Hello - new and clueless!

[leelalala]

Hello, I wonder if someone can help? I have a 4 year old ds who we think is gifted. I've just spoken to the NAGC who agreed, but they said not to get him assessed and to get in touch with the gifted and talented lead in the area. We live in Powys and I can't seem to find any info on the council website so I don't know where to turn next?

Do I phone the school and ask them? I'm a bit scared of seeming like a pushy parent! But the teachers spoke recently about another gifted boy who's mother removed him from that school because they weren't helping him, so I don't know how helpful they'll be.

I just don't really know where or how to go! Can anyone put it simply for a not-so-gifted mother?!

Thank you for any help x

[smee]

It's great he's bright, but why not just go with his interests and make sure he's happy and excited about life and all things that go with it. Once he's more into the school system you can see how his teachers handle him as they'll assess him anyway, then take it from there.

[madwomanintheattic]

no-one is interested until school, unless you want to register him with mensa, and they'll assess him if you pay i think.

the pre-school wanted ds1 assessed by the lea, but they won't assess that early. no point really. i quite agree with not wasting money that could be better spent on improving education across the board tbh.

not sure what you think is going to happen even if he is assessed as gifted though?

there are some early courses and stuff avail through yg&t, but think they still have to be school age - they do run some parent conferences i think... but generally if you want to make something out of a notional 'gifted' label, then it'll be you doing the running all the way and paying for it lol.

i sound really jaded, don't i?

all you can ever ask for at school is appropriate differentiation with work. so for example, dd2 was assessed when she started, and so she didn't have to do the whole biff and chip ad nauseum thing - they started her further down the road. she still sat in the same year r class and ate dirt like everyone else

dd1 has been waiting 6 months for external assessment at her new school.

anyways, it depends why you want him assessed really...

[leelalala]

Hi, thanks for the replies.

I don't think we want him assessed - perhaps when he's older if he still exhibits the same things.

The reason I started looking into all this is that ds has started not wanting to go to school already - complaining that it's boring and the other children keep interfering with his projects etc. He is an extremely emotional boy and finds them frustrating to the point of tears.

After writing my op I phoned the school and spoke to his teacher to explain that we're having to bribe him to go to school and the reasons he has stated for not wanting to go. Her answer was that his concentration skills and general knowledge are exceptional and so the other children get bored before he does and start doing other things or disturbing him. she said he just had to settle into it and I had to keep explaining to him that he ahs to be patient with the other children beause they're of mixed abilities and he's just very lucky.

I feel a bit fobbed off by this because it feels like ds is being told to suck it and see.

We were told by both of our health visitors that ds is gifted. He was walking at 7 months, could recognise several numbers and letters as well as his own name, and count to 12 by 18 months. By 2 and a half he could explain the difference between a galaxy and a nebula and would sit and 'read' National Geographics for hours. His questions are endless and complicated, I'm haivng to Google things to keep up! I'm obviously proud of him, but at the same time it's worrying because he is so emotional he'll sob at a piece of music, or will cry for ages because he will suddenly remember he lost a teddy a month before and 'The teddy will feel sad because he's all alone'. I worry that if he continues to not enjoy school as much, he'll end up being jaded and never really enjoy it.

I just don't really know where else to turn, which is why I thought someone might have some advice for me here!

[smee]

leelalala. I might be totally wrong about this, but here's another take on it. From what you say, the school seems to be saying that your son is very bright, but maybe what he needs to work on more is being part of the class/ one of a group. If so, well surely that's as important for him to become good at. It's a key skill if he's going to be happy through school and also in future life.
So I'd say that's possibly separate from how bright he is. In other words, it might not be them fobbing you off, more then looking at him as a whole person.
On the gifted side, I disagree a bit with madwoman, as so much depends on the individual school. We found not a lot of that until Year One in our school, but now each child is assessed regularly and the parents are told half termly what the aims are for the term and what the children will be working towards. Am rambling a bit, but fwiw, I'd suggest you make a proper meeting with the teacher. Say you're concerned your son is starting not to like school and want to work out how to stop him feeling like that. Then sit back and see what she says about him. You might find their take is that he's not 'bored' in the conventional sense, more bored by not getting his own way all the time as he's one of many. It's really common in reception, especially with bright kids. If it's any comfort, my son sounds as emotional and sensitive as yours. Last week he sobbed for an hour because he remembered his buggy that we gave away two years ago.

[leelalala]

Lol at the buggy Smee! I dread to think what the poor sods will be like when they start noticing the girls. I can see I'll spend as much time with my son mending his broken heart as I will with my daughter.

Tbh, I haven't looked at it from that perspective. I suppose he has been at home with me getting lots of one on one attention until he started school. Though he did go to nursery 3 mornings a week, there were only 8 in a class and 3 nursery staff! I know he struggles to connect with more than one child at a time, maybe it will be good for him to learn how to play a bit better. The teacher did also say he spends a lot of time on his own, because he prefers to.

I just don't want him turning out like my older brother or dh's older sister! Both of them were gifted and were never supported properly - my brother was tested in school by Mensa at 15 and had an IQ of 154. He now workss in a call centre, has no A-levels, never went to uni etc. But it was too late by the time they noticed and tested him at 15, before that they just said he was a problem child etc. My Mum kept insisting that he was gifted but they refused to listen to her. It's a similar story with my sister in law - but she now works counting buses in London for pity's sake!

I think that's why I'm so worried about it. But I can also see how I might end up making it worse for him too. Argh - I thought the worst thing about being a parent was supposed to be the sleepless nights! lol

[smee]

Me too - I dread to think what my overly emotional child will be like as a teenager...
What happened to your brother and DH's older sister is very sad. Maybe the key to avoiding it though is to make your son like school for all sorts of reasons - ie not just because he learns things there. If he enjoys the social side of school and can form strong friendships, it'll help him get through everything and he'll thrive regardless. But you're right, if he switches off and feels the outsider then he could be lost. I'd definitely go and grab his teacher. If he's saying he hates school this early, they should be working with you.

[gameface]

followed your post after your kind reply to mine

i very much sympathise with your concern, but would like to reassure you that i probably felt the same with my son when he was in reception. i felt he was ready for bigger challenges, but the emphasis in reception was very much about settling everyone emotionally and maybe bringing some of those who were struggling up to the base line.

for what it's worth, we just rolled with it through reception and the bigger challenges and acknowledgment of my son's needs did come pretty quickly in year one. so if i were in your position, from an academic perspective i wouldn't worry too much.... yet

having said that, it doesn't solve your problem of stopping your little one being bored throughout this year. maybe it has to do with expectations. i know in our house we all had expectations that learning would really kick off once he reached school whereas in reality it was another year til that happened.

could you explain to your little boy that he is really clever and you are proud of him for that, and in the coming months, maybe even next year, school will start to offer him challenges, but in the meantime give him permission to let himself just enjoy making new friends. or if he is quite goal oriented, maybe set him social/ emotional/ play challenges so that he can feel like he has succeeded/ is moving forward in some way?

as an example, i know my son is aware that a lot of his schoolfriends aren't at the same level as him and he genuinely seems to enjoy helping them, so maybe that could hold his interest? maybe explain his situation to him in terms of helping others - like if he is going over work he finds easy in school, like basic counting for example, he is helping some of the others to learn rather than learning it over and over for himself - my son loves to think of himself as a little teaching assistant it's not the right way to keep his relationship with his peers forever, but if it gets him through this few months with some motivation it might be worth it. your son sounds like a lovely, sensitive little soul, so i'm sure he'd like being kind to others...

hope we can help each other in future xxx

[Llewella]

I have a ds who will be 3.5 in May. Nursery have explained that although She has the skills to get on with the other Children She chooses to spend lots of time playing alone on complex activities. That she concentrates for an incredible ammount of time etc. I have deliberately concentrated on 'age appropriate' activities with her until now but it is becoming incresingly obvious that her thirst for academic knowledge is considerable. She also has no peers - She does not understand why her classmates don't share, follow rules of games, take turns, don't listen to stories, flit from one activity to another etc. She is already 'pretending' not to know things in nursery to be like the other children. When she has a choice ie in the local park she identifies with and gravitates towards the 6 year olds, she obeys the rules of their games and fits in. she also displays high levels of empathy. Her father is exceptionally bright and shows several of the traits of aspergers but it seems that she doesn't. We live in Caerphilly and would be delighted to meet others in a similar situation - like the op, Powys is fairly close