Please please could you ask your DH/DP what would they think/do if you kept on wetting themselves? Would they still treat you the same/love you ?????

[mymatemarmite]

Really would like some input on this as at the mo feeling very blue about it all!

[mymatemarmite]

Not them wetting themselves but you wetting yourself due to bladder problems!

[rosybud]

what's happening with you marmite?
sounds like a distressing prob.
tell us a bit more so we can try and offer some pearls of wisdom!

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

'Probably, it would not be your fault.'
at 'probably'.

[CloudAtlas]

Oh course he still loves you, you poor thing. Don't be so hard on yourself. For better and for worse and all that, would you still love him if he had the same problem? You're still you!!! xxx

[brimfull]

yes he said of course he would it's an illness and he would try and help me through it.

in sickness and in health

sorry you're going through this marmite,it must be so distressing.

have you discussed your anxiety about how he feels with him?

[sibble]

not the sort of thing you shout from the rooftops about but I have the same problem although not too bad and not all the time. dh still loves me (even though I had to change my trousers when we had friends for dinner the other week with a lame, gosh I must have sat on something excuse, they must have thought I was barking as I'd been standing cooking the whole time they were there). What is the extent of your problem? tbh I make myself go to the toilet at least 2 hourly and know where they all are when out shopping (luckily I have a 3 year old as an excuse for frequent trips).

[mymatemarmite]

Its a long long story . DH does not do (well to be honest anything but well health)!

Will not discuss what is happening to me at the mo! why? not sure apart from that he has a very suspicious mind and I mean a very suspicious mind! After over 15 yrs of marriage you would have thought that he knew me by now - obviously not! He has totally switched off from the whole thing, tried to talk to him tonight about how the tests went today, all he was interested was that I hadn't cooked him any tea!....... The fact I didn't feel like any tea he didn't even think about!.

Have a friend who has had to have several operations on the base of her skull as her brain can slip down etc and give her massive big time severe headaches - in DH eyes my friend put them on! Cant believe I have married to an unsympathetic GIT!

[mymatemarmite]

I can still wet myself even if I go to the loo 2hrly, some days I am fine other days I can wet myself up to 8 times! If I drink alcohol then I wet myself constantly. Tried to talk to DH tonight, thought he listened - who knows, he never commented, apart from why hadn't I put any dinner on for us! (didn't get home until 6pm from the tests and felt pretty violated!) Thought perhaps we could have had a TA, he ob had different ideas and I was made out to be the bad wife.

[dd666]

he wont love you any less, i thought the same last weekend when i was in bed with dp
we were anyway i wet myself a bit and went off all upset to the toilet and he was really reassuring that he knew it was an accident and my pelvic floor not to good since having dd.
i hadnt told him that recently if i sneeze even after just going to toilet im wetting

[mymatemarmite]

LOL I dont leak when I sneeze anymore since I had an op in June. It has just left me with a crap bladder that I am trying to live with at the mo, and DH doesn't seem to cope with it at all, especially when it happens at night!

[handlemecarefully]

Oh God, sorry marmite....he sounds like an insensitive jerk. I know it is not my place to insult your husband but I'm cross on your behalf

[mymatemarmite]

Pity he does not see it!

I am sure I would see it diff if it was him and not me, all he says to me is that you are drinking too much (and that is not the alcohol type either)

[mymatemarmite]

Maybe I shouldn't change my name so frequently! But it does help at times - honest!

[mymatemarmite]

Still feeling rather blue, have thought about this a lot today, part of me just wants to stick my fingers up at him and walk off from him/marriage etc. Which would be a shame after over 15 yrs of marriage!

I agree with Ggirl with what she said about in sickness and in health, unfortunately in DHs eyes ill health does not exist in his eyes.(literally)- if DC are vomiting then he does respond to sympathy, so far that is the only thing he has ever shown compassion to!

So cheesed off at mo! Have to wait 2 wks to see what is going to happen next, 2 bloody long weeks!

[Dropdeadfred]

when you say he doesn;t discuss it, what does he do then?

[mymatemarmite]

totally switches off! I talked to him last night about the tests I had yesterday, he sat and listened, (I think!) But only commented on that I should trust the Nurse Specialist and should have thought of the reason why she didn't ring me when the medical secretary rang to tell me I had a UTI(when I actually didn't have an infection just E Coli present in my urine) Other than that didn't say anything!

[Dropdeadfred]

sorry, was he stating that the Nurse knew best?
If you cry about this what is his reaction?

[mymatemarmite]

Doesn't react. Even when I wet every 20 mins, all he does is accuse me of drinking too much (non alcoholic) although I do like my tea (I drink de caf) and have explained that if I don't drink then that will cause other problems, he just doesn't understand!

[Dropdeadfred]

Oh, it sounds so horrible...I really feel for you. Is it possible that he could go with you to your next appt? You could ask him, in fact demand that, he asks all the questions that he thinks he knows the answers to and gets the truth from the doctor.

[Hekate]

I asked my husband and he said...

The short answer to that is yes. I would still love you. To elaborate, when we said "in sickness and in health" what did we have in mind? Did either of us think that meant a cold? It means everything, including you being totally paralysed and me having to take you to the toilet.

When I think about this, I also need to turn it around. How would I feel if the boot was on the other foot? You were ill? How would I feel for your love for me to be conditional?

If you can't love your wife unconditionally and support them in sickness and in health, you should never have married them in the first place.

Is basically what he said, but I couldn't keep up with the typing word for word!

[mymatemarmite]

Nurse Specialist has talked to him, he agreed with what she said and then when I came home from hosp it was like he had never had the conversation. It is almost as if he doesn't acknowledge it then its not happening!

[mymatemarmite]

When I married him over 15 yrs ago, ob this was not an issue, this has only come about since June after a routine operation on my pelvic floor! He used to be the most sympathetic person I had ever known. When I look at the picture in a wider scale, he is an unbeliever - I have a friend who has recently (in the last year) been diagnosised with MS - In DHs mind it is all in my friends mind!!!!!! (poor girl can barely walk somedays as her balance is so bad!)

Another friend of mine gets severe headaches and I mean severe!!!!!!! Has had an operation on the very top of her spine/neck as her brain gets squeezed into the hole - again DH thinks she makes it up! God I hate him sometimes!

[Heated]

Some men are like this.

My FIL (who suffers from ill health) can't deal with MIL being ill, gets uptight, naggy, critical whilst my Dad's wife had cancer/major operations this summer & he was superficially jolly but wouldn't actually have a meaningful conversation.