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Gah. Just had a conversation with a medical profession re my DS who called me "Mum" all the way through.

(22 Posts)
FastidiaBlueberry Tue 20-Nov-12 15:33:27

WTF is it with this patronising shit?

Are they trained to patronise mothers of their child patients?

Literally, about 7 times in a 3 minute conversation she called me Mum. At first I thought she was calling me Mam, as in Ma'am, which I thought oddly formal, but then I realised she was calling me Mum.

No one else calls me Mum except my children. My kids's teachers don't call me Mum, my kids' music tutors don't call me Mum, random or professional people who are talking to me about my DC's don't call me mum - only ever health professionals.

Why? WTF is their motivation? Don't they realise that it comes across as a patronising put-down? Or do they and that's their intention?

And do they call fathers of child-patients Dad? And if so why?

What does it all mean?

TheSkiingGardener Tue 20-Nov-12 15:39:48

It means they think its nice and cosy and friendly.

Whereas actually it's bloody MENTAL and annoying!

SouthernComforts Tue 20-Nov-12 15:40:29

YANBU!! (even though you didn't ask that)

My DDs ex consultant used to do that too.

'so mum..' 'what we are going to do mum..'

Arghhhh just glance down for a second and read my name off her notes ffs!

BeerTricksPott3r Tue 20-Nov-12 15:41:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babesdontlie Tue 20-Nov-12 15:43:45

My sister (who is 60 ) recently went to see a consultant and took her adult daughter with her.
The consultant proceeded to address everythng to the daughter as if my sister had some sort of faculty impairment.. 'now, what we're going to do with your mum is...' 'mum will need to be in hospital....'

My sister said she felt like saying 'hellooooo, you can tell me directly, my daughter is only here as she drove me'!

SouthernComforts Tue 20-Nov-12 15:46:46

I don't mind on the wards/SCBU because the staff have a million things more important to worry about than memorizing every parents name, but in a one-to-one consultation, when you have spent many hours before with the Dr, then it's rude and patronising.

I don't mind walking in and they say 'are you x's mum?' I say yes, I'm Southern.

It takes 5 seconds!

sleepyhead Tue 20-Nov-12 15:49:48

Yes, they call fathers "dad" as in "so will mum or dad be accompanying minisleepy today?".

I guess it's meant to be less formal than calling you Mrs/Ms/Mr X and saves them remembering 3 names for each patient, but I'm not particularly keen on it either.

It's clearly The Law, because they mostly all do it, even the people you've met a gazillion times.

DilysPrice Tue 20-Nov-12 16:00:43

I don't mind it; they're busy and I am there in my capacity as Mum - they presumably wouldn't be offended if I called them "Doctor" or "Nurse".

The doctor who talked to adult child rather than compos mentis parent OTOH was massively out of order.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 20-Nov-12 16:27:47

>My sister said she felt like saying 'hellooooo, you can tell me directly, my daughter is only here as she drove me'!

She jolly well should have said it. And possibly 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Tue 20-Nov-12 16:29:58

I agree. I wouldn't mind in a hospital ward type situation so much. But it's bloody rude in a GP consultant- look on the notes or ask. Takes two seconds.

FastidiaBlueberry Tue 20-Nov-12 17:44:57

But why just medical professionals?

Why don't teachers call me Mum?

Am trying to think what teachers call me actually and er, the answer is nothing.

I think they avoid calling you anything in case you have a different surname from your child.

Also I can understand them calling you Mum when your child is present, because they're referencing what they presume your child calls you; like when you say to a kid "go and ask Daddy". But I was on the phone to this person who kept calling me Mum, so DS wasn't there to benefit from the reference.

I think it was that that struck me so much; it felt so rude and almost aggressive that she kept calling me Mum. In fact, it felt like she'd had a bet with her colleagues to see how many times she could fit Mum into the conversation. grin

Fulhamup Tue 20-Nov-12 17:49:15

It's really irritating and patronising. Just tell this medical professional without fanfare that you would prefer to be addressed as Mrs/Ms/Miss Bloggs or your first name. It's driven me mad in the past too.

whyohwhydowebother Tue 20-Nov-12 17:58:32

In an average 10 hour period I meet between 20 and 30 children, to be honest, you're lucky if I can remember the kid's name once I leave the room, learning the parent's names too would have my brains leaking out my ears..

Also, I don't think the mother of the girl who I treated for a life threatening emergency at 5 o'clock this morning minded too much that I didn't have a clue what her name was.

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Tue 20-Nov-12 18:10:30

But people aren't talking about life threatening emergencies. And they aren't talking about learning the name. They are talking about a GP either (i) phrasing things so you don't need to you a name (a pronoun for example) or (ii) looking at the computer screen and getting the name.

TheSkiingGardener Tue 20-Nov-12 18:59:40

You're right whyohwhy. In an emergency you can call me "highfalutin bendybanana" if you like and I will not give a crap. However, when it's used to try and cosy up things in a conversation that just doesn't need it, it's very annoying.

RillaBlythe Tue 20-Nov-12 19:07:11

Teachers call me 'DD's mum'.

FastidiaBlueberry Tue 20-Nov-12 19:07:41

So why don't teachers call me mum?

Because it's not a life-threatening situation?

Because most of the time when dealing with medical professionals, I'm also not in a life-threatening situation.

Why Mum?

Why not Mummy? Or Mama?

Actually, the three times I was in life threatening situations I was asked what I would like to be called each time by the medical professionals treating me.

So it can't be the life-threatening thing.

It's definitely a Health Professional thing though isn't it? I can't think of another profession which calls me Mum. It is so peculiar

FastidiaBlueberry Tue 20-Nov-12 19:11:18

Actually yes that's true Rilla, my DS had a cheery teacher who called me JuniorBlueberryMum.

That's fine in my book. Some of the DC's friends call me that as well and it's OK.

It's far less patronising than Mum

expatinscotland Tue 20-Nov-12 19:11:20

I posted ad nauseum about this when DD1 had cancer.

I learned to say, 'Excuse me for interrupting, but I'm not your mother. Please don't call me that. My name is . . . '

And yes, they call fathers 'Dad'.

It's lazy and unprofessional.

You don't have to learn their names, either, it's not like you're going to become lifelong mates and invite each other to dinner.

'Are you Mum?' 'Well, no, I'm not your mother.'

expatinscotland Tue 20-Nov-12 19:13:58

The way they teach juniors to do this, too. Fecking lazy and unprofessional.

'What does Mum think?' said one of these kids. 'I don't know, why don't you ring her now and find out?' (felt like saying, 'While you're at it, ask her where your manners went.')

'Mum?' 'I prefer MILF, thanks much.'

lisad123 Tue 20-Nov-12 19:15:54

The manager of dd2 breakfast club does this and it drives me insane!! I wouldn't mind but when I ring I say "it's lisad123, Js mum" but then she carries on angry

ReindeerBollocks Tue 20-Nov-12 19:17:35

Our doctors and nurses call me by my first name (and I use their first names too ).

We only do this because we are in there regularly.

I'd much prefer to rarely be in hospital and get called mum.

If its a consultant you've known for a while just tell them you would prefer if they used your name. No problems.

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