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Am I doing the right thing - mother thinks not

(14 Posts)
Ladygooga Fri 11-Sep-09 10:42:53

I'd like a bit of objectivity please.

I am applying for work after staying at home for the past 6yrs with my dd's. dd1 is 6 and in full time school, dd2 is nearly 4yr and at school nursery in the afternoons. In order to go back to work I'm going to be putting her in private nursery for the mornings.

My mom has just had a good go at me for even contemplating this. "dd2 is too young to be away from you all day, its too disruptive for her, you won't be able to cope etc"

Now I doubt dd2 will even notice that I'm not there all day. She's very independant, confident and bubbly child. Loves going to nursery

My mom says it just her worrying as mothers do but was basically implying that if I were a better mother I wouldn't consider it.

I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary and tbh I need to do this now for myself as much as anything after 6yrs of being at home.

I also have a very supportive dh, who will help me with housework and childcare arrangements if I get a job.

So am I doing the right thing?

Tambajam Fri 11-Sep-09 10:46:26

I think your mother needs to hefty slap with a wet kipper.
She simply needs to bog off. You know your daughter and you know what is best for your family and your mother is projecting some of her own baggage on your situation.

I am a SAHM and have been for the past 5.5 years. It might be right for me to stay home but it does not mean it's right for everyone.

Go for it and please try and put your mother's comments out of your mind if that's possible. Trust your own instincts.

Tambajam Fri 11-Sep-09 10:47:14

That should read she needs to 'have a hefty slap with a wet kipper'. Sorry!

(about the typo not the kipper part)

Tortington Fri 11-Sep-09 10:49:58

you are abolutely doing the right thing.

as an aside can i ask if you are doing this becusae you hwant to - or becuase youhave to financially?

heavenstobetsy Fri 11-Sep-09 10:50:49

Tambajam is right - you know your children better than your mother does and if you feel the time is right to return for work you must go for it!

wingandprayer Fri 11-Sep-09 10:51:14

Oh god yes, you are doing the right thing. You know your daughter best, and it's not as if, worst case scenario, it didn't work out you couldn't change the situation immediately. If your Mum is anti childcare will she be volunteering to help look after your DD for perhaps one of those mornings? Different generation, different rules. I am lucky, my mum worked when I was small (and got a load of evils at the school gate as a result) but she's always been brilliantly supportive of me working. I'm guessing your mum didn't work so she doesn't see why you want to?

Wonderstuff Fri 11-Sep-09 10:55:03

You know what is best for you and your family. Your mother is being totally unreasonable. Could it be less about you and actually all about her? I think that parents sometimes see it as a judgement on thier choices when we choose to do things differently? Gosh at nearly 4 she will be in school next year, I think that you are totally doing the right thing and have done brilliantly to be at home for so long.

I personally put dd into nursery when she was 10mo. I needed to go back to work at that point, for my own sanity as much as family income. I love being able to be me for some of the week and not mum. I am currently contemplating going from 3 days to 4 when she turns 2. I think that part of my role as a parent is providing financially for my family. As much my resonsibility as dh.

Ladygooga Fri 11-Sep-09 11:05:00

I am going back to work because I want to, We have managed on dh's wage for 6yrs but yes the extra money will help. But it is mainly because I want/need something else in my life. It would also be nice to take some of the financial pressure off dh

My mom never worked when we were children and now can't for health reasons but I don't think she ever had the desire to go out to work.

She will be starting school full time next yr anyway and I have said that if she didn't settle then I would stay at home for another 12 months for her sake. But I think dd2 will love it anyway.

In my heart I know I am doing the right thing, I just want some support off my parents for once.

Lizzylou Fri 11-Sep-09 11:08:22

From what you say it sounds like it will be good for you and your DD.
YOu Mom is just sticking her nose in, take no heed.
YOu've obviously thought about this a lot and you know your DD and how well she will adjust to nursery full time, go for it.

MorganRee Fri 11-Sep-09 12:21:12

I second the slap with the wet fish!!
Although I guess your mums feelings are pretty normal for the older generation where wwomen stayed at home with the kids and the men went out to work

My ds was much like your youngest, very independant and loved his 3 afternoons a week at nurse
At the age of 2.5 I had to put him into full time childcare because I started university
He's been full time for the past year and I have seen nothing but positive changes in him
He adores nursery and loves playing with his friends.
Some days when I don't need to be a Uni I keep him at home with me because I'd like to sspend a little bit more time with him, most of the day is spent with him asking when he's going back to nursery. Charming!! grin

You know whats best for your family and if your ds is already loving her afternoons then I can't see any valid reason why she won't enjoy more time there

stealthsquiggle Fri 11-Sep-09 12:33:09

<<supplies kipper>>

Your mother is entirely out of order. You and your DH know what is best for your family and are doing it. Good for you.

Ladygooga Fri 11-Sep-09 16:30:53

Thank you for all your comments, I feel a lot better now and certainly will put my mom in her place if she starts again. It just irritates me so much that my 2 siblings can do no wrong but nothing I ever do is good enough for them.

But I've come to conclusion that I don't care what she thinks anymore and also I think part of the reason she is moaning is because I won't be around to run errands for her all week.

So I'm currently filling in an application form and 4 more are on there waysmile

Wonderstuff Fri 11-Sep-09 17:10:23

Good luck smile

Sounds like she has some control issues tbh.

violethill Fri 11-Sep-09 17:53:21

Sounds like she's jealous!

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