DS1 - aged 9 and one of non-identical twins - is struggling at his academically selective school. He has an IQ of 139 but finds it difficult to settle to work or to concentrate. In Maths, for eg, he'll sit and do 3 sums whilst the rest of his class (he's in the middle set) complete 15 unaided.
He has a twin - DS2 - who has a quirky IQ profile - off the board talented at literacy skills but a big dip at numerical related things. DS2 is thriving at school, v popular with the teachers, a small group of equally quirky friends and is in the school's own G & T programme for English. DS2 has Asperger's traits, without meriting the full diagnosis but this seems to make him more able to focus in lessons and to work unaided. Even in Maths (he's in the same set as his twin), he's doing fine.
DS1 has the higher IQ, is by far the more 'normal' child - socially much more adept and without quirks - except for the inability to sit still and concentrate. He can do far far more if an adult sits beside him and supports him to work.
However, the twins are in a class of 26 (in Maths - otherwise 24), in separate classes, except for Maths and children like DS1 get 'lost' given the huge (for a fee-paying school) numbers of pupils.
So DS1 now feels 'stupid' and that his twin is the clever one - whereas he's actually got more innate ability across the board. I feel v guilty, as I turned down a place for him at pre-prep at age 2.75, when his now much more 'successful' twin was deemed 'backwards' and didn't get in. I wanted them to be together. But now I feel I've 'failed' DS1 as perhaps an early start at that school (which eventually fed into the one where they're now at) would have culitvated his talents and ability. They really wanted him back then.
How can I help DS1 to feel better self-esteem? He is constantly compared to his twin and found wanting by the school. There is a possibility that he may not be offered a place at the upper part of the school in 2 yrs time. He'd be devastated by this as our social lives revolve around the school and other families there. He'd also believe that he really is stupid.
Might he have some specific cognitive difficulties with focusing and attention? How can I possibly help him to overcome this if he needs to be functioning in a class of 26?
I've looked into other school options and there's nothing at all locally - nothing that's academically selective and/or that goes up to age 18 (most other schools stop at age 13).
I am trying to tutor him a bit in Maths (my worst subject but, from his IQ profile, one that he should be good at). He has nil confidence, yet can do a lot when I focus attention on him one-to-one compared with when he tries to do homework alone or classwork.
I am more interested in how to help a G & T child with attentional difficulties (and he's a bit twitchy and hyper and hates sitting still) than a proper psych. assessment, although I'll get one of those if it'd help.
Has anyone else helped their similar child and how have you done it?
Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.
Gifted and talented
G & T - but failing at school
Solo2 · 11/10/2010 18:44
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