Need a mumsnet confidence boost!!!!!! I have just got a job.

[Kc1009]

Good day to you all.

I'm hoping your having a lovely day.

Right so I'm a mother of two girls aged 3,5. Since I left work (made-redundant) back before I had my second child. I have always wanted to go back to work. Not because I love work but because I have always always felt I do not contribute financially to my family as I don't do enough. (Yes I know some will say a full time mum is a full time job but to me I just don't feel that way) my husband works hard to make sure that I am happy and am able to stay home with my girls. Not to boast just to get people to understand me, I have a nice house with a nice car on the driveway. Husband always wants the best. I have always felt guilt. Not a day doesn't pass where I don't feel guilty for not helping finacially. Our financials are not great but we get by with what we have. If anyone looking in we look wealthy but that is so so not the case.

So getting to the point. I've managed to get myself a job. I should be excited. But I'm flittering between crying and excited and I can't control my emotions I applied for the job last Thursday had the interview on the Monday and got offered the job Tuesday morning at 9:10 in the morning. To start induction next week. (Not sure if my emotions is down to the fact it feels so so so fast. From applying to starting). My hours will be a mix of 06:00 - 10:00 in the morning and then 17:00 - 21:00 in the evening. With every Sunday off and then one other day off during the week. I'm worried about what effect it will have on the children. I'm worried about if my husband can handle the school/nursery Run in the morning, (I've always done it), if the husband can handle looking after them in the evening cooking for them and getting them to bed (I've never let my husband cook in our kitchen been her 4 years and we have always bathed and put the girls to bed together).

The husband is a great father and great husband but sadly I am a control freak and hate hate change. I've always tried to make sure I do everything because he works and I don't. The house is always spotless and I try my best to make sure my husband comes home and doesn't haven't to do much. Although he wouldn't mind. It's just the way I am.


What have I done I want a job I'm so so desperate to work but when it comes down to it I'm scared. We have no family or friends to help so it means not just change with me working but the husband will have to change his hours to work round mine to help look after the girls.

I really don't know what responses I am expecting but just sitting her sobbing hiding in a different room from my youngest certainly isn't working right now. My mind is on overdrive. Which also means no sleep either.

Thank you for reading and I'm sorry if I have made no sense what so ever.