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Seeking resources introducing HE that I can present to DS's father?

(14 Posts)
organiccarrotcake Tue 02-Aug-11 16:41:52

My situation, for those who haven't picked up on it from previous recent postings, is that I have a 6 1/2YO at school, from a previous marriage.

I am not yet ready to approach my ex with the concept of changing to HE, but am preparing my case. Are there any good resources which I could throw at him "to consider", then run and hide for a while? grin. I feel that if I approach it as if I'm including him in the decision making, it may make him more likely to accept it. Like bollocks I am, of course. But hey ho.

Thanks!

EauRouge Tue 02-Aug-11 17:05:33

Hi Organic! <waves>

How open minded is he? I quite like some of the articles here but might your ex dismiss it as hippie crap? Would something more mainstream be better?

organiccarrotcake Tue 02-Aug-11 19:20:33

Thanks Eau! This is a fab resource for me, but ex will think "hippy radical lentil knitters". Given that I AM a hippy radical lentil knitter according to him (by all that is holy, I use cloth nappies AND (whispers) I have even been known to grow a tomato plant), mainstream is good smile

CheerMum Tue 02-Aug-11 19:46:11

What i found with my (terribly supportive but very traditional) hubby was that he was worried about how it would affect dd more than anything. as a result, we agreed to try it for a term and then follow dd's thoughts on whether to continue or go back to school.

personally, i would get your child thinking about HE and then maybe present it to Dad as an "dc really fanices giving this a go, i'm okay with it, even though it means more work for me...what do you think...p.s. you'll save a fortune being able to take him/her on holiday during term time"

organiccarrotcake Tue 02-Aug-11 20:53:19

cheer yes, very good point. Can I ask how old your DD was, and how she felt about it all?

Saracen Wed 03-Aug-11 08:40:47

OK, is your dh very traditional and academically ambitious? Is he the sort of person who would prefer private school if it were a possibility?

If so, you could point to the long historical tradition of home ed among families of the ruling classes. Those families often planned to send their children to boarding school later but started off with home education for the early years. The individual attention was considered to give a great education. Some home ed websites have lists of the names of historical figures who were home educated.

I think that last year I read an article in an American publication which is usually read by the movers and shakers, which presented HE as the ultimate in private education, the new choice of the elite, an education which gives the child an academic edge.

If that argument wouldn't float his boat, post again and I'll have another go. What is important to your ex about school/education? What does he want for his child?

organiccarrotcake Wed 03-Aug-11 09:41:48

Saracen, it's my ex-H, not my DH, which is where the problem lies as he's (sadly, genuinely, I'm not just being an "ex" by saying this) far more interested in causing trouble than he is with the child. However, I do like this as an argument.

I'll have to have a think about what's important to him. Excellent question.

Saracen Wed 03-Aug-11 10:35:58

Oops, sorry, typo, I did know it was your ex!

If he is really more interested in causing trouble than in what's best for his child, then is there any point trying to convince him? You could just push a few token articles in his direction so as to be seen to have tried to discuss the matter, and invite him to send you any research he may be able to produce which supports the view that home education is harmful, so you can discuss it together. Stress the word "research"; tabloid articles don't count!

I would bet good money that he won't be able to produce any proper research whatsoever against HE. He'd have to look for a very long time in order to find anything which remotely supports his view... and in the process of doing so, he'll see a great deal in favour of home education. He may decide at that point that it isn't worth trying to oppose you in court over this, and turn his attention to giving you a hard time about something else instead!

If he can't be bothered to try to dig up anything against HE, that proves he is not particularly interested in the issue. I have heard (only anecdotally) that courts are reluctant to involve themselves in educational matters and usually leave it to the resident parent to decide. After all, can you imagine the mess that would result if they had to examine all the ins and outs of whether each child should go to School A versus School B? Your ex may see home ed as a shocking radical idea, but the court (hopefully) would recognise that it is just another legal educational option, and his solicitor (hopefully) would advise him that it isn't worth pursuing.

throckenholt Wed 03-Aug-11 10:51:04

if he is likely to try and cause trouble then maybe he would report you to the local authority ?

In which case I would sort myself out an education philosophy and get some ideas of the kind of thing you will do on paper.

Don't forget one to one is much more intense than school so don't plan to fill all day every day with sit down academic stuff. Build in lots of free play learning, lots of out and about. And build in some social interaction - it seems to me that is often a major concern of most people - how are you going to ensure the child is not socially isolated.

Think about why you want to HE - is it because of a bad school experience - in which case you can sell it as a recovery period before finding a better school for him at a future date. It may well be that HE works best and becomes the long term solution - but it often helps settle people's concerns if you pitch it as a short term thing (at least to start with).

organiccarrotcake Wed 03-Aug-11 10:59:35

"I have heard (only anecdotally) that courts are reluctant to involve themselves in educational matters and usually leave it to the resident parent to decide."

This is what I'm really ultimately interested in - ie what my "rights" are - but I'm working on that as a side issue. I figure that if I give him positive information it works in two ways - 1) you never know, he may think it's a good idea and 2) I can, if required, prove to a court that I've involved him in the process. And I've got material to hand for the court.

throckenholt yes - excellent point as well. Thank you.

Can I just say how incredibly brilliant this board is? Thank you!

notatschool Wed 03-Aug-11 14:08:43

Education Otherwise do an intro to HE book which I've passed on to family members. Maybe give him a copy? Or "Free Range Education". Unfortunately what worked for DH was getting to knOw other HE families, but prob won't work in your situation. Otherwise I could introduce him to my friend who was HEd her whole life and has just qualified as a Dr wink 

organiccarrotcake Wed 03-Aug-11 15:23:23

Oh that's interesting in itself!

A HE friend of mine is lending me some books so I will see if any seem suitable for him.

TooJung Wed 03-Aug-11 19:41:39

Actual home educating parents are resources too. Is there a way of introducing your ex to some local home educating parents in a social setting he would be comfortable in?

organiccarrotcake Wed 03-Aug-11 21:57:03

Er - no. Nice idea smile But he's just not going to do that.

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