I have always struggled with keeping an ordered house...aaaahhhh

[emsylou]

This may seem like mundane nonsense but I am 34 with two children 8 and 11. I cannot seem to manage my housework, washing, sorting, budgeting....I could go on. Up until 2 years ago I worked full time and I thought it was because I was too busy to do it all, now I am not at work and its no better.

I have paperwork everywhere and bits of junk loading up draws and pots and bookcases etc etc. I go to other peoples houses in awe. It isnt that I am sat on my behind all day but I can never find the time and when I do have the time the task seems so mammoth...I'm talking EVERY ROOM that I get disheartened and distracted. And then I think to myself...is it really that important at the end of the day, a tidy house? And then Im frantically looking for clean socks in the mornings feeling like I am going completely mad. Trying to get the dcs to do anything even for money is a massive uphill struggle. I was invited to one of the mums from schools house the other day and I should invite them back here but Im worried I will be gossip of the school and the kids will be teased as they have been before about the way we live. Dont get me wrong, its not a health hazard here! Please tell me Im not alone in this domestic hell.

[K999]

Tackle one room at a time...once you see the result from one room, it will hopefully spur you on to do the rest. Sometimes having a cleaning/tidying rota can help (boring I know) but you dong have to spend hours each day on chores....I know it can be hard when you have dcs who wont help!!

One thing that helps me is laying out everything the night before....saves time in the morning and at least you can go to bed and know that you wont be running around in the morning!

[meemarsgotabrandnewbump]

I get like this also. Then I have the occasional blitz, and it feels so good that I think "why don't I do this more often?"

Our house has little piles of clutter here and there that I just can't seem to sort out because it seems like it's the start of an endless task. My children are younger than yours and add to the daily mess, but I'm sure it's no excuse really.

I write lots of to-do lists then seem to find something more important to do.

Maybe we need to get a reward chart going for ourselves

[emsylou]

Hi K999, do you have a rota?I am interested in how others manage. Is that different tasks each day? Do you have children that are old enough to help? I am def going to get on top of putting clothes away so that when the kids go back to school there clothes are where they should be. Thats a must

[K999]

Of course, logging off the computer for half an hour may help...

[theincredibleshrinkinglady]

emsylou - are you me?!!!

[emsylou]

Ha ha meemarsgotabrandnewbump yes thats what I need a reward chart. I am feeling bad as my dcs have been with their dad for a week and I had all these great plans about blitzing the house and do a bit of decorating that hasnt been done for 7 years, but managed to lunch out with friends and spend quality time with dp so they have returned to the same house they left.

[emsylou]

Yes K999, will do that soon, have been at the house all day so giving myself a break with a glass of wine. Place still looks like shit hole but I have moved some papers around!

tell me theincredibleshrinkinglad were we seperated at birth? you face similar issues..please tell

[K999]

I do have a rota but I also have a cleaner Tbh me and DP work full time so it made sense to get some help in. But on a weekly basis, once we get home from work, DP gets dinner on and I bath the kids (9 and 2). When they are having their supper I lay out all the clothes for the next day and sort the lunches, empty the dishwasher and I put on a load of washing. Once kids are in bed I clear away all toys and clutter so that I feel that I am relaxing in a 'kids free' zone! DP clears away the dinner stuff and reloads the dishwasher. Then we both sit down! The cleaner blitzes the bathroom and floors etc once a week. Before I had a cleaner I pretty much had the same routine but a Sat morning was set aside for all the stuff that she does!

[doggiesayswoof]

OP - I am exactly the same as you

Worse in fact, because DH does his share too and we still cannot get it together.

I would love a calm, orderly house.

[emsylou]

Wow...K999, I am impressed! I see now where I am going wrong. Is a bit chaotic here, lots of friends children and friends pop in regulary and obviously I would much prefer to chat to them than clean up. It is hard in the holidays to keep on top as well I always find. Obviously when the children are alt school my house is like a show home...I wish. Forgot to mention I also have a dog, cat and chickens which in there owmn way dont help with the mess

[emsylou]

I have this hang up that people judge me because of the chaos that is my house. My mum is very very tidy and always put tidying the house before anything else, even when we were growing up. She constantly criticizes me about my house now and spends as little time as poss around my house as she finds it too hard to come over and not tidy as I have asked her not to tidy up (a principal thing).

Is it just my mum or do people judge people on the messiness of their house? I know I dont. Just wanted to check.

[Fillyjonk]

ok

I have friends with super-clean houses

friends with less clean houses

friends with muhc less than clean houses

I do not in the SLIGHTEST care how clean a friend's house is.

I have NEVER gossiped about the state of a friend's house. There are much, muhc better things to gossip about.

So you spent your week of freedom having a life and recharging? I bet it did you good-much more than cleaning!

Don't worry, lots of us have untidy houses, it really doesn't matter that much. Your kids will NOT remember whether their house was decorated or not!

[Fillyjonk]

oh except that

I feel much less comfortable in a super-clean house

and I do have one friend who is super tidy who I am a bit scared to invite to my house

I don't actually WANT people to be so in awe of my cleaning skills that they are scared to invite me round!

[emsylou]

I feel the same as you Fillyjonk, thank you. A couple of my daughters friends who have VERY clean houses,dont want to come over to ours, and when I have the very occassional blitz she feels better as she can invite these potential OCD girls over. They are all only eight. I never noticed such things when i was 8. Strange. Am going to stop stressing about the house. Thanks so much for your reply

[Fillyjonk]

oh goodness though, how daft of the girls and how stressful for you!

but how daft of the girls!

[emsylou]

on the flipside most of dcs friends love coming here as it is so relaxed compared to their own places. Anyway..Im off to attempt some admin whooppeeeeeeee. Thanx for responses.

[OrmIrian]

Does that mean you keep a disorderly house then emsy?

[emsylou]

No OrmIrian, we live in an immaculate house where the floors are polished, the cream leather sofas and cream carpets gleam. Everybody takes their shoes of at the door and the house smells of bread baking and fresh coffee...oh and did i mention fresh flowers in the toilets. Ha ha!

Seriously, evrything is shabby with throws over to hide the shabbiness. havent decorated a room in 7 years and there is a general disrespect of material possessions. Makes us sound awful, but we are a lovely warm family with big hearts and cluttered sides

[OrmIrian]

Sounds like us emsy. Sounds like us

[emsylou]

Phew OrmIrian...I am not alone, was worried for a while.

[OrmIrian]

It was meant to be a rather lame joke ems. Disorderly house is a name for a ...ahem... house of ill-repute

[dreamteamgirl]

I got your joke OrmIrian

I dont judge people for having generally a bit messy houses, but I did once go to a friends house for dinner, and urghhhhhh we had to clean the kitchen before she could cook it was so VILE. I gossiped about her (and as you can see still do) I have to be honest about that. And I avoided visiting- and please bear in mind I was in my if the dirt aint visible it aint dirty stage of life and the furthest thing from house proud you could meet.

So yeah, I guess some people do judge a bit- but only if it is either
a. an actual health hazard or
b. one of those houses where they use piles of magazines 3 feet high as coffee tables (yep been in one of them too. And judged. And gossiped)

Paperwork is my worst thing also- I got myself this neat folder (drug rep freebie at work) with a sort of concertina file one side and pockets for envelopes etc the other and that has helped a lot as has a couple of filing boxes from Tescos that sit in the bottom of my wardrobe. It has improved- I once had 3 months post unopened cos I didnt know what to do it with it once I did open it ....

[babaaa]

I have started - only this week ! - doing the kitchen each am ist thing wether at work or not- this is boring but somehow freeing ! This is what i do - have cuppa whilst washing and drY up ,clean sink ,wash kitchen tops down,put a wash in and sweep kitchen floor.I have one of the big box wooded square things from ikea in and i put all my laundry in it so that it is out of sight ready to be put away - The important thing for me is that it s out of sight so kitchen looks ok.I either do a daily sort or say weekly depending on mood and whats happening but at least i know that laundry s in one place so if a dc needs something it will be in there or in wardrobe.I then hoover the living rooms and empty bins from the rooms.At all times i focuss on my "elevenses" which i stop for at all costs as a reward!! ie a cofee and a read or go into garden if not at work - being a hedonist it work s for me! .All school stuff has a pile on a book case and bill s in a wall flolder sling thing from ikea.Our bedroom is a state as i only do main living areas though - i dont know how people keep beautiful bedrooms but i would like to know how they fit that one in !!!

[emsylou]

Sorry Omirian went over my head briefly,[grin}. Housework goinng to have to wait until another day as im now off shopping to get school uniform etc. How I love that task and its raining as well. GREAT.

The main living areas are all i can manage. The kids are in control of their own bedrooms as its their space. I have a very small new build house with 3 toilets. How ridiculous is that! Anyway, thanks for advice and words of reassurance. And just to let you all know, I am not running a house of ill-repute. Not yet anyway

[thehairybabysmum]

You need to look for the fly lady threads, also google flylady.