Spank/smack

[Blueberries0112]

Don’t get me wrong , I am against spanking but I have question about Sweden, what do they consider serious enough to put a parent in jail? I am from the U.S. where a lot of people spank. I always strived to do better and avoid spanking.

today, my eight years olds went into hiding because she was mad about not being able to play a game so she hid over 30 mins and wouldn’t response to her dad. My husband felt this was dangerous and he gave her a open hand mild smack on her bottom. He had never spanked her before even though he believe in spanking .he is very good at restraining himself from spanking because he knew I disapproved of it. Both of my college son and daughter can tell you he never spanked. I kinda gave him a green light and I regret it. I told my daughter I don’t believe in spanking but her daddy does and he might spank you if you don’t come out.

I was thinking about Sweden, do they really jail people for this level of spanking? Or do they work with parents?

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

So a child is struggling with dealing with emotions and the response is to hit them? I never get that.

I don't know what the rule is in sweden though. I wish it was banned everywhere.

[FortunesFave]

FIRST POST OP?

Ok everyone. Don't engage.

[PineappleUpsideDownCake]

Ah thanks. Good spot.

[Blueberries0112]

He felt it was dangerous like a fire, he couldn’t find her at all.

I used to think certain type spanking is ok, like a child run across a busy road and you spank them and remind them that being hit by a car will hurt a lot more than the spanking itself but now I think it should be banned in the US but not to the point that every parents are jailed. I prefer people work with parents

[FelicityPike]

It’s illegal in Scotland too.

[AllieCat26]

I think as long as it is only used for very severe and immediately dangerous things a child is doing, and doesn’t leave a mark than it is fine. I think if done properly (as in only exceptional circumstances) it creates an immediate shock to a child - where words cannot.

When I was around 5, and my brother was 4 he tried pushing me into the road just as a huge lorry was coming by. After my dad grabbed me out the way, he smacked my brother on the bum. My brother started crying immediately, but he never did anything like that again. I think he would have had that smack ingrained - a shocking boundary if you step out of line and do something incredibly harmful. I don’t think a stern no and trying to reason with him would have worked in the same way. I’ve spoken to friends and their parents all did similar in incredibly dangerous circumstances, and they think it’s fine as well.

I think it’s a big problem if you are using it often, or using physical punishment when their is no immediate danger/ very severe behaviour.

On another note I don’t think that you should be jailed for smacking a child. I think as long as you don’t leave a mark, and it’s a discipline method and not as a pattern of systematic and cruel abuse you shouldn’t be incarcerated, rather given other parenting options to explore.

[FortunesFave]

Again...FIRST TIME POSTER. Let's wait till MNHQ get back with the OK about this poster before everyone shares personal stories about hitting children.

That's what the OP is looking for I suspect.

[Blueberries0112]

I am not looking for validation or personal stories, I am very curious how Sweden actually handle this or other countries that banned them

[PhryneP]

I won't be sharing any personal stories or validating but i think it should be illegal in England like it is in 54 countries. I feel we are lagging behind on this. My kids are teenagers so I'm not an idealistic new parent. I dont know but imagine if someone smacks in sweden they can be referred to social services and warned they risk having their kids removed if they don't stop. So not straight to prison for one smack but having social services monitoring them would be a pretty good deterrent for most people

[TeeBee]

You're going to have to learn to be more creative with your parenting if you think that the answer to a child doing something dangerous is to hit them.
If my dog doesn't come when I call it, I shout 'treat' and then he comes...guaranteed. Could you try 'who wants a chocolate? Who wants to see this cute picture? Who wants to colour a picture?' Or wait until she finally comes out and tell her she missed treat time because she didn't come straight away.
I can't think of any circumstance where the preferred management tool is to hit a child...certainly not my own one.

[7Days]

I agree with those who say it's ok for Running out in the road type behaviour.

There is no massive outpouring of people scarred for life because of the occasional smack.
It's more an ideological thing, than real practical harm being avoided.

Saying that, if its shown that parents don't know the difference between a rare smack and constant beatings, it should be banned if that protects those children.

[IceColdFan]

Smacking, hitting, spanking what ever the hell you want to call it is shit parenting! WTF would you smack a child for running across the road! How about speaking to your child and if they're at an age or development due to any additional needs where you don't think they can take on board what you want them to know then as a parent you must make each and every situation as safe as is possible (and learn from your mistakes), you know actual fucking parenting!

I was hit and smacked as a child, I am now NC with my parents for this and other reasons. It's abuse pure and simple.

[7Days]

I had the very odd open handed smack as child, for doing dangerous things.
My parents were great and we are all still very close.

So, different things.

[Gardenersworld]

There is something so disgusting about a fully grown man thinking it's ok to smack a little girls arse.

My first thought is always what a pedophile. Second is what a shit parent.

[Blueberries0112]

He is far from pedophile and my kids would be upset with you for destroying their father’s reputation for something he is not. Beside He is not going to do it again after some thinking and plan on using positive reinforcement. He always believed in that as well.

[helloNCagain]

Whether or not this is a troll post, it's not acceptable to smack your children. "like a child run across a busy road and you spank them" No, you teach them road safety and if they don't know this, or they're unwilling to engage with road safety, you heavily monitor them near roads and hold their hand when crossing.

If children are too young to understand things like safety then they're also too young to understand your aggressive "parenting" techniques - similarly, would you hit a colleague if they made a mistake or didn't do the right thing? No. So why do it to children who often don't even have the capacity to do things better in a lot of cases?

(Also if not a troll post - your child hides and you think hitting her will help?)

[7Days]

That's a bit pie in the sky tbh.
Kids bolt near roads, knuckle their car seats on the motorway, chase dogs, pretend to fall off my dad's shoulders nearly toppling him, for a joke - what I did..
No parent could ever keep ahead of any daft thing a kid may do. It's an impossible standard to try to live up to. Sometimes a little smack, not a painful one, is body language for kids who cant yet be reasoned with.

That sort of thing does not do any psychological let alone physical damage. Everyone I know of all generations was raised like that, and they are not traumatised over it.

So rhetoric like Its physical abuse doesnt ring true.
It's not at all on the same scale.

[helloNCagain]

@7Days Not sure where you are, but where I am any kind of physical punishment / "spanking" is illegal.

"Sometimes a little smack is body language for kids who can't yet be reasoned with" If they're too young to be reasoned with, how are they able to understand why they're being physically hurt by their parents? As much as there's an ideology of a small spank not being painful / negatively affecting, it's easy to perceive that as the adult in control and not a small child who is being punished physically for things they potentially don't understand / normal behaviour (e.g. toddlers having tantrums).

"That sort of thing does not do any psychological let alone physical damage. Everyone I know of all generations was raised like that, and they are not traumatised over it."

If you want to hurt or shock children into good behaviour (when it's not proven to work, from what I've read) then you are damaged by your upbringing IMO. I was spanked as a child and it was a subsection of abusive behaviour and I'm majorly negatively affected by it. Maybe it's pious to assume that punishment and pain are not the same thing, but if that's the case I'm definitely pious. Kids don't have to fear you to respect you.