Starting out and your story.

[KLHL777]

Hi! My husband and I have been discussing fostering and adoption for some time now. We've put it off due to pregnancies and house moves, but we now think the timing is pretty good. We've been to a few trust-run (we live in NI) information nights for both fostering and adoption and are still very keen. We are considering the age range of about 18 months - 5 years old, as that's what we feel will fit best with our kids (aged 9, 3 and nearly 2). As our trust likes there to be a 2 year age gap between our youngest biological child and any adopted children we are leaning more towards fostering. I know it's hard work and very time consuming, but will be leaving my part time job to give more time to it. We were also thinking more long term or possibly foster to adopt or something with permenance, although we aren't dead against short term. We are happy with sibling groups too. A social worker advised us to think about concurrent care, but it really deals with babies aged 0-2 and my husband isn't super keen to have a very young baby in the house again.

I just really wanted people's experiences really. How you decided whether to go for fostering or adoption, how you decided on what type of fostering to go for and any advice would be very much appreciated.

Thanks

[BellaCat123]

Fostering and adoption are very different things.

Adoption is a way for people to add to their families. Foster care is a profession that is based in your own home.

There are more adopters than children requiring adoption so that is something to consider.

Foster caring is nothing like having your own child. There is daily recording, training, meetings with social workers and other professionals and contact with family to consider.

The process to become a foster carer or an adopter is quite long and intrusive. They will want to speak to your children to explore their feelings.

One thing to consider is that the majority of fostered and adopted children are going to have additional emotional / behavioural needs. This can cause issues with your own children when they have had a very different start in life.

I am not trying to put you off at all but these are some things to think about.

Foster caring is the best thing I have ever done but I would be lying if I said it isn’t intense!

[KLHL777]

Thanks for your response Bella. We have a social worker coming out to visit us. She has suggested younger kids because of the ages of our own children, as we expected, but said maybe up to 3 or so. And also explore the foster to adopt route, which would be great.

I think we just want any kids we get attached to to stand a good chance of staying with us.

Still a bit torn between the fostering and the adoption. As you say there are less children in the adoption system, especially as my kids are young and so they would want to place a very young child with us, but then it's permanent which is hugely appealing. Fostering has more children available, but I'm a bit scared of getting so attached and then saying goodbye.

We are keen on fostering or adopting because we love kids and we want to help. We feel like we've been blessed with a lot and we could use it to bless others. We also want that big family busy-ness.

So many people and courses talk about the behaviour and emotional issues. I'm trying to get as well-read up on it all as possible, but i suppose no amount of reading and talking to people will ever compare to the real thing. Are there any good books or websites that you could recommend?

We are very much going into it with an open mind.