Been back two days - feeling really insecure!

[TheresSomebodyAtTheDoooorrr]

I feel like a silly teenager writing this

I've just gotten back from 11 months of maternity leave. I'm going to be doing a job share with my maternity cover as of October, but I'm full time for a few weeks to get back into the swing of things.

I don't know how best to describe the feeling. I'm sure it's normal to feel pushed out. But I just feel useless! Everything has changed in my absence, and no one is talking me through any new systems or procedures. I'm being berated by other departments for not knowing basic things, but no one is actually showing me any of the new stuff. I've explained I've been on maternity leave, been back a day and a half, but no one seems to be even slightly understanding that actually, I'm not up to speed yet but I could be if they stopped calling me to tell me how useless I am for not getting work in on time. It's really knocking my already fragile confidence.

The bulk of my colleagues have changed, and I guess I just feel totally out of place. I've got zero support. And I just feel like I'm irritating people by asking them questions. It doesn't help my cover is older, and has much more experience to go with it then I do.

I swear people open my office door and seem disappointed to see that it's me

Any words of advice?

[TheresSomebodyAtTheDoooorrr]

So many grammatical errors in that please forgive me! I've been up since 4 with DS, I'm starting to go a bit mad.

[Lazypuppy]

Did you not do any KIT days during your maternity leave?

If you are unsure, you need to ask, don't wait to have it explained to you.not sayibg that's how it should be, but be proactive

[GoAwayScaryVampire]

I felt exactly the same as you do. I felt pushed out, uninformed, surplus to requirements, useless and cried every night for ages. It won’t last though...I promise!! I think it took me a couple of months to remember there was actually a reason I had that job, which had been given to me because I was capable of doing it!! Same for you! Chin up and hope you get some sleep ☺️

[TheresSomebodyAtTheDoooorrr]

I did 8 KIT days, no where near enough to prepare me as whenever I booked them, my mat cover took it to mean she could take a day off ! So I sort of muddled along as best I could.

Since the beginning of August, I've been trying to arrange refresher training for myself with my regional manager and line manager. Both say they are too busy, which I understand, but then have a go at me when I have to call and ask for information or use an outdated piece of paperwork I've called around and emailed a few people this week trying to bring myself to to scratch, but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm trying my best to utilise other departments for information, and to be fair, they're being a lot more helpful and understanding than my managers are!

I think I'm getting back into the swing of it. I think my team can see how hard I'm trying and are being a bit lure sympathetic.

[TheresSomebodyAtTheDoooorrr]

More, not lure!