Just having a bit of a moan

[OddBoots]

I found out a few years ago that I have spina bifida and a tethered spinal cord, I'd struggled from childhood with walking and continence but no-one worked out the cause until my GP ordered an MRI for what she thought might be a slipped disc.

By that stage I'd got to the point where I could hardly walk so just over 2 years ago I had neurosurgery to try to release my cord. I'd count the surgery as successful as it got me back on my feet but it was very painful and I ended up with a spinal fluid leak and meningitis meaning I spent 7 weeks in hospital with a lumbar drain. It is not something I want to repeat but I have been warned there is a high chance I will need further surgeries and each one is likely to be less successful.

My moan now is that over the past couple of months I have felt that I am deteriorating again, the sensation in my left leg is almost all gone apart from a continual burning pain and I am noticing that I'm injuring it without realising. I'm also stumbling more and at dd's sports day a few weeks ago (they do it in Sept at her school) I realised I can no longer stay upright for more than a few minutes without something to hold onto.

I don't want to go through that surgery again, I don't want my dh, my children, my family and friends to have to go through me having surgery again. I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening but that's becoming harder and harder.

I know there are people here and elsewhere going through much worse but I needed to have a moan away from those who love me.

[LineRunner]

Your friends and family who love you will be there for you. They'll want you to get the treatment you need and deserve.

You've been brave. You are brave. Keep going.

[OddBoots]

Thank you for your reply. :)

I don't feel brave, I feel grumpy! Still, I do feel better for having a whinge and some sleep.