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(18 Posts)
AnotherHelen Tue 05-Jul-05 17:55:02

My dp wont stop smoking!!! he has told me soooo many times that he will stop at new years, and he does for about a week! then he will give himself a date and then he'll stop and he does but again for about a week!! two at most!! he did quit a couple of years ago and last best part of a year!!! so why the hell start again after all that time??? he says shouldnt quit unless he wants too, but im sorry thats just bloody selfish! we have 2 boys who are 5 and 2 and they both have bad asthma and have to be on steroid medication for it daily! how can he sit there and say its about him - his choice when and if he wants to quit! we have another baby due in september and i dont her/him to end up with asthma problems too! i know they could have asthma anyway but it sure as hell doesnt help does it? how is the best way to deal with this?? is it him or is it me? this has been going on now for 6 years!!

charliecat Tue 05-Jul-05 17:56:56

I hope he doesnt smoke in the same room as the boys? Or you? I am an x smoker and I know what a truely evil addiction it is, you simply cant see the wood for the trees..send him to see if he can still go on smoking after reading there.

beansprout Tue 05-Jul-05 17:57:03

I really feel for you. I couldn't stand this. His smoking also increases the risk of SIDS too - have you tried telling him that?

AnotherHelen Tue 05-Jul-05 18:06:55

Yeah i have told him, i have to say in his defense he doesnt smoke in the house! he goes to the front door or outside, but i have learned that the toxic smoking chemicals stay on your breath for a couple of hours after your last cigarette!!

charliecat Tue 05-Jul-05 18:09:20

yep and the stench too, my kids said the other night the one thing they want from thier boyfriend when they are grown up is that he wont smoke. Said it all really.

AnotherHelen Tue 05-Jul-05 18:13:10

I agree charliecat!! i always said the same! unfortunatley i didnt realise he was a smoker straight away! (dopey of me i know! )

AnotherHelen Tue 05-Jul-05 18:15:48

im really at my wits-end with him!

charliecat Tue 05-Jul-05 18:18:48

Theres nothing you can do really, I have now reached really low dp said to me..go stick that bag somewhere and as he was going out the door for a fag I said Yep...while you go kill yourself with that.
Its the only thing I can think that might work. Hes not stupid, he knows what its doing, but most of his work and friends are smokers and so they sort of encourage it IYKWIM but i managed to stop and if I can he can.
He neeeds to try.... has he read Allen Carr?

charliecat Tue 05-Jul-05 18:21:53

Junkie, burn-out, addict, drug abuser,

drunk, alcoholic, smoke-a-holic


Some people would argue that smoke-a-holic is just a cute euphemism which should not be compared to what they consider degrading syndromes. Contrary to this belief, nicotine addiction can be equally as strong and deadly as any of these other conditions. In fact, if you total the number of people who die yearly of all these other conditions combined, they would not add up to the number of premature deaths attributed to cigarette smoking.

Until recent times, the idea of nicotine being a physiologically addictive substance was controversial in the world-wide medical community. For a drug to be considered addictive, it must meet certain criteria. First, it must be capable of inducing physical withdrawal upon cessation. Nicotine abstinence syndrome is a well documented, established fact.

Second, tolerance to the drug usually develops. Increasingly larger doses become necessary to achieve the same desired effects. Smokers experience this phenomenon as their cigarette consumption gradually increases from what probably was sporadic occasional use to a required daily consumption of one or more packs.

The third criterion is that an addictive substance becomes a totally consuming necessity to its user, usually resulting in what is considered by a society as anti-social behavior. Many have argued that cigarette smoking fails to fulfill this requirement. True, most smokers do not resort to deviant behaviors to maintain their dependency, but this is because most smokers do manage to easily obtain the full complement of cigarettes they need to satisfy the addiction. When smokers are deprived of easy accessibility to cigarettes, the situation is totally different.

During World War II, in concentration camps in Germany, prisoners were not given enough food to fulfill minimum caloric nutritional requirements. They were literally starving to death. A common practice among smoking prisoners was to trade away their scarce supplies of life sustaining food for cigarettes. Even today, in underdeveloped countries, such as Bangladesh, parents with starving children barter away essential food for cigarettes. This is not normal behavior.

During the "stop smoking clinics" I conduct, numerous participants admit to going through ashtrays, garbage cans and, if necessary, gutters looking for butts which may still have a salvageable value of a few puffs when their own supplies are depleted due to carelessness or unforeseen circumstances. To them, it is sick to think that they ever performed such a grotesque act, but many realize that if they were currently smoking and again caught in a similar predicament, they would be fully capable of repeating the repulsive incident.

Nicotine is a drug. It is addictive. And if you let it, it can be a killer. Consider this when you get the urge for a cigarette. One puff can and most often will reinforce the addiction. Don't take that chance. Remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

charliecat Tue 05-Jul-05 18:23:07

Its not just him, read the bit about starving people swopping food for fags

AnotherHelen Tue 05-Jul-05 18:24:40

I too stopped smoking when i found out i found out i was pregnant with my first 5 and a half years ago and i have to say i didnt find it very difficult at all, but i have no doubt that i was lucky and it is very very tough for some people, i just think six years and he lasted most of a year a while ago - whats he playing at! most of the lads he works with smoke too and have regular 'fag breaks' so he said he felt kind of out of it all so got into the habbit of going out for the breaks with them and then it inevitably turned into having fags with them again! No he hasnt read about allen carr???? who's that? xxx

AnotherHelen Tue 05-Jul-05 20:11:21

Wow you dont realise just how bonkers people can go over these damn fags can you? poor people starving themselves further just for a soddin' fag! god i think i have more work cut out for me thatn i thought! xxxx

charliecat Tue 05-Jul-05 20:16:54

allen carrs a dude whos wrote books all about the addcition of smoking, you would probably bve able to pick it up from the library. Your lucky to have been able to give up easily, I have never done anything so hard, honestly.

AnotherHelen Wed 06-Jul-05 12:13:20

Really? sorry charliecat, i hope you dont think i was being insensitive about it! i know many people who have quit over the years and i know most of them really battled! its just that i have seen him give up so many times and really struggle, he turns into a crazed snappy psycho and goes through all these hard times to get to 2,3,4+weeks and then he gets over the worst and i catch him having a fag at work or outside when his friends are here! aaarrrrrggghhh i swear i could just slap him one! why try soo hard and get so far and then go back! i wish i knew what he was doing, no wonder he finds it hard! im finding it very difficult to respect him right now, i have supported him so many times when he is trying to quit, he is a nightmare (has even physically lashed out at me at times) and then its all for nothing! sorry i know im ranting just feel like im banging my head against a wall constantly!

Listmaker Wed 06-Jul-05 12:31:56

The trouble is Helen that he's got to want to quit for HIMSELF! My parents both smoked all through my childhood (in the house all the time - normal in those days!) and I'm fine. My mum gave up in 1981 and then spent 20 years huffing and puffing about my dad's smoking (always in the room with her etc so understandable). He carried on even when diagnosed with prostate cancer and advised by the dr to stop. Then 3 years ago he stopped, just out of the blue - no idea why! My mum thinks he can do no wrong now!!

It must be annoying. My bf hadn't smoked for 20 years, took it up again when he was going through the breakdown of his marriage but had stopped again but turned to them again in Feb when his mother died and is still at it. Not many - maybe 3 or 4 a day but it's still annoying because at that level he should be able to give up relatively easily.

I used to smoke a bit too as a student/early twenties and again a few years ago to lose weight. But I always found it easy enough to stop so it wasn't too bad.

Good luck Helen. Maybe you have to let it go, live with it and wait for him to make his own decision to stop for good??

AnotherHelen Wed 06-Jul-05 16:00:34

Yeah, thanks listmaker! i know you are right really! i know when it all comes down to it it HAS to be his final decision - no matter how much i dislike it! he only smokes about 10 a day at at most and always has done so i guess thats part of why i think it should be a little easier for him to quit! he has a very stress-free job, very little to concern him in life infact i think if he had any less hassle he would just sleep his way through life! sorry ranting again! Its an age old problem between couples i know and i just have to accept it for what it is! - something i have no control over so i should get over it! thanks for the help though - i needed some input!

Windermere Wed 06-Jul-05 16:21:27

I have never really liked being around people that smoke, but when I was pregnant it got so bad that just standing near someone who had smoked a cigarette that day made me vomit. I also had this really wierd thing where I had this heightened sense of smell but only for smokers, I could smell everything that smokers had eaten, their body odur, shower gel and even if they had a recently had a poo which was really gross! If you dh will not give up just tell him that you can smell all his bodily secretions, it might humilate him into giving up!

AnotherHelen Thu 07-Jul-05 13:22:49

Ewww! poor you windermere! it might work though i will have to try it on dp! i do hate the smell of his fags at the minute! - more than usual!

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