feeling overwhelmed at helping dd make right choices

[duvet]

DD has had struggles learning in school and had extra help in primary, which got her up to a reasonable standard in year 6. However we've still been bothered again by the issues she seems to have e.g not taking in information, not understanding the task, and also misunderstanding conversations which can cause a lot of tension, worse when tired. Her reading is very good although comprehension not so much. Primary school & I agreed she worked much better 1 to 1.( I suspect APD for which I'm trying to get a diagnosis -slow process)
We had talked last year about HEd & altho we applied for a Secondary school & she went to the taster days, she decided during the summer that hEd was what she would prefer. So we began this week, she was keen to start and I have been impressed how hard she's worked! However at times, like after her sis has left for school she has been a bit down on and off during the day and told me she wishes she was at school and feels left out.
She is goes to five different groups during the week inc a HEd one we started, & one where she's her old school friends so has plenty of social contact. I know it's early days but I'm finding it hard knowing she's feeling excluded.

[ommmward]

Has she had a proper deschooling recovery period? See if you can get some really fun stuff into the mix - season ticket for local zoo, local museums if there are cool ones, blackberrying in the woods - just time to relax and BE. Remember, she's had 7 years of spending a LOT of hours a day with other people organising her time for her, and telling her what she should be concentrating on in it. One of the biggest gifts you can give her is helping her transition into being comfortable to make her own entertainment, to read a book if she feels like it or play a computer game, or go back to her dolls house, or do some gardening, or whatever it is.

[duvet]

Thank you, I'm pretty sure it's a case of grass is greener, because I know she found her taster days pretty hard going so much info to take in, that it was overwhelming. Even in primary she used to get so tired by the work and trying to cope with all the different topics.

I'll try working on bit of deschooling.

[duvet]

I'm sure if she was in school we'd been having a different set of issues. Aah my head is in a whirl!

[duvet]

So three months in and my dd appears to be enjoying HEd overall, we've done a lot of fun stuff. We've found a couple of groups that we visit twice a month where she's made some friends. She's wanted to do some Maths and one to one grasps things well. We've been reading a lot. Although she's happier and more relaxed she is still saying ometimes that as much as she's enjoying it she still wishes she was in High school. Socially she's out four nights a week at various clubs and sees friends at the weekend most of whom go to high school. I'm looking for wisdom as although we both can see the benefits to HEd I feel like I'm depriving her. Our intention was only to keep her out of school for year 7, maybe 8 just to give her a boost.

Sorry for posting again, but I get quite anxious over it and posting helps somewhat. I think HEd is easier when it's something you've always done or the child really hated school. I
don't know what to say to her, she wants to go back after Christmas but should I try to persuade her to give it another term?

[Saracen]

Yes, I would say if she doesn't hate HE, ideally she should give it another term or even two so the two of you can experiment properly and see what can be done to make her home ed experience as good as possible socially.

Then she could go try secondary and be in a good position to compare the available options and see whether she wants to stay in school or come back out again. She has never tried secondary school, so she may well be curious about what it would really be like. It's hard to predict how much she might like the good things about school, as well as how hard the difficult aspects of school will be.

I have noticed that even in the case of children who were thoroughly miserable at school and have been HE for a little while, sometimes they like to go back into school for a bit, especially if it's a different school. Their school experience will be better the second time around because they know it is THEIR choice whether to be there. Sometimes that makes school more bearable. Or if they do decide to come out again, it feels more like a positive informed choice to them rather than something they did out of desperation.

[duvet]

Thanks Saracen, I know what I mean, I almost wish she could just go in for a week just to get a taste of what it's like for her. She went for taster days and didn't particularly enjoy those but it's not quite the same. I appreciate you posting. :-)

[BarbarianMum]

Primary to secondary is a huge leap in terms of what is expected of the children. If you suspect your dd has APD it would be really good if you got a diagnosis before she tries secondary, so she has some support in place. Otherwise I could see her having a miserable time, esp initially when there is so much new information to take on and things to remember.