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Struggling with the thought of my little one leaving us.

(4 Posts)
Summerwood1 Wed 08-Jan-14 21:56:23

We have fostered a little girl for almost a year now,it did look she was going up for adoption but then they did DNA tests and found out it was a different dad who was the farther! She had never met him,but now he knows she is his,he has put him self forward as a carer for her.We are de sated as we wanted to adopt her ourselves. She is so settled and happy and calls us Mummy and daddy,it's going to be heart breaking for all of us,I know they have to consider birth family,they are starting a parent assessment. We have been foster carers fo 13 years,but this little girl is going to totally break my heart when she leaves. I understand in my head that she will be going,but my heart won't believe it! I just love and adore her so much,she makes me laugh everyday,although have to say that she is also a handful (she's two) . It makes me feel sick when social workers ring to discuss what's happening. It was thought that dad would not be able to care for her as the first report social worker did on dad said that he wasn't able to protect her. The judge said too many gaps in the report,so another report was done on dad by an i dependant social worker,this time it came back as positive! Before this we had looked into adopting her and had the gaurdians's blessing to do so.I guess at that point we thought she was going to be ours. Now I just feel so sad all the time and wish I could change things,but I can't.

Panadbois Fri 10-Jan-14 15:35:13

I had hoped someone else would come along and chat with you, so at least I'm bumping for you.

Our LO is leaving at the end of the month after 21 months. It's going to be awful for us. But, we signed up to be FC and never ever did it pass our minds to adopt. Even though we love her to bits. It was never on the agenda. That at least is helping me a teeny bit.

Sorry I can't offer you any more advice x

Lovethem123 Thu 23-Jan-14 23:52:10

It is so difficult. We had a child leave us over a year ago, she was with us for 18 months and meant so much to us. Looking back I wish we were given the opportunity to adopt she struggled when she left.
We are now in the same boat as you with another much loved baby, her relatives are being reassessed and we were hoping that we would be considered to adopt.
I really do wish you all the best and hope she manages to stay with you.

scarlet5tyger Fri 24-Jan-14 14:57:05

I think the biggest thing about fostering is that you never know which children are going to "get" to you like this - even after 13 years you can get surprises like this.

Is this the first very young child you have moved on? If so I would ask for extra support from your SSW or other carers of young babies. It will be difficult for you but you absolutely must show the child you support the move (even if deep down you don't) because there's no way she will settle if she doesn't feel she has your permission to move on.

I could trot out the same old platitudes I always do in this situation about how her life is so much improved by everything you've done, but at the end of the day you just have to steel yourself, get through each day and cry when she can't see. (I'm not heartless really, even if this post reads a bit like that! I've moved on many babies and young children and understand every bit of the pain, but this is one of the times when you have to put your own feelings aside.)

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