Have you 'reclaimed' any of your former 'life' (before kids) as they grow up?

[Legacy]

Our kids are 8 and 5. With the little one at school I feel they are now a little 'less dependent'.
I was thinking on holiday how much of my 'old life' I miss, and wondering if it's realistic/ possible to 'reclaim' any of it, and if so, how?

E.g.
I have given up all my hobbies (playing an instrument, singing, going to the gym, running etc)

I work 4 days a week part time, and then seem to spend all the rest of the time doing housework/ chores/ school admin etc.

While we were away I got quite depressed just thinking how I had nothing to look forward to, and how there must be more to life than just work and housework/ childcare.

I feel I need to carve out a part of my life 'for me' again, but I'm not sure how to do it. If I just suddenly announce to DH that "on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings I'll be out" I don't think he'll take it too well. Part of the problem is that he doesn't have many out of the home hobbies.

Have you ever 'overhauled' your lifestyle to reclaim 'me time'?

[maureenmlove]

I did, last year. DH has always gone out on a Friday night. Not for hours, just between about 6 - 8, and if I ever wanted to go out on a Friday, he obviously won't go. I'm not fussed about going out at all tbh, but last year a friend suggested we did something, just one evening a week. We chose salsa dancing! Now, us 2 and 4 other friends have Wednesday night as 'our' night and its great! Its only a couple of hours out of the house, but it really gives me a boost! Twice a year, there's a big salsa party night too, which gives us something else to look forward to.

[Legacy]

Yes - I think having a definite same day every week would work best.

[majorstress]

It hasn't gone well for me, but maybe you could find a regular babysitter, then DH can do whatever he wants-stay in or take up his own interest.

The other idea I've seen is to go to a gym or centre that has things for kids, so they can do a class at the same time as you, after school.

I got depressed myself and tried to break out of the cycle, so I announced I was out every Tuesday to a class, had endless trouble with DH saying he would be in in time but not, then tried babysitters over his objections- hard to get in my area, I gradually gave up and now only do "home" stuff again, though more what I am interested in.

Meanwhile DH increased working hours (since I had a babysitter sometimes) and now goes out 3x or more a week himself, with a new interest in HIS hobbies. Making it even harder for me to go out, I have to work around his unpredictable plans and need for our only car.

I think speaking for myself I need to find things I want to do, not just the time I can do something and then just be stuck with whatever's available at that time.

[maureenmlove]

BTW, I think regaining my 'former life' is probably not the best way to look at it! I think when you have kids, you have to accept that, that part of your life is over and move onto something new. When I was 18, life was good and I wouldn't have drempt of salsa dancing, but now at nearly 40, I wouldn't dream of doing what I did when I was 18 iykwim!