from there; stress in itself does not cause such problems to arise, physical problems do.

[Duckdeamon]

How long have you known your boyfriend? It sounds like the relationship has moved fast. If you're not planning to get married before ttc it'd be sensible to discuss financial arrangements such as who will/won't work less or not at all if you have a child (since if you earn less and / or would be the one reducing hours at work you'd be in a financially vulnerable position unmarried).

[FlatWhiteToGo]

Good luck. It sounds like you're being sensible (i.e. getting yourself healthy) .

Don't worry too much about your age. I'd just make sure you really feel ready to be a mum and want that sooner rather than later. Don't do it because you think you should be doing it because you're 28 (because that's really not old IMHO!) or because you're the only one in your friendship group without a child. If you're leaning towards motherhood and think you may want it quite soon, I'd get yourself as healthy as possible (I know I keep saying that!), think about your finances (if you're a worry wart you're probably doing that anyway!) then do the things you think you'd miss out on if you got pregnant/had children (e.g. are there any countries you've always wanted to visit/trips you want to take/career changes you want to make/other things you want to do that would be difficult with a child?).

Don't stress about what may or may not happen in the future; just think about the here and now and how you can make the most of what you have now whilst preparing for your future .

[Annaros987]

Financially we're fine. I have a good job and he owns his own business. If I wanted to I could stop work but I'm independent so I wouldn't do that. I will pop down to the doctors because as its good to know about any possible complications with fertility before trying to conceive, might save some frustration.