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dh's comment - why do we have to have piles of stuff on every surface in the house?

(33 Posts)
tiredandgrumpy Sun 28-Sep-08 10:38:04

Maybe this should be chat. dh really isn't a tidy person, he just feels able to criticise the state of the house. I do try to stay on top of things, but am getting really fed up of picking up and clearing up after him. Am very tempted to clear all his stuff off the surfaces, stick in a bin bag & present to him for sorting. Only problem is that said clutter probably contains several important docs which cannot be binned/ignored for the next year. If I sort the clutter out before bagging the rest, then surely I'm giving in to him anyway?

Help! What do other people do to keep the clutter at bay, without becoming complete slaves to the family?

Soapbox Sun 28-Sep-08 10:41:49

I do that now and again - I get a large plastic crate, sweep everything that is lying around into it - and I mean EVERYTHING!

I put it at the bottom of the stairs and tell everyone that anything that is left in it by midnight is going in the bin!

You should see them movegrin

In fact, looking around, we might be overdue another mummy's mad daygrin

SmugColditz Sun 28-Sep-08 10:47:48

When my ex lived here, I got fed up of computer parts everywhere. So I gave him a week to tidy all of them into one cupboard, after which I would assume that all computerish looking things on my surfaces/on the bedside table/in the fruitbowl were rubbish.

I think I threw away a total of £70 worth of stuff before he realised I meant it.

I stood by my principle of "I am stupid about computers, I don't know what the parts are for, but I am not your fuking cleaner."

JFly Sun 28-Sep-08 10:52:26

I could have written this. My DH fully contributes to the clutter (complete with v important documents) and then says "I'm sick of all this shit everywhere". hmm

I find it rage inducing. He has a strop about it mostly when he can't find something. "I left it on the kitchen table [three weeks ago, most likely] and it's not there. Why can't I ever find anything where I left it?" ARGHHH!

So if I tidy, he can't find anything, but if I leave his piles of post around, then I'm to blame for the clutter. Maddening.

JFly Sun 28-Sep-08 10:53:51

Oh, I should add that I've tried the "this stuff is going in the recyling/shredder if you file it away." He generally responds with "don't be stupid, there are important documents in that pile." angry

purpleflower Sun 28-Sep-08 10:54:42

DP does this and then goes mad when I put it all into his office. He has a seperate room to put all his crap in along with a shed and I don't even have anywhere to put the hoover yet it's his stuff everywhere angry

I might use you're approach SmugColditz (a lot of it is computer parts) but I think that would cause more arguments as last time I sorted it out I threw out some reciepts that happened to be his expenses. He thinks throwing them on the kitchen side is filing.

JFly Sun 28-Sep-08 10:55:01

Sorry, I have cold hands!
"this stuff is going in the recycling/ shredder if you don't file it away".

TheProvincialLady Sun 28-Sep-08 10:56:40

My DH is one step better I suppose. He makes the mess by leaving his damned clutter everywhere but he never moans about the state of the house! I do the same as some of you, put it in a box or a bag and give him so long before assuming it is rubbish and binning it.

OP would the important documents be important to both of you or just to him? If the latter I would fix a deadline for going trhough the bin bag and then throw it away - his problem, not yours. If they might be important for both of you then you will probably need to fish them out and put them somewhere sensible. Have you got a proper filing system for family documents?

WideWebWitch Sun 28-Sep-08 10:57:15

We have piles of stuff and it pisses me off. Every now and again I clear it and then it builds up again. it's BORING clearing it all. If dh doesn't like it though, HE should clean it up.

littlerach Sun 28-Sep-08 10:59:41

Dh does this and ends up missing appts etc.

I have a large box that i put all his bits of papare into every few weeks. If he doesn't sort it out, then it is lost forever!!!

snigger Sun 28-Sep-08 11:01:11

My dad calls these "domestic haemorrhoids"

I end up walking from room to room with the stuff in my arms looking confused.

I think you have to organise in a way that's actually going to work - DH won't 'see' mess the way I do, ever, but he is phobic about the loo, the bath, the kitchen surfaces, ergo, that's his job.

Whatever your DH moans most about, try saying <through gritted teeth, if neccessary> - "Can I leave that to you then, you're right, it needs attention, so I'll just get on with the <<insert Herculean task of the hour>> while you sort it" grin

You never know, it might work!

twinsetandpearls Sun 28-Sep-08 11:01:57

Everthing has its place, if when one of us comes to clean something is out it gets thrown.

Ripeberry Sun 28-Sep-08 11:02:09

That's my job of the day today, sort out all the kids toys, get rid of broken, missing, imcomplete stuff and sort everything in boxes.
Because at the moment it is everywhere! And doing my head in! angry

snigger Sun 28-Sep-08 11:02:29

Note: domestic haemorrhoids = piles all over the house grin

SmugColditz Sun 28-Sep-08 11:05:39

This is why women get shat on, domestically. They avoid raising something that's bugging them in case it might cause an argument.

NEWSFLASH - He wants to leave stuff around and behave like a pig, and any attempt to dissuade him from this WILL result in an argument, because you are trying to make him do something he doesn't want to do - ie, pick up after himself. Don't you think it's an argument worth having, though?

VictorianSqualor Sun 28-Sep-08 11:12:07

Box it.
Just throw it all in a box and hand him it. 'This is yours and it needs sorting, if you don't I will put it in the bin'

In the long run it's best to get some sort of system together. Like an in-try for post and files to put the post in. Or baskets to put in cupboards for computer bits etc.

edam Sun 28-Sep-08 11:12:59

domestic haemorrhoids: that's what we suffer from! Thank you, snigger. grin Maybe that phrase will encourage dh to get rid of them. Ooh, is that an airborne porcine?

VictorianSqualor Sun 28-Sep-08 11:13:03

Oh, and the 'system'.

Do it together.

Don't just do it and tell him you're doing it. Get him to sit with you and file all the papers then maybe he'll think twice before dumping something next time.

LackaDAISYcal Sun 28-Sep-08 11:13:31

My house is the same sad, but if I'm truthful a lot of it is down to me blush

Every so often (like when we have visitors!) I scoop it all into a box and shove it on the back room/office. The result is that our office looks like a junk shop store room, you can hardly get in the door and we can't find anything.......ever.

where does it all come from though?

LackaDAISYcal Sun 28-Sep-08 11:14:03

VS, not seen you for ages; how's tricks?

HaventSleptForAYear Sun 28-Sep-08 11:18:28

Flylady calls these "hotspots" but haemorrhoids is much better (although a b**r to spell!).

She suggests doing 5 minute room rescue or "putting out fires" in hotspots.

It's true that flat surfaces attract clutter in my house too.

But once you are aware of it, it really only does take less than 5 minutes (set timer) to clear off.

In our house the main culprits are myself and DC blush.

DH has a desk that I dump any of his stuff on, and he pretty much tidies his desk every night shock

VictorianSqualor Sun 28-Sep-08 11:27:21

Good thanks Daisy. Haven't been on MN much as I've been moving house(no internetz for two weeks!?!?!?!!) and playing WARHAMMER grinblush

sarah293 Sun 28-Sep-08 11:29:19

Message withdrawn

peanutbutterkid Sun 28-Sep-08 11:33:23

When I was a teenager my mother went on tirades about "your shit ending up everywhere". Eventually, I became very tidy-freak (not cleaning freak, but tidying up-freak yes). I would whiz around putting my stuff away and pile all of HER SHIT on top of a chair.

My mother stopped moaning at me, but never said a thing about my tidying habit.

In retrospect I suspect she was quite pleased, as she never had to hunt for her handbag any more, she knew she'd find it on the chair, rather than the mad hunting missions we used to go on in previous years. hmm

tearinghairout Sun 28-Sep-08 11:41:22

I'm so glad it's not just my house. JFly's first post could've been written by me, and we can't get into our garage now, I can't get to the freezer.

A friend came over for coffee. She is, for want of a better word, a chav. But lovely. Her little house is always spotless, and she has several cleaning jobs. When I apologised about the state of my place, stuff everywhere, piles of 'interesting' newspaper articles looking for a home, leaflets etc, she said "It's the same with all the educated people whose houses I clean. They all have piles of papers everywhere."

So take comfort!

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