Feeling anxious and worried is a normal experience for children. Their still-developing sense of how their minds fit into the world means that thoughts and fears can be overwhelmingly powerful and very real: there really is a hungry tiger hiding under the bed, or eating those Brussel sprouts really could kill me. Most parents will recognise how intensely children can hold some of their beliefs about the world.
There is also an element of temperament in this. Even as babies, some infants startle more easily and are less easy to settle; we all know toddlers who howl at the sound of a hairdryer, while others blithely plough through whatever chaos may surround them. One of the hardest tasks of parenting can be learning to accommodate the particular sensitivities and needs of our children, whether this is because they differ so much from our own, or because we painfully recognise them.
While a degree of anxiety is natural, it is important to recognise when it is becoming a real problem – which is when it interferes with the child’s everyday life, perhaps through school attendance, their ability to interact with peers or adults, or to participate in and enjoy normal childhood activities. Early intervention makes a real difference.
If you are concerned that your child may be developing an anxiety disorder, the first step is to discuss it with your GP. The initial line of treatment is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which has been found to have high success rates. Children are supported in developing strategies to regulate their feelings and skills to help them cope with their fears. Parents of younger children will also normally be involved and support their child in any ‘homework’ suggested by the therapist.
Parents may also be asked to attend a CBT course where they will learn skills to help their child cope with and overcome anxiety. The fact that such courses normally focus on parenting approaches tells us how much parents can do to support their children with their fears. Parents should not feel blamed by this approach, but strengthened in their role – they can make a real difference in helping their children manage what can often seem an overwhelming and scary world. For some children, this additional parental support will be all they need, while some children may need further professional help - and there is no shame in this. As childhood anxiety expert Professor Cathy Creswell says, if a child has eczema, we consider the parent who consults a doctor and gives medicine as responsible and caring, we don’t blame them for the eczema.
Luke’s story is a typical example of childhood anxiety, and shows the positive impact CBT can have. When Luke was 10, his sleeping pattern became very disrupted and he developed severe anxiety about separation from his mother. It started in the run-up to a school trip away from home. He couldn’t sleep with the window open, and was frequently anxious and scared, upset even when his mother was on another floor in the house. The situation caused a great deal of tension within the family, as Luke’s father saw his behaviour as babyish and attention-seeking. In fact Luke had developed an anxiety disorder, and, fortunately, the family were able to access help.
Using CBT open questioning techniques, Beckie, Luke’s mother, asked him why he didn’t sleep with the window open. He told her that was afraid that men would come up a ladder at night and take him out the window. By asking questions and engaging Luke on his fears, Beckie was able to understand and reassure him. As part of the therapy Luke took charge of the window being opened and opened it a little more each night. His parents helped him monitor his feelings using a fear thermometer and learnt exercises to do when it went too high. After they completed the CBT course and used the tools learnt to help Luke, he is no longer anxious and sleeps well.
When supporting an anxious child, one of the most difficult - and important - things for parents is to remain calm themselves. Anxiety can be highly contagious; for very good evolutionary reasons, if we detect anxiety in someone else, it raises our own anxiety levels. If we respond to a child’s anxiety by seeming anxious, angry or upset, it is likely to set off a vicious cycle of increasingly negative emotions. This is not an argument for a ‘stiff upper lip’ denial of the child’s anxiety: instead the best approach is sympathy combined with robust and calm confidence that shows the parent themselves is not fearful. Try to talk in a calm and curious manner, ask open questions and listen to their fears without dismissing them as silly or attention-seeking
For more information on anxiety in childhood, download the latest podcasts from the Anna Freud National Centre.
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Guest post: "It's important to recognise when childhood anxiety is becoming a problem"
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MumsnetGuestPosts · 18/08/2016 14:04
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gadispoker ·
20/08/2016 00:34
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hannahgibbons01 ·
01/12/2016 16:39
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