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Feeling low

(8 Posts)
Demoiselle Wed 11-Nov-15 16:54:40

^Hey it's my first time posting on here. I jus let need somewhere to let it all out...

Our story goes.... I'm 27 my dh is 36. We have been married 5 years. We have been ttc for 4 years. My dh has 3 children from a previous marriage which I am raising ds 14, dd 10 and ds 9.^
Whilst I love our children I have always wanted to^ give birth to ^a child and experience all that goes with it.

I have visited the gynaecologist and they weren't too helpful saw I was obese and had excess hair on my body and told me I had to drastically lose weight. My next appointment would be scheduled 4 months from that date giving me a chance to lose weight. Told me I didn't have a chance at anything with my weight not Ivf or chlomid etc.^
^So yes I was very disheartened. I'm 5'8 and weigh about 16.7 st.

Funny thing is for the first 2 years of ttc I wasn't this big. During that time I saw my own gp and she told me to get my bloods done and they came back normal. Thing is I find it really hard to diet. I comfort eat. When I'm upset I eat. When I want to forget what I feel I eat. So because I dreaded what the gyno would say I kept forwarding my appt in the hope I would lose weight. I tried but I jus couldn't stick to anything. I would be dieting until I was feeling down then I would forget and remember later!sad^ I am joining the gym and starting slimming world so let's hope that does the trick!^

It really gets to me not being able to conceive. My dh doesn't seem to bothered but then I guess I never expected him to be. I feel so alone at times.
I love the kids but it's jus I feel like a part time mum. They spend holidays with their birth mom. So when they go I jus don't know what to do with myself. It feels like someone has ripped away being a mother from me. It makes me want a child so much more. One that is with me always no one can take away.

Last week one of my closest friends had a baby and I was so happy for them but so sad for me so I went into my sad phase and spent the weekend in pajamas doing nothing but being sad. Someone else I know is due in a couple of months and I am so happy for her but sad for me.

I have tried all sorts to try and get past this. Told myself to be happy with what I have atleast I have children to love and raise so what if I didn't give birth them. Even when kids go away in holidays I try to remind myself of how it's nice for me and dh it's back to our honeymoon days. I tell myself the sleep I would lose. The freedom I would lose to just up and go without having to worry about getting a baby^^ ready. Etc.^^
Telling myself all this worked for a while but it won't any longer!^ sad^ now I just have a want I can't shake. I always wanted to have my children early so I could grow with them. I'm the youngest of my siblings and my parents were older. But alas we don't always get what we want.

So I have started charting my temp. Me and dh are taking pregnacare conception. Also started taking herbal supplements prescribed by a Chinese doctor.

How do you cope with the concept of infertility and never having your own child?

And is there anything else I should be doing or taking to better my chances?^

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 11-Nov-15 17:31:03

What blood test results were initially given to you; what hormone levels did they look at and on what cycle day?.

I am sorry that the gynae was not too helpful either. Weight in itself should not be a barrier to receiving treatment; did they not explain anything about polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I ask only as there is hirsuitism too (excess hair and that should have made them think about this being a possibility). I guess you still have no diagnosis and I think they have been too readily dismissive of you.

Your man should also be tested in tandem with your own tests to see if there are any male factor issues present; it is no point in doing tests solely on you.

I would look into following a low GI/GL eating plan; this is also sustainable in the long term also.

I would ditch the temp charting now particularly if your periods are irregular in nature (you do not mention what your menstrual cycle is like but if it is irregular it is really not worth either the time and effort). Also at 4 plus years of ttc anyway you are well beyond using such things. Same with the herbal Chinese medicine; it may not be at all helpful to you either.

Demoiselle Wed 11-Nov-15 17:50:07

Sorry I wrote so much and forgot those key little things.

I was supposed to write in with regards to excess hair gynae told me its pcos.

Blood tests were done at start of cycle and on day 21.

My cycle was regular at 36days until a few months ago when it went to 30days

Dh gave sample in once at gp request we didn't hear anything back then when we went to see gynae they said they would send the forms out for him to drop sample off, no forms came I called them several times but still no forms. Twice they told me they were in post but never came.confused

I'll look into the gi diet. Thank you.

I do have appointment with the gynae coming up next month what should I say or ask... I'm jus not sure anymore

Thank you for taking the time to read and replysmile

Demoiselle Wed 11-Nov-15 17:54:03

Sorry forgot again.

For pcos they offered me dianette which is a little pointless if I'm ttc. Besides that said nothing they can do for it.

TwinkleStars15 Wed 11-Nov-15 19:11:27

Hi Demoiselle, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but they really won't do anything until your BMI is under 30, they are really really strict on this. That said, you should be offered some support with your pcos so I would push for this. If, and this is a big if, you ever need IVF to help you conceive, your BMI has to be under 30 consistently for 6 months.
Goodluck with your appointment flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 11-Nov-15 21:03:19

"For pcos they offered me dianette which is a little pointless if I'm ttc. Besides that said nothing they can do for it".

This is rubbish on both counts. I would not return to this hospital unit and instead ask to be re-referred to another subfertility unit in the nearest city to you. Consider complaining to PALS.

Thought that PCOS was the issue here; the excess hair you mentioned was the giveaway.

Semen analysis should be redone and preferably within a hospital setting.

They could have potentially offered you metformin which can be helpful to some PCOS patients. Weight in itself should not be the barrier here to you getting treatment.

Not all PCOS patients by any means need IVF to conceive; infact IVF should only be offered when all other treatment options have been exhausted. PCOSers also run a high risk of ovarian hyperstimulation hence IVF should be offered with extreme caution.

Demoiselle Thu 12-Nov-15 00:17:32

Thank you for your kind replies.

I think I have just accepted whatever the doctors said. Them being the professionals!

I really did just give up on the doctors first gynae I saw told me go on dianette for my pcos. Next gynae told me i need to drastically lose weight before they can do anything else.

Would it be better if I got referred to a reproductive endocrinologist?

nuttynutter Wed 02-Dec-15 04:54:26

No specialist on fertility here to tbh just stumbled upon this thread trying to figure out what my really long cycles mean..think i had a chemical at the weekend and could really do with sum advice..sorry to hear ur goin through all this docs can b soo clinical and uncompassionate sumtimes. I get what u mean bout the whole happy for ur friends having babies but sad for urself thing sum ppl seem to get pregnant without even tryin it sounds cliche but it feelssoo tru..dnt let the docs drag u down n give up hope keep fightin for answers message me if u ever need sumone to talk

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