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(17 Posts)
Lupins71 Sun 24-Aug-08 13:37:20

We have been HE since April/May, we have been fairly unstructured after a reasonably structured start, Things started off quite well, she was interested in what we were doing, she was more relaxed and less stressed,

However I owuld say the last month has been hell, she is stroppy, bored, rude, doesnt concentrate, I am not pushy we only do 1 structured excercise a day either reading, writing or worksheets, and I am struggling to get her to pay any sort of attention to me, this attitude is flowing into the rest of our lives - she is becoming rude to people who try to talk to her as if she is better than other people. Most of our time is spent looking at nature books and going out for walks or to animal parks as this is what she is mainly interested in - she seems to have no time for people which is excactly like her dad

I love her to bits and want the best for her which I believe isnt school, however she is wearing me down, I have a younger ds as well and she is mean to him

Any tips before I break and send her back to school - which would break my heart, if I cant cope with my childs behaviour why would someone else want to

Lupins71 Sun 24-Aug-08 13:38:21

Should add when she is lovely she is the nicest little girl you could ever meet but those times are becoming few and far between sad

PootyApplewater Sun 24-Aug-08 13:39:46

How old is your DD, Lupins. smile

BBBee Sun 24-Aug-08 13:40:13

was she better at the start because it was more structured?

Lupins71 Sun 24-Aug-08 14:04:01

She will be 6 in a few weeks, I dont think it was because it was structured it was because of the release from the pressure of school - it was a very pushy school, if tey didnt finish the work they didnt go out, dd is a perfectionist, she gets very uptight if things arent perfect, she cant even just play with clay and be happy doing it, it must be done perfectly or she sulks because its rubbish as se says - and I really do mean sulks, it verges on ocd

PootyApplewater Sun 24-Aug-08 14:13:38

Sounds like she's just deschooling tbh.

It will take a while to adjust from being in a pushy school, to having a more relaxed approach.

My advice would be to carry on taking things easy - maybe play board games where the winner depends on pure luck, to show her that it is OK not to be first at everything.

Be really consistent re boundaries if she's unkind to her brother, or rude to people.

It'll help her to feel secure during this period of adjustment. smile

Are you in touch with other HE families in your area?

onwardandupward Sun 24-Aug-08 18:19:52

I just wrote a really long post, but it was all a bit close to the bone (my bone) to put out there...

Yes, sounds like deschooling.

I'd do some internet reading on the sites which combine home education with family life - like Joyce Fetteroll and Sandra Dodd - I think there's all sorts of Alfie-Kohn-esque things which might help you all about doing-with rather than doing-to. Ask for more info if you want it, but I don't want to be all preachy if the unschooling+consentual family dynamic isn't your thing.

mumtoo3 Sun 24-Aug-08 18:56:15


our dd is 5.5yrs and we dereged her in march, and we had the same thing, i think it is a deschooling thing, but we gave her most of the holidays off, and just did a few lapbooks, a bit of reading, and general fun

i found doing a list of what i wanted her to do in the day, and giving her a star for each thing she did really helped because as she is a perfectionist, seeing what she needed to do, and then checking it off was really helpful, i never said you will sit down from 9-3 and do work, she knows she has x amount to do, and if she leaves it until the evening she will be tired and not do so well, this seemed to work!

have you tried envolving her in the organisation of the work, maybe she could choose the book of the week, or what order to do the worksheets in? how about looking at different curriculums? i know that not all the books we have bought have worked for her!

sorry to waffle on, i do sympathise as dd1 was like it but talking together really helped us

Lupins71 Sun 24-Aug-08 23:12:11

Onward I would really be interested in more info and your opinions, maybe you could email me if you dont feel comfortable posting it on here - thanks x

mumtoo3, thanks for your response, there are some fab ideas there I will definatly take on board, we did start with a star chart which she did seem to respond to well

It really great to know I am not alone in this situation, I forget how long she has been in the system she was at preschool from 3 ish, and I do realise that it wasnt going to be a straight forward transition - it has just really shocked me, I suppose in a way I am getting what I ultimatly want which is a child that can voice/ expose an opinion however we just need to work on the fine tuning a bit wink

onwardandupward Mon 25-Aug-08 00:41:28

I emailed you

milou2 Mon 25-Aug-08 18:35:15

My son was 10 when I deregistered him in January. He got worse in some ways after that, but I do think for him it was part of deschooling, ie built up pressure coming out, which was happening.

I did despair, thinking, what now??

We sort of clicked after 3/4 months. I had read all the books I had ordered, read all the forums and had begun to realise how traumatic it had been in the run up to deregistering.


chapstickchick Mon 25-Aug-08 18:47:10

I home school too,have done at various points with all 3 of my ds.

what i find works is that the morning is for learning every day we do english(written work,spellings,diary,topic)maths (2-3 pages from a letts book,times tables practice,telling the time)reading(8-10 pages from any book hes currently reading) then our art project(this varies from sewing weaving to maing a tardis) and either history/science/geography all this complete hes allowed on bitesize or another site or we do music.

the afternoon we do my errands or any trips out to library,swimming etc s well s cookery or clay modelling.

those are the rules should he not want to do it in the afternoon when im doing my errands he would hve to sty with dad/grandad and complete them-it sounds a structured day but im open minded with changes to the routine and he knows if he works hard he gets rewarded with trips out etc.

i find it easier to work to this routine we both know where we stand and even tho he loves maths he HAS to complete his english tasks to finish the day.

i find it helps to get the 'lessons 'ready the day before so they are waiting ready next morning - my ds is now quite canny realising that if he starts at 8am he can be done by 11am leaving him a good few hours for the creative stuff he enjoys.

chapstickchick Mon 25-Aug-08 18:49:18

i forgot to mention hes 7 and a lot of the tasks i explain then leave him to work alone whilst i bed make or hoover as i think 3 hours intense 1-1 would be v heavy going.

critterjitter Tue 26-Aug-08 17:04:23

I have a DD exactly the same age, and I've been HEing her since May.

It sounds like their behaviour can be very similar (it may just be age-related!). However, with my DD, it is often punctuated by tears about how bad school was and the way she was treated there. sad

I would try not to argue with her (been there, done that and won the award for repeating: "well go back to school then! (I hate myself for saying that now)" I now just put her in timeout as soon as the 'attitude' starts!

The things that I've found work are:

- Starting work early in the morning (about 8)

- Limiting work to morning only and making sure she has quite a few breaks (for toast, playing, drawing etc)

- Giving her challenging work (she loathed being given boring work at school that she already knew how to do)

- Starting to hand over responsibility to her for initiating work every day. She now goes and gets her books out in the morning and starts writing away on subjects that she's interested in, without any prompting from me.

- Giving her different exercise books for each topic (and making sure that she gets lots of stars!)

- Giving her a number of responsibilities around the house - setting the table, making her bed, putting out the recycling etc.

- Making sure we always get out in the afternoons to the park, trips etc. And once a week, we do an all day trip to somewhere interesting,

- Always leaving the option of returning to school open to her.

But its not easy, I know!

Lupins71 Wed 27-Aug-08 07:36:58

Thanks all, we are away for a few days but I will reply when we get back - baby woke up as soon as I got in from work last night, so am now running late for packing but didnt want to be rude and blank post xx

Lupins71 Sat 30-Aug-08 23:13:15

Hello, just wanted to update really, we hasd a few days away with friends and it did us all good.

My brain got back to where it was meant to be regarding why in the 1st place we decided to HE, it is a lovely thought that on wednesday lots of children will be going back to school and I will still have mune here, relaxing in thier pj's, being children, and not being hurried and stressed at (as we used to do) to get up, get dressed, have your b'fast, hair done, on the bus, bombarded with stuff that you dont need to know yet, then back home to do a little more of it, dinner, bath, bed!!! Oh hello sosn/ daughter was nice knowing you for 2-3hrs sad. what a shame for all of those families that miss out on all that time together.

I know its not for everyone, I have to work, but its in the evenings, my dc are so important and the time we have together so precious, I cant imagine sending either of them to school now.

Thanks for all your advice and support - I am off to check on the caterpillars grinhopefully they have enough cabbage till morning!

milou2 Mon 01-Sep-08 14:05:22

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