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Coping mechanisms

6 replies

MehMehM3h · 13/12/2015 22:12

How do you guys cope? Normally I'm ok, normally I get on with my day etc. Sometimes though, the reality of this shitty situation hits me and I feel like crap, which then takes a while to shift!

Even other people's pregnancy announcement hurts...not because they are pregnant, it's just another reminder that I am not and potentially may never be.

Meh

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lugo40 · 14/12/2015 07:11

I find I have been incredibly up and down to be honest. Early on in the process whe we first had the male infertility diagnosis I found it really hard so took time off work had counselling and just grieved. 6 months on I'm normally ok but every now and then feel utterly devastated again. I cope by just talking about it really. Allowing myself to feel sad and think how shit it is but also having a plan and strategy. Knowing we're doing everything we possibly can helps. I'm looking weight with slimming world so I focus and throw myself into that which helps me feel like I'm doing something to help. And I've made an awesome friend of support via this site and we text or email which is a huge help as we're going through the same thing. Real life friends try but it's so hard to understand when you haven't been through it.

It's ok to feel crap sometimes. Your not failing to cope, it's just a normal reaction to your shit situation.

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Highlove · 14/12/2015 14:00

It's really tough. I went to a support group which I found good - just an opportunity to vent at people who understood. I also lost some weight, which gave me a focus. But all the same, I had days like you when it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was inconsolable - I think that's pretty inevitable and you just have to go with it, cry, scream, rant, whatever. Generally that'd be followed by me going into obsessive research and planning about our next treatment. I wouldn't really say I coped well, I just muddled through. My first counselling experience was a bit shit but I found the right person and that helped, too - it didn't really change how I felt but mainly it did give me chance to vent for an hour or two and clear my head/chest. Also, getting outrageously drunk every now and then.

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MehMehM3h · 14/12/2015 21:13

Thanks ladies. I'm ok normally and generally the exercising helps. However due to a few injuries I haven't been able to exercise and that hasn't been great - exercise usually calms my crazy.

I've had my (younger, a lot younger) sister tell me to stop being miserable as it's Christmas and to talk to her when I am in a better mood. Lovely.

I definitely need to snap out of it as I keep eating crap!

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Snowqueen2014 · 16/12/2015 20:56

I found it so hard when we first found out and just didn't know how to cope. I was crying all the time so after months I final told someone I work with only now to be told she is pregnant. I feel like my world has ended again and see it as a reminder of what I can't have so that night I decided I needed a change a new hair style , new make up and retail therapy although it still hurts I now have something nice planned each month so I can stay focused on my treatment. If u ever want to talk pm me even its just a rant x

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Annie0123 · 16/12/2015 22:26

I've been finding it really difficult. To be honest the worst thing is finding out about other pregnancies - when we started trying I had very few family/ friends with children now most are on number two! It's just frustrating that for everybody else I know it's just been effortless and we still don't know why we can't conceive.

Anyway I found myself in some pretty dark places earlier this year but I'm lucky enough to have found a really nice GP who's been though IVF herself and she's given some great advice which has really helped me out of it. I concentrate on just trying to do as much as I can to improve my mood and my health - made dietary changes, take certain supplements, exercise etc. I find regular yoga really helps and have been having acupuncture. I've also started doing mindfulness - I have an app on my phone which I listen to on the way to work which is great. It helps you just zone out and relax.

Don't get me wrong, I still get down every now and then but I feel much more like my old self again. Hope this helps and definitely interested to hear what works for other people!

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MehMehM3h · 17/12/2015 20:53

Thanks Annie and Snowqueen! The pregnancy announcements are hard and I agree - when you see friends are on their second and you don't have one...It's frustrating!

I've been throwing myself into work which is a double edged sword! I'm doing well but it is a bit stressful too. Exercise is definitely one surefire thing to give me one hour of not thinking about this stuff.

It was a really dark place for us when we got the news and we were really both quiteams upset. It seemed like we were waiting for something...It all sucked. When we adopted our cat that helped a lot - it gave us something to focus on and brings us happiness.

I remember a friend telling me that I should have something to look forward to every month.. I need to do that again. Tbh right now I really need a holiday!

Venting here always helps :-)