home educating year 8 daughter

[wickedorwhat]

hello everyone, i have a 13 year old daughter who is at a very good independent school. she won an academic scholarship and we thought she would be very happy there. its seems not as she dreads going and there seems to be some bullying going on. this is not the first time we have encountered this as it happened during primary school. it seems that dd maybe a sitting duck as perhaps some children are. i work nearly full time and i dont think i can cope every morning battling her to go to school for the next 5 years. im devastated as i really thought she would be happy here.
anyway sorry to drag on but has anyone home ed. their children and could perhaps give me some advise as im seriously considering it. thanks

[Tubbycatdoll]

Me too I am considering home ed. Would be great to get some advice.

[wickedorwhat]

i dont know where to start to be honest. how old is yours???

[seeker]

I would have a look round at other local schools first.

[wickedorwhat]

well i have a ds who is in year 10 at the local comp but its not an option. dd is not a great mixer either.

[wickedorwhat]

having said that seeker i could try but i dread the thought of it starting all over again .

[Tubbycatdoll]

My lo is 9. Today was the first day at a new school. We made it to the school gate before she ran away.

[wickedorwhat]

oh im so sorry to hear that. i have to say girls seem very nasty now days. i dont blame her as i would run a mile now too.

[Tubbycatdoll]

She was very happy about going to school so am in shock at what happened this morning. I phoned the school and they said to try again tomorrow, to go very early before the other kids arrive and the headmistress will help.

[FionaJNicholson]

Over the years I've talked to quite a few people who've taken children out of private schools for home education. There also does sometimes seem to be a particular type of bullying issue with girls. I'd recommend you get in touch with some local home educating families if at all possible. There are internet groups and social get-togethers in most areas of the country. I've got a page of group links on my website and Education Otherwise has information as well. Plus there are threads here on Mumsnet about how to find local home educators.
edyourself.org/groups/ I'm in Sheffield, by the way.

[LastSummer]

Wicked,

Perhaps the first step is to confide in your daughter's school. Good independent schools often have excellent pastoral care and are very keen indeed to safeguard their pupils. Give your daughter and her school the opportunity to nip this problem in the bud.

[HandsOffOurLand]

Agree with LastSummer. Good independent schools are usually excellent at dealing with this kind of thing. Try it before giving up completely - she's had a great opportunity, and it would be a shame not to give it a good go first.

[Dorje]

Why don't you contact the school? Why go off at a mile a minute with the home school tangent.

The school can easily put a stop to bullying by doing some workshops, and if necessary expelling the bullies. Get your local university sociology department involved - if necessary get the principal to agree to training.

Tell them you'll sue if it isn't resolved.

[exoticfruits]

They should have an anti bullying policy-ask to see it and then make sure they implement it.
I would also look at other schools. I am always surprised that people think that an independent, academic girls school is a safe haven-in my experience they are often the worst, especially if all girls.
However, having said that, it obviously offers a good education-far better than you could match at home- so I would put pressure on the school to sort it before you do anything.

[jugglingwiththreeshoes]

I agree about talking with the school. Perhaps changing classes could be an option if problematic girls are in her class ? Or I guess they could be moved rather than her ! My nephews left an independent school where they were boarders on a scholarship to be home-educated. I think it's worked out very well. But personally I'd be reluctant to give up a scholarship place at a good school. The school should be able to resolve this issue so that your daughter is happy to be there. If they can't then IMO they can't really call themselves a "good school". Good luck to you and your family.

[missmehalia]

I think just knowing that home ed is a viable option for you can give you and your daughter a great confidence boost. I haven't done HE, but would always consider it an option. (Lots on Education Otherwise about it, so won't go on!) My best friend did it for a few years (until she felt she was unable to offer them enough specialist things) and thought it great unless your child was likely to get bored and/or feel socially isolated. I personally think you can feel far more socially isolated if you're in the wrong school. Do investigate other schools, too. Having a good support network around you (e.g. other home ed families) seems to be key to HE success.

I suppose it's worth approaching the school. Some children just don't ever bully or get bullied - maybe the school have a good mentoring system in place, or similar.

[toddlerama]

Do you want to Home Ed anyway? I think it's a great option (we are choosing from the outset), but if you are making this leap because you want to and using the bullying as an 'excuse' you may come unstuck. I think it's important to be honest with yourself and your family about motive and surely your first port of call would be a different school if you were inclined to choose school in the first place?

However, I do know what you mean about 'sitting duck' children. I've taught a few and I don't know what the answer is for these little souls other than come out of the system. They really can't convincingly 'fit in' and why on earth should they? They have all come into their own at university in a dramatic way!!

[julienoshoes]

You are the only one who can know how unhappy your child is, and whether another school-or sorting things out with this one, is the answer.

My children were desperately unhappy at school, so we looked around frantically for another option. I considered all options-including private schooling-but once I'd discovered that home education was a legal viable option, I just knew that it would suit our children so much better-and didn't consider any type of formal schooling for another second!
I knew I'd found the right answer for us!
I know I have given my children a much better education -for them individually-than any school could ever have done. I am at the end of our home ed journey and they are young adults now and they completly agree.

Would you have to continue working full time if your child stopped going to the private school?
To home educate our three, meant giving up a career for me, and working at a much lower paid job, for that time. We have 'cut our cloth' accordingly and have done without so much to do this-but boy has it been worth every penny.
Although your daughter is at an age, where she could probably be left to get on with things herself, she will have a need for company and socialisation to suit her-are there after school activities you could go to?
Could you get her to local HE activities-or would grandparents/family be able to help out with that?

I think school is the lonliest place on earth if you don't fit in.

There are threads on here for bumping for newbies to HE, to read. I'll go and do that for you now.

[wickedorwhat]

thanks guys for all your advise. what you say makes a lot of sense and i feel better about the situation. i guess because dd has always been a target even at primary school she had a miserable time and it it so covert. excluding her from groups, ignoring and this latest incident my dd filed in to chapel with her tutor group and my daughter was left sitting on a whole bench on her own. it makes me so bloody angry i have to calm down and not make rash decisions. i am just so fed up as i thought this was a new start and was feling positive. when i was at school we all used to stick up for eachother, it seems so different now they all follow the leader as they seem so scared of bieng singled out. its such a shame, i just want to cry. i will contact the school if things dont improve definately and i know they will help. its just i am losing faith in the human race LOL . thanks all of you xxxxxx
oh and i could definately drop my working hours if i Home Ed !!!

[8ofem]

i was bullied at school all through from start to finish and id chnaged schools i was a total siting duck for them all.
i wish my parents had taken me out for home education as i learnt nothing as i started to truent most of the time just to get away from it all.
im now home educating two and we all happy with it,i personaly think its better to take her out and shes happy then shel get on better with her studies and be a happier,it just hard for us moms who have to give things up to do it but its our kids and we want the best for them, and the best isnt always school.

[Dorje]

Wicked "i will contact the school if things dont improve definately and i know they will help."

I think you have to contact them immediately Things will not improve by themselves.
Good luck.