Anyone have experience of general anxiety disorder?

[Chattycat78]

Because I think I have it.

Background is 4 months ago, 2.5 year old DS had a serious accident abroad. He stepped onto a low wall and I couldn't get him off in time before he fell off the other side. It was a 10 foot plus drop. No signs of anything to suggest danger. Spent 4 days in Spanish hospital. He fractured his skull and had a seizure. It was terrifying and awful.

Since then, i"m a mess. My guilt that it was my fault Consumes me. I also worry constantly about everything- including him but also everything else. Every problem becomes the worst case scenario, I literally go from zero to one hundred and I feel exhausted by my worrying. Some days I swap one worry for another, but there is always one.

I'm also not sure how I can live with the knowledge of what I've done to him. I mean, how I can come to terms with it. I felt like an unfit parent who has failed completely in their duty.

I'm on a list for counselling- have been for 3 months, but no news yet.

I'm wondering what I can do until I can speak to someone to get this under control?

I should probably also say that I'm currently looking after 2 under 3 most days. I barely get to the toilet, never mind finding the headspace to deal with this.

[unhingedtoday]

First off, this was in no way your fault. It was an accident, pure and simple.
It horrendous but these things unfortunately happen.
You have to try and get into a position where you believe in yourself again. The guilt you are feeling isn’t helping anyone, especially not you!
Your thinking is now catastrophic (unsurprisingly) and you need to try and turn it around.
I have had mental health issues since I lost my father when I was 10, but can remember being a worrier even as a younger child.
The best thing I have found so far is The Thrive Programme. It’s a book that you work through, you can do it with a Thrive consultant but that does cost quite a bit of money!
Please try and be easier on yourself, you are obviously a very good mummy and you need to believe that. X

[MrsMarigold]

I'm sorry to hear what happened to your DS, it wasn't your fault. My DC do hazardous things all the time. My mother has an anxiety disorder and it was very tricky, I'm ultra-considerate because I never wanted to upset her and cause anxiety. As a result of her disorder (and bulimia) she developed a stomach ulcer and almost died. Go back to your GP maybe ask if they can prescribe something until you can get to see the counsellor.

In recent years, I've become very anxious too, outwardly everyone describes me as chilled out, but inside I feel constantly uneasy and I lie awake most of the night, have low energy, I also know I'm getting an ulcer just like my mother. Although I don't have her fatalistic outlook, I have other issue. Good luck.