Brain has stopped functioning. No confidence. Support please!

[sallyforth]

The terrible realisation is dawning on me that I'm due back at work at the start of Sept. DS will be 6mo.

I HAVE to work fulltime, alas, as I am the breadwinner. DH barely earns enough to cover the nursery bills but if he gives up work now it will be hard for him to go back when DS is older. Also we live in hope that one day he will get a pay rise/promotion etc.

I currently am with DS 24/7, can't imagine ever being apart from him.

Also I used to be quite intelligent and capable but something has happened to my brain and I can't concentrate on anything and have no confidence. In my job I have to work independently, coordinate lots of stuff and generally be on the ball. I used to love this but what if I am always thinking about DS and can't do it?

We have found DS a lovely nursery in our village (DH and I commute to different cities so this way we can share the pick up/drop off). So I know deep down that DS will be fine. It will be me that will have the problems. And what's the use of going back to work if I can't cope? But I have to cope - I will be paying the mortgage!

Please, if anyone can give messages of support or advice, now would be a good time. I know I am suffering from PFB syndrome but it doesn't make it any easier!

[Josephnia]

I felt exactly the same! The first half of my maternity leave I really struggled - felt crap after CS, had difficulty adjusting to motherhood etc. The 2nd half, the sun came out, I joined some m & b groups, met friends for lunch and really enjoyed spending time with dd. I would have loved to have stayed home longer but like you I was the main breadwinner and it just wasn't an option. I had nightmares for weeks about going back. I'd already sorted a nursery and was happy that she would be well looked after. Logistically I booked dd to start nursery on Monday but told work I would't be back til Tuesday. Me and DH dropped her off and I blubbed big time - so glad I didn't have to go to office. After I'd regained control I had an appointment for a haircut, manicure etc and then had a wander round the shops to buy a new top or something for the big return- basically a big bit of "me time"! It felt so strange - I kept looking round to see where I'd left the pushchair! It meant I could go back to collect dd nice and early the first day too. The next day I felt much happier and more "with it" and actually I did really enjoy getting back to being in control of the day and having lots of grown up conversation. It did take a few weeks to get back to normal - though in my opinion your brain never fully recovers After that I never looked back really. It is hard sometimes - particularly when they are tiny and you don't get much time with them before it's bedtime. Dd is a very happy, social child at 4.5 with lots of friends and I think she's had much more fun and stimulation with nursery and school than I could ever have offered being home all day - probably would have gone nutty!

[yousaidit]

Oooh, the night before you go back to work you will prob be a ferocious dragon to the dh, and then a snivelling wreck when tucking ds into his cot thinking he'll forget who you are and won't love you anymore (of course, not that i'm speaking from personal experience!! ) At work you will cheerfully be welcomed with expectations of haviong cake mixture for brains dribbling outr of your ears, so anything you manage will be a bonus, and after a week you will more than likely be skipping to work because it is a break (i never understood people who said this till i went back to work)! and skippiing home n a friday because it's the weekend rather than watching the days pass by in a slow motion blur!! When dd was about 10m i was ready to go to work!!!!