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Come and talk to me about how it all felt a bit different when you went back after the second child and just what you did about that....

(9 Posts)
beansprout Tue 20-Jan-09 15:47:50

I came back to work (3 days a week) in November. Ds2 will be a year old on Friday. I'm struggling a bit really as my heart is just not in the job any more. There has been a lot of change in my absence (new boss, new office, new team....!) and I can get on and do a lot in the day but I am just not enjoying it and really, really look forward to going home each day, much more so than before. Ds1 will be 5 this year and I am very aware of just how short these pre school years are.

I understand that this is quite common. We can't afford for me to stop work atm, so if you have been in this position, how did you square the circle?

beansprout Tue 20-Jan-09 16:36:30

Anyone? smile

citronella Tue 20-Jan-09 16:40:11

Have no choice so I just get on with it. Somedays I really enjoy work others not but I try not to allow myself on the slippery slope of worrying too much about it. One goal to work towards for me would be to be able to do a 4 day week.

beansprout Wed 21-Jan-09 17:02:35

Anyone else? I know I have to get on with it, but it's much harder this time. sad

muminaquandary Wed 21-Jan-09 20:35:45

I set myself deadlines - if I can just get to the next holiday / weekend without having a nervous breakdown and I have enough days I enjoy work in between = achievement.

CeciC Wed 21-Jan-09 21:29:52

Hi Beansprout,
I understand completely how you feel. After DD1 I went back to work very happy, as I didn't enjoy staying at home that much. 4 years later DD2 was born and I didn't want to go back to work, as I did enjoy a lot staying at home. As DD1 was not in school f/t, we could do a lot together. But like you by then, I couldn't afford not to go back to work, so I had to go back to work, but it was very difficult. A lot of days I would drive back to pick up my eldest from School, and I would cry in the car sad,... but now 4 years later, I am used, and I enjoy my job. From very early I got used to separate home/job. Once I leave work, my mind gets into "mum" routine, and even if I had a bad day at work, it goes at the back of my mind, and it doesn't come back after next morning, on my way to work.
Usually during work, I try no to think on home stuff ( not always possible) but it helps me, to keep these two worlds separate and enjoy both.
Give it time. At least you have 4 days in the week that you don't have to go to work. I work f/time (7-2:30), but from 2:30pm work doesn't exist.

strawberrycornetto Wed 21-Jan-09 21:32:58

I am in virtually the same position. My DS will be 5 this year and starts school in September. I went back to work 4 days a week, one from home, in October when DS was 7 months old. There have also been changes in my workplace.

I feel the same as you. A massive part of me wants to be at home all the time with my children but we can't afford it.

So far, the only advice I can offer is that I am setting myself stages, a but like muminaquandary said. So I said I would review when I've been back 6 months, and I am trying to work through what the alternatives are (relocation, selling our house and downsizing, finding a new job) and what the advantages and disadvantages are. I guess its holding onto hope that there is another way. I feel like these are the best years of my life, while my little ones are small, and I do not want to look back with regret.

I hope you feel better soon, I do believe it takes 6 months to adapt to a new job, and I guess this is kind of the same process.

strawberrycornetto Wed 21-Jan-09 21:33:00

I am in virtually the same position. My DS will be 5 this year and starts school in September. I went back to work 4 days a week, one from home, in October when DS was 7 months old. There have also been changes in my workplace.

I feel the same as you. A massive part of me wants to be at home all the time with my children but we can't afford it.

So far, the only advice I can offer is that I am setting myself stages, a but like muminaquandary said. So I said I would review when I've been back 6 months, and I am trying to work through what the alternatives are (relocation, selling our house and downsizing, finding a new job) and what the advantages and disadvantages are. I guess its holding onto hope that there is another way. I feel like these are the best years of my life, while my little ones are small, and I do not want to look back with regret.

I hope you feel better soon, I do believe it takes 6 months to adapt to a new job, and I guess this is kind of the same process.

strawberrycornetto Wed 21-Jan-09 21:33:01

I am in virtually the same position. My DS will be 5 this year and starts school in September. I went back to work 4 days a week, one from home, in October when DS was 7 months old. There have also been changes in my workplace.

I feel the same as you. A massive part of me wants to be at home all the time with my children but we can't afford it.

So far, the only advice I can offer is that I am setting myself stages, a but like muminaquandary said. So I said I would review when I've been back 6 months, and I am trying to work through what the alternatives are (relocation, selling our house and downsizing, finding a new job) and what the advantages and disadvantages are. I guess its holding onto hope that there is another way. I feel like these are the best years of my life, while my little ones are small, and I do not want to look back with regret.

I hope you feel better soon, I do believe it takes 6 months to adapt to a new job, and I guess this is kind of the same process.

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