Why cant people butt out instead of judging about HE? social life .

[QuiQuaiQuod]

seriously. DC struggled in infant and junior schools, countless exclusions etc.

DC has severe learning difficulties and special needs schools couldnt even cope with her.

so now as a teen is HE'd.

She never played or interacted with other kids at both schools she was in, only wanted to cling to 1-1 support.

she has limited social ability, has 4 frinds in the world who she sees as and when, yet the CONSTANT 1st question is ''doesnt she have a social life? she SHOULD have a socianl life, you are isolating her''.

yes of course I am. i keep her in chains and call her Boo Radley. FFS.

apart from the fact its no ones business, i know my childs limitations and its lucky she can manage the few friends she has.

we go out a lot, early, before anywhere gets too crowed and noisy, she really (suffers from social anxiety).

shes learnt more in 2 years of HE than the whole of her early school life. why the hell do people think they know my child more than me, and what the hell makes them think they can tell me whats best for my own child?

Im not stupid.

do any of you get this as well, and whats your answer?

[QuiQuaiQuod]

oh.. was hoping to find at leasta couple of posts!

im only online for about 10 mins aday, so looked in just now.....

[PaleAzureofSummer]

It sounds like you're doing the right thing and the other people don't know what they are talking about. Could you summarise what you've said above to them as it makes a lot of sense to me. (I don't home ed, just saw your post in "Active.")

[minerva85]

I think you're completely right. No experience of special educational needs or HE, but firmly believe that you know your child better than anyone. Can you come up with a slightly blunt stock answer and just repeat, repeat, repeat until people get the message?

[ommmward]

There was a certain amount of anxiety directed my way when we first started home ed - on the usual lines of whether we'd be able to provide the right social/ educational/ P.E. / wider experience of the world than the family type stuff. And people seeing it as a direct criticism of their own choices for their children (or for their careers, if they were themselves in the education industry).

Normal, normal.

Honestly? When we do something counter cultural, like home ed, then we just have to grow very thick skins. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. You'll make no converts by trying to explain or justify yourself. so just get a neat little catch phrase ready "School was really damaging her. We're going to try this for now and see how it goes". Efficiently closes down conversation. All subsequent questions can be met with "well, we need to give her some recovery time now, and we'll see how she gets on. The schools will still be there if we change our minds and she's sufficiently recovered to try again".

:)

[QuiQuaiQuod]

Thanks for replies. OMN ive had the P.E. question too!

DCS disabled! cant they see that?

Ive tyried to ignore and not answer but some people just will be in your face till they get an answer.

So. Ive got:

''Oh, thanks, are you offering to take her for a day?'' (that gets a retort from them that Im a bitch!)

''No, I keep her lockedup day and night in a dungeon and she has nothing but bread and water. this isnt her next to me in public, btw, this is a robot!'' (then I get the ''shes wierd'' look!)

Or --''Shes perfectly fine thank you for your concern.''. (doesnt really work)

''Its noones business really is it? '' (said in a friendly way but with ''the look''.)

if I DO get in a 'cant take any more shit' mood then Ill be bitchy enough to say ''Oh, really, you know my child, who I live with 24/7, better than me? oh wow, how insightful you are.'' (and then I storm off.

[That1950sMum]

Sounds as if you're doing a great job doing the best you possibly can for your child. Ignore people who know nothing. Until they've walked in your shoes they have no right to judge.

[QuiQuaiQuod]

Thanks.

Ive never judged or made comments to anyone who home schooled, just got on with my job, (I was a teacher)and now my teaching skills help DC.

Hmm. I could say shes privately tutored! well she is, by me!

[MuseumGardens]

Could you point out that the Queen was privately tutored at home and she turned out fine? Tell them if it's good enough for the Queen it's good enough for your dd!

[IDoDaChaCha]

There's nobody more judgemental than folk in all seriousness people freak out at anything outside the 'normal' (conforming to a standard, usual, typical, expected- says the dictionary...) way most of them have accepted without question. IMHO schools are failing children across the board for a multitude of reasons. I don't intend to enrol DD (nearly 2) at all. I'm not a knit your own granola hippy (at all) but I am a left field thinker and have never followed the herd. Do what is right for your child. It's nobody else's business. Don't even bother to explain. I'd tell them to mind their own business and stop judging everyone who isn't a carbon copy of them. It's also not your responsibility to educate minds committed to misunderstanding home ed. It's just an argument waiting to happen.

[NotThaMama]

I hear you.

I have the same issues... even from people who know my son likes to primarily play by himself and did so when he was in mainstream.

We have been HE for 6 months and he has learnt more about himself and about the world than he ever would do in school, he shows character and sass which outweighs this generalisation that ALL children need to be socializing with children their own age every single day.

You're doing great because you took the route that is best for you and yours instead of continuing to be apart of a system that is broken.

Your daughter socialises with you and you sound great... People LOVE to question what they don't know, especially the unhappy & unfulfilled

[QuiQuaiQuod]

Thanks for all support.

actually, thinking about it, how many people/kids DO have an actual social life?

its all social media now.

they socialise with their phones /apps/ipods etc.

one thing my DC never does, with her learning difficulites, shes not remotely interested in anything 'techy' anyway.

ans NOT you're completely right. schools failed her. ''normal'' school is not for everyone.it might benefit some but not others.

[MrsBennettsNerves]

I do think it's weird that people assume the best for all children is the school model of socialisation. Mass schooling has been around for such a short time in human history, and was never, ever about socialising - it was the most efficient way to teach the basics to children too poor to afford private tutors. If you read what the founders of the state school movement wrote, too, they make it completely clear that part of the purpose was to make a workforce trained to follow bells and instructions and rules, and to make a predictable fairly homogenous group of consumers. I have no idea where in all that people think we've accidentally made the best method of socialisation for children, too. Why is HE socialisation always compared with school? If socialisation is so damn important to children (and it only ever seems to be when being used as a stick to beat HEdders), shouldn't someone be saying, actually, maybe we should look at what natural socialisation is for our species and try and replicate that? For schooled children and HE children?

When my SIL brought up the old socialisation chestnut I did make a comment something like, "Of course, lots of it. Not like school, but then wouldn't it be really co-incidental if humans had evolved so that 30 students the same age in a room for 6 hours with a teacher was the best type of socialisation for them?" :)

[QuiQuaiQuod]

Exactly mrsBennetsNerves.

[GingerIvy]

I tend to opt for "oh I'm sorry - you've confused me offering you information with me asking for your advice." If they continue, then a firm "We've already made the decision, thank you. We don't really require your input."

Snotty? Yeah, I suppose. But frankly, I'm not bothered. I get tired of having to justify my decisions to people who don't know us from Adam (or even people that do!).

We do what socialising the dcs can cope with (they have SNs) and in a manner that suits them best. They have more activities and friends now than they did in school, and academically they are doing much better, so we're happy.

[QuiQuaiQuod]

exactly. mines doing so much better, within her own limitations of course.

its bad enough when strangers put their tuppence in but people who know us and have seen the change in DC with the HE and how she struggled (as did I with the constant phone calls ''can you come and collect her, shes having a meltdown'', and the exclusions because she couldnt cope, yet made me feel like they were criminalising her as a bad penny)) in school, you'd think theyd offer a bit of encouragment and support, not bloody judging and criticising.

wierd they seem to know my child, who i live with 24/7, better than me, those who see her for between 20 seconds and never agin, and an hour here and there.

[QuiQuaiQuod]

right. social life?

this morning we were outside the bank waithing for it to open. a group of 6 people queued in front of us. exchanged, in 10 mins, about 5 words between them. (they were a family).

ALL of them looking into their phones for 10 mins solid, doing whatever they were doing on it.


not very social IMO, hardly talking to each other (disclaimer- they ay have been talking like parrots before or after for all I know but for that 10 mins of almost nothing? )

and its a frequent sight. later on a group pf youths sitting togeher, sharing a drink between them but no one looking at each other, all on their phones.

its like a sci fi zombie type film, everyone possessed by their phones! .

I was asked the golden question yet again this morning in the bank. and that was my answer, what I saw in the queue.

cashier says not another word and looks embarrassed!