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"Screaming babies – it's all Mum's fault for fussing"

(15 Posts)
LovelyTinOfSpam Sun 06-Sep-09 19:47:52

in the independent today

More guilt on mums or interesting research?

TheCrackFox Sun 06-Sep-09 19:52:25

More guilt tripping bilge. How did I get a shit sleeper and an amazing sleeper? Was only one "all in my mind"?

Bollocks to that.

Egg Sun 06-Sep-09 19:52:37

Didn't read the whole article but I have twins. I always treated them exactly the same as newborns and tried to leave them to settle themselves as much as possible. One twin slept really well from quite early on and slept through the night from about 3 months, the other had to have sleep training at 6 months and was apparently the hardest baby the sleep nanny ever worked with...

sherby Sun 06-Sep-09 19:55:11

wow what a surprise the mums that cuddled/soothed their babies had babies that needed more attention

the mums that left their babies and didn't soothe them had babies that effectively shut down and stopped looking for cuddles/soothing

how much did that piece of crap cost?

franklymydear Sun 06-Sep-09 19:55:42

"the more a baby's mum tried to help her child sleep, the worse that child's sleep then became"

agree within limits - it's the fussing rather than the matter-of-fact approach in my mind.
But then I co-slept all 4 of mine

PinkTulips Sun 06-Sep-09 20:12:51

I fully accept that this is true... i've known since i had dd.

I've had 3 babies who sleep bady, fuss a fair bit and shout for attention alot.

But you know what, i'm happier and they're better cared for if i actually give them that attention so i did the same with all three.... in fact, i've been getting progressively softer, ds2 sleeps on me all evening on the couch grin

I'm glad my babies know that when they cry i come to them and try and make it better... i'm not adverse to letting them air their lungs once they've had a cuddle/feed/nappy change if it's clear they won't settle and i need to be doing something but it'll be in the room with me and only until i've finished whatever job i'm doing and can pick them up.

If they need to feed to sleep 20 times a night as babies then so what... my 4 and 3 year old fall asleep at bedtime in their beds and sleep til morning every night so it clearly hasn't had any negative long term affects has it?

good sleeping isn't a good thing in a baby imo.... babies should wake often, it's not natural for a baby to sleep through and wrong to force it.

MIAonline Sun 06-Sep-09 20:12:53

Another badly written piece linked to parenting, with very little fact and focusing on only one aspect.

I detest these articles now, knowing that they will only pile on guilt to parents and it gives credence to an approach that is not looked at in full or with any long term issues in mind.

LovelyTinOfSpam Sun 06-Sep-09 20:46:09

Wow we have consensus!

Personally I think a lot of this research is a total waste of time. We need to be encouraging women to get to know their babies and to trust their own instincts.

cory Mon 07-Sep-09 08:02:35

Yeah and another piece of groundbreaking research which I just cooked up off the top of my head shows that people who enunciate clearly are statistically more likely to have relatives who are hard of hearing: therefore enunciating clearly causes deafness. Also, parents who push their children in a wheelchair are more likely to have children with mobility problems- therefore wheelchairs cause mobility problems

it must be lovely to be able to do research by feeding figures into a graph and never worrying about cause and effect- wish I could get away with that hmm

"Elizabeth Danowski, executive director of OXPIP, an Oxford-based charity that supports new parents who are finding life tough, said it was easy for anxious parents to hit a "negative loop" of creating anxious babies who would then sleep or eat badly. "If parents have struggled with anxiety in the past that will be a good predictor that they will have difficulties [with their babies] after birth," she said. "

hasn't occurred to her that maybe a tendency towards anxiety might be hereditary?

Rediffusion Mon 07-Sep-09 08:26:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brettgirl2 Mon 07-Sep-09 08:42:19

'the mums that left their babies and didn't soothe them had babies that effectively shut down and stopped looking for cuddles/soothing' hmm

abra1d Mon 07-Sep-09 08:55:26

I think there's some truth in this: babies don't always need to be rushed to when they cry. Babies cry in different ways. My HV told me to try and interpret different cries: if I heard a grumpy 'I'm very tired but I can't quite settle' cry I'd leave the baby. If I heard the shrill 'I'm in discomfort/hungry/frightened' cry I'd go to the baby.

There have been so many threads on MN recently highlighting the problems of women who are almost out of their minds with exhaustion from broken nights. The usual MN consensus is to tell them to get some support. Few people are brave enough to tell them to encourage their babies to self-settle. It doesn't have to be harsh CC, there are other ways.

brettgirl2 Mon 07-Sep-09 09:50:42

I agree abra1d. CC doesn't mean ignoring a screaming baby.

madusa Mon 07-Sep-09 09:57:53

what a load of twaddle

my 1st slept through from 11 - 7 at just 5 weeks of age.

my 2nd had awful colic and didn't sleep well at night until about 3 months

my 3rd had dreadful reflux and was about 4 months old before he would sleep for more than about 3 or 4 hours a night!

All 3 were breastfed and have the same parents and parenting style.

Based on baby 1, surely i would have had good expectations for the other 2 to sleep well?

belgo Mon 07-Sep-09 09:59:13

I agree totally with Pink Tulips - and have had a very similar experience - even down to me getting progressively softer with each baby! My babies have all been quite demanding but my three and five year olds are good sleepers and have been since they were very small.

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