please help, really really need some advice!

[2pinkshoes]

this might be long post but please stick with it....

my dd is 21 months, i work full time as a general manager in a restaurant. i work 9>5.30pm 3 days a week and 4>1am (or later) 2 days a week. my dp is a general manager in a bar and works shifts too (less hours but more evenings). we have a childminder 2 days a week and a babysitter 1 evening a week. dp is really struggling with the pressure of trying to work out our rotas and arrange who is having dd when. he says i never put my family first and cant say no to work. i feel like i cant say no, ie if my assistant manager calls in sick i have to cover the shift. i think the pressure of me working f/t is making dp quite depressed. he misses his family (he's portuguese so all family are in portugal). i think he wants me to leave and get a p/t job so i will spend more time with him and dd.
i do put work before my family sometimes but i dont feel like i have any choice. ive worked so hard to get this job and have no idea what else i could do, ive never done anything else. i know dd would be better off if i was at home more and was fully focused on her not worrying about the restaurant all the time.

i should leave shouldnt i? i know i should because my realationship is gonna fall apart if i dont but what else would i do, how do i start another career but just do it part time for a few years?

help!

[bristols]

Is it an option to do your existing job part time?

[2pinkshoes]

no i asked when i first returned from maternity leave, they are a really great company to work for just not if you have a family!

[2pinkshoes]

bump! help!

[heavy]

is it part of a chain? i knew someone with managerial experience who worked lots of shifts, she managed to get a job as a trainer in the same company - much more 9-5 ish.
do you think your dp might like to work less?

[2pinkshoes]

he keeps threatening to resign but he'd be lost without his job as he doesnt have many friends outside of work. if he cut his hours i think he would have be just staff not mnagement and i think he is a bit too traditional to cope with earning less etc than me.

i thought about training but most of it is based in london (i'm in west yorkshire) so less hours buy a lot of travel. maybe i should go part time but at a lower level or something. am so confused!

thanks for the suggestions though?

[heavy]

would you think about setting up a business together? def not an easy option but you get to see more of each other and as you're your own boss you can organise your hours around dc's a bit more.

[2pinkshoes]

thats a really good idea, we've talked about it a few times in the past. we always wanted to move to somewhere by the sea and set up bar/restaurant. can you get business loans for the amount of cash we'd need? maybe we should just have a sandwich shop or something a bit more realistic?

[heavy]

i'm not v.clued up I'm afraid. but at least if you had it as a goal you could spend a few months researching it and it would give you something to focus on together. maybe he'd just be happier because you've recognised the current situation isn't working for your family. there's no point quitting your job tomorrow if you've nothing to replace it with that will fulfill you. You'll just be miserable and poor instead of miserable and overworked!
off to bed now, sure you'll think of something though. will check tomorrow and see what others think.

[2pinkshoes]

thanks for your help!

[bristols]

Sorry for disappearing last night. Had to go to bed! Sounds like the setting up on your own would be good, albeit hard work.

Double check with your HR department regarding working full time. They do have a legal obligation to consider flexible working after you've had a baby. Although that doesn't necessarily mean you'll get it...