Feeling so sad about having to homeschool

[taratill]

I am going to put my hands up and say that I am a reluctant homeschooler.

I would love nothing more than for my DS to be at school with his peers however he has ASD and Sensory Processing Disorder and school is not the right environment for him to learn. Even with an EHCP it is unlikely he will ever be able to thrive in mainstream and special schools for children with his intellectual capacity don't exist.

I just feel so sad though. He is losing his friends (out of sight out of mind). I know there are lots of groups of Home Edders who meet up to cover the social side but DS (due to his ASD) is not going to find this easy.

Has anyone been down this road who can give me words of encouragement please?

[Saracen]

((Hugs)) It is rotten that you are in this situation where you don't have a real choice. I'm sorry that school isn't an option for your son.

[ommmward]

In a way, I think the social side is much much easier. In the special needs end of home education, at least in my experience, there is an expectation that parents will be a bit more hands on than in "normal" society, guiding their children through social interactions at the level they need, at an age where "normal" people would expect to abandon their children to it, and relax with a cup of coffee. And also, there's an acceptance that children will be socialising at the level they are at, and their peers might be years older or younger than them, and that's no big deal (one of my children has good friends who are 10 years younger than them; they play really happily together, and everyone is a winner)

There are many many autistic children being home educated; in fact, in our area, there's a facebook group precisely for parents of home educated children with special needs, and that is then a focus for support and meet ups and playdates etc etc.

[taratill]

Thanks both, I think I do need to get my head round it. I' m finding this harder to come to terms with than the actual diagnosis! Which I find strange.

It is the friendship side of things that bothers me most. Despite being autistic/ aspergers DS has maintained good friendships up to year 7 and has been with the same kids since pre-school at 2.5.

It's not friendships that have led to the difficulties at school but rather sensory differences/ meltdowns/ tone of teachers voices. I just find it sad that those friendships will end. And they will. Because DS comes across very 'normal' parent's of his peers think that he just doesn't want to be at school not that it is impossible due to anxiety and they are not very sympathetic. He is already being excluded from things as a result.

He does find it hard to meet new people/ join new groups.

I think when you have to drop school for a SEN reason then you are coming to the terms with the fact your child can't cope in mainstream life. That's a bitter pill to swallow. You can't help thinking it is the face of things to come long term.

ommmward thanks for the point about facebook groups I will look to see if I can see one locally. DS is not happy about his diagnosis though so has resisted any overtly 'special needs' groups or support.

[ommmward]

There are several children in our weekly special needs home ed meet who have no idea at all that it's a special needs meet... because all the other children are just like them, i.e. normal in their eyes :)

[taratill]

@ommmward that's a lovely post. Just what I needed to read, thank you x

[taratill]

I actually also laughed out loud at hiding the armed forces leaflets. Despite an obsessive interest in all things WW2 DS is not cut out to be a soldier!

[SkiGirl007]

ommnwars post is excellent see it as an opportunity to find out what he is good at.
I don’t say this lightly (my nephew has ASD) but I work with lots of folk in Good well paid jobs who I think are probably on the spectrum- they mostly have scientific background working for government agencies where the traits of quiet focused analytical study is a key skill. My nephew loves playing with his raspberry pi (he’s 10) and clearly has a very computer /engineering mind which my sis struggles to keep up with! She’s also really worried about the move to secondary next year as she’s not sure how he will cope, as the mainstream system just isn’t set up for those who think differently but within the right job in the future he could go far.
Good luck.

[GingerIvy]

I home ed my two children with ASD and other SNs. HE has made life so much easier!! We can do socialising on smaller time segments do my children can cope with it better. It allows them to socialise more on their terms instead of the forced socialisation at school. The ongoing stress of school has gone and we have time to do HE and still go places and do things they enjoy (which we couldn't do when they were at school as by the end of school day they were wiped out from coping all day).

[GingerIvy]

Sorry for typos. On my phone.

[Branleuse]

I felt like this at first. I was pretty devastated. Ive now decided that if shes not that sociable, then who am I pushing the social stuff actually for? You dont learn social skills by being forced into a massive group for 30 hours a week. My daughter needs much smaller groups than that or one on one, and not nearly as often.

ive started her with some online schooling (which she enjoys) as I want her to keep up with core subjects in case she wants to return to school later, but this isnt in everyones budget of course, but her DLA pretty much covers it for now. Im thinking of maybe trying to get her an EHCP at some point to see if i can get this funded. I have heard its possible, but not easy.
It has been really good for her. She is so much less stressed, and its removed a massive amount of stress for me too

[WeAreGerbil]

We home schooled for a year, we made lots of friends, my DD had been bullied and at the beginning of the year couldn't face meeting anyone because she thought they'd all hate her, but in our experience the groups are very friendly and open to children who are "different" in some way. She would not have hung out with such a range of kids at school but she did with home ed. It's sad he's having to leave his friends, and I see he finds it difficult to meet people, but if he's done it with those friends then hopefully he can do it again. My DD went back to school, but we do miss HE.