Ok, I'm in a dilemma and could really do with some advice! ( a bit long, sorry)

[LittleMyDancing]

So this one takes some explaining.....

I recently finished a one year maternity cover contract which was my first job after having DS (was made redundant from job I had before that). Job was good but really stretched me and very very busy. Got pg half way through but lost the baby at 20 weeks, right near the end of the contract. Left in March.

Have been looking for a job since then, without much luck, and getting v. frustrated as want to ttc again but didn't want to without getting new job. Finally the other night DP and I had a talk and he says to come and work for him freelance, his business really needs some help, and then we can ttc straight away and when I go off from his business on Mat Leave, we hire someone to replace me. And I can take on other freelance stuff at the same time if it comes up.

So I have one job application still out there that I'm waiting to hear about, so I say to DP ok if this one doesn't give me an interview, then I'll work for you. Trouble is, working for him is not at all in the same career path as I had been following so it would make it difficult to get back into my career afterwards.

THEN.....the place I did the maternity cover contract promotes the woman I covered for and creates a new role which they start advertising today, which is right up my street, flexible hours welcomed, etc etc

So do I apply for the job at my old place? When I worked there before it did completely wipe me out, but they've created two roles where I was doing just one, so it would be less busy. Also there was one member of the team that was a total nightmare to manage, and this new role would mean line managing them, so that's a minus point.

But it's more money, and a good pension.

But DP really wants me to work for him (I've already started doing some work for him) and it's shorter hours with DP and a lot easier.

So do I coast it a bit with DP but risk my career, or do I apply for this new job even though it would probably be much harder work? I have noticed that I'm a better mum when not working so hard, so that's a factor....

Help!

[LittleMyDancing]

bump to give people time to read to the end!

[LittleMyDancing]

Well, that's another ishooooo - the job is currently advertised as a fixed term one year contract. i don't even know if I could work with two DCs, whether it would be worthwhile financially, and whether I'd want to, iyswim.

but I hate the idea of abandoning my career, I've worked pretty farkin hard to get to where I am!

and I don't want to make DP sad. he's already said how much difference it makes having me around the office

[posieflump]

I would go for your old place of work
Just from your post I can tell that is what you really want to do
Do what you want to do and not dp
Otherwise you will feel resentfu and problems might happen furthr down the line

[LittleMyDancing]

Hello lapin, BTW

It sort of is, posieflump, but then it was blinkin hard work, and it has a lot of bad memories linked to losing the baby etc, so it's kind of scary. And I think part of me is worried that it was the hard work that affected the baby, even though I know that's really unlikely.

[MadBadandDangeroustoKnow]

I hope this doesn't sound brutal, but another factor you have to weigh up is that it could take you (like so many of us) a long time to conceive and so you may spend several years freelancing. What might working with your dp do to or for your relationship, especially if you are both tense or anxious about ttc? What are your longer-term career plans - are you determined to get back into your previous career, sooner or later? Is the freelancing just a stop-gap until (we hope) you have your second baby? Would you go back to it afterwards?

I can't really offer any advice but I suspect that, for anybody, working for their spouse could be a minefield. But, equally, if you have any doubts about combining the other job with ttc or with having a baby, freelancing may give you some useful time for evaluation of what you want from your career.

[LittleMyDancing]

Not brutal at all MadBad, and a very good point. I've been assuming that it would be quite easy, as we were lucky and DS and the baby we lost were conceived very quickly, but you never know.

I do have qualms about working with DP, not just about the relationship but also about putting all our financial eggs in one basket.

And I think, long term, I can't imagine not going back to this career after all our DCs are born.

[LittleMyDancing]

You're right lapin, and that's one of the reasons I was keen on working for DP, as it felt rude to start working for an employer specifically intending to get pregnant right away! But I'm not willing to wait much longer to ttc, which is why a one year contract is ideal.

When I worked there before I already had DS (he's two now), so the wipe out factor will be the same, iyswim - or possibly less as they've now created two roles where previously there was one.

But i think you may be right - apply, and see what happens. I can always say no!

[LittleMyDancing]

I just know DP is going to be sad

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

I'd also go for the old job. Even if you have a strong relationship with your DP things may get a bit difficult around stressful deadline times. You may always be in his "shadow" rather than your own person. You'd have no need to put on make up and wear nice clothes (ok, that's me being fatuous, I know). There are lots of benefits but I think I'd go out in the world for a bit longer and deal with practicalities as and when they arrive. You're too early in the career & children game to go for the easy option IMO and IME (I've done it, perfect thing at the time but huge long-term negative consequences).

[LittleMyDancing]

You are all very wise. I think it's just the fact that DP will be sad that's putting me off. And that ain't a good reason.

[LittleMyDancing]

Well, it's a good reason for lots of things, but possibly not for career decisions.

IYSWIM.

Except sometimes.

Oh, you know what I mean.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

What are his main reasons for wanting you to work for him? Reliability, responsibility, I'd guess, keeping the money within the family?

[MadBadandDangeroustoKnow]

I truly hope you will fall pregnant quickly, but I do think that you have to think about all the possibilities. As you say, you never can tell.

If I were to work for my husband, I think the issue for us would be that we would never really switch off - it was rather like that when we worked not together but in the same vast corporation. Is your partner's business likely to feel the effects of the credit crunch? If the supply of freelance work from him or anyone else might shrink, that might be another argument in favour of applying for the other job.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

I should have said how sorry I am to hear of your pg loss at 20 weeks. Goind back to your old workplace for that reason alone shouldn't be too difficult, except from you. I mean your old work colleagues will have, sadly, forgotten and moved on, or not be prepared to talk to you about your pg, just because it's difficult to know what to say. It may be on your mind but not theirs. (I've been there too, going back was v hard.)

[MadBadandDangeroustoKnow]

Littlelapin made the point much more succinctly than I did about needing some separation.

[LittleMyDancing]

He really needs someone he can trust in the business, that's why he wants me there. He's got two very young blokes working for him and he's away a lot, so he wants someone to manage them on a daily basis and keep things running.

But I think I do want a job that's just mine - I was keen on working for him as a way of having a baby sooner rather than later, but if this one allows me to do that, then it might be a better idea.

[LittleMyDancing]

Thanks Cristina - the thought does make me nervous, but I think it would be ok. His due date would have been on Thursday this week

[MadBadandDangeroustoKnow]

Well, you might not but as they know you and your work - and I'm guessing you performed well there as you obviously gave it your all - you must have a very good chance.

Also, the more you say about your partner's expectations, the more I wonder whether shouldering so much responsibility for managing the company might bring you extra stress. How willing will the young blokes be, to be managed by you? Will they accept you as their manager or will they resent you as being 'just' the boss's partner? Ultimately, that is their problem but it could make your working life uncomfortable.

[LittleMyDancing]

thanks lapin - fingers crossed!

[LittleMyDancing]

Tis true, MadBad - I think I did do well there, without wishing to be smug, so I think I'd be in with a chance.

Now have to break it to DP....

[MadBadandDangeroustoKnow]

Good luck and I hope the sadness of Thursday will pass.