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totallydevoted Fri 17-Jun-11 13:46:53

I'm not good at asking for help or admitting there's something wrong but I can't go on feeling like this anymore. Everyday I just keep thinking that the only way any of this unhappyness will end is when I am dead. 1. I hate my job, is is a source of great stress to me and I want to do something else (have felt like this for 3 or 4 years) but other half says I can't quit as can't afford it etc which is true but I am so exhausted all the time I don't have the drive to look for an atlernative and very low self esteem is a barrier as well. 2. We are in debt, about 8k, but don't seem to make any headway in paying it off. We never go out anywhere, I never by myself anything, I'm always looking at ways to reduce spend etc, the other half has finally realised we need to pay off debt but it seems that evry time he opens his mouth it includes as plan that involves spending more money. I work but just over half my wage goes on childcare (I have 3 children, one attends a nursery and the other 2 before/after school clubs). I can't put anymoney aside for their futures or my old age (I'm 44 and my youngest is 18months) I don't undrstand how my life has become such a mess. I love my kids but I feel so hopeless. There is nothing to look forward to but struggle. Doctor put me on prosac 11 days ago, after about 5 days I started to feel a little improved, a sort of blanketed feeling, but that went after a couple of days and I'm back at the same point. Maybe it will start to kick in properly in a few days. Doctor also gave me 2 weeks off work. Back to work next tue. I've done nothing with the time. Barely been out of the house. I don't want to talf to family on phone, friend or neighbour. I can't see any way out.

tstar Fri 17-Jun-11 13:59:05

I hear you, I'm not sure what kind of advise to give you but, I hear you!Some of the thing's you mention sound very farmilliar.
Depression is a bugga, which I have delt with and continue to monitor, although I can see a light at the end of the long hard tunnel, please know you will too come out of this.
Life can be so hard, keep up with your doctor visits especially if nothing changes.
Your not alown and I hope you find a community of help here on mumsnet. All the best xx

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