Coping strategy - Emotional delay

[kiddiwinkles]

Hi,
Any one able to give any ideas on how to lessen this? Sorry this sounds really negative, but now need help!!!

i have a 5 yr old LO, initially presents happy and sings easily, but very vocal, back chatting, arguing, critical of all and sundry.

She is emotionally around 2, ( as confirmed by Family finding team)due to previous experiences and has now started to behave like a 2 year old, tempers on not getting what she wants, biting, scratching, pinching.

She asks questions, but will not listen to the answer, puts fingers in her ears, or hums under her breath! (she does this at school as well!)

she has been with us 7 weeks, I am the 3rd FC carer in 1.5 years, previously passed between BM and Grandmother,

No matter how much you ignore, change subject, try to divert attention, she just shouts you down.

Educationally, she is not meeting targets, can chant numbers and letters, but has problems in identifying them, But can colour better than me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a BC of 7 as well, who is suffering as result of this.

She bounces from 1 temper to another, and has been in this difficult place this since last week.

I really feel I want to treat her as a 2 year old, and nurture her, but will this cause more harm than good.

Any ideas will be gratefully received.

Kiddiwinkles

[higherhill]

I haven,t any experience but saw a documentary not so long ago where the children who were being fostered had missed out on so much and suffered horribly. The foster parents had to start by treating them as though they were much younger than they were. so if she has the emotional age of a 2 year old then you might just have to go with that and let her go back before she can go forwards.

[LaurieBlueBell]

No it wont hurt it's exactly what you need to do.

She has missed some developmental stages. You need to take her back to her back to the 2/3 stage and go from there.

Sounds like you are very aware of her needs.

[musickeepsmesane]

Sounds very challenging. I have done this with foster children and they love it. The chance to play with younger toys, finger painting, singing etc. Not rough and tumble tho'. No need to do it all the time. Plan it, time how long she can have fun without kicking off and stick to that. I remember being really happy after 2 years of doing this when I realised that myself and my FC had had fun for a full 30 mins! Quite often neglected children haven't had the opportunity to roll around as babies, it may be worth getting professional help with this (occupational health) also, look on the BAAF website they have courses on how to play like this (play therapy) I went on one and it was fun and informative.

[fasparent]

Been around the block a bit 37 years, New start is she long term?, will try you out for some time will like too make her stamp, must be patient , and talk
when you can, ask what she likes suggest would she like Rainbow's , Brownie's, take too places she can run about be her own person, play park's,
centres, places and things she may not have experienced before also the 7 year old will be included so both will have something in common , Enjoyment.
You will find she will reviel bits of information usefull too you as time go's by. She will also at this stage feel confused will not understand why she is with you, important that she has if possable familier Toys , Clothing etc around her
from previouse placement if possable.
We had a young 4 year old who was perfect tidy, clean too the extreme. made her bed, folded her clothes. Asked why by others said if she was untidy thought she would be sent away again. no way !! now have a messy
too tidy room. but normal.
Use the home include her in Girly things, doing hair, make up , dressing up,
making meal's , cup cake making etc , include 7 yr old too. do not impose this on her but by suggestion , let her think it's her idea . All children are different
and react in their own way too change. as are all family's, which will feel strange too her.

[fasparent]

Sorry forgot too say should have a short term Careplan inconjunction with s school IEP focused on early years stratergy's at this stage will help promote her self esteeme and will help focus on any unforseen underlying problems and help prevent secondary problems later on , both are a simple prosess,
understanding her and promoting her well being and self esteeme should be the priority in the 1st instence , good luck

[kiddiwinkles]

Thank you for all your replies, Lo is on Bridging to adoption, expect 6-12 months, LO does not seem to have any favourite 'anythings', not interested in pretty things, dolls,dressing up, dancing. cars, trains, riding bikes. have tried to interest her, ( she rips every thing, or will through it way. She will not walk, even from car to park, without complaining,

I have her name down for Rainbows, but waiting list of 3 months,

I have taken her to Zoo, park, soft play, (she used to go to one, 6 days a week previously) to feed the ducks, nothing holds attention for more than 10 mins, apart from soft play, where she pushes, bites, scratches, shouts and generally makes everyone upset!.

Have tried her out with dancing (7 yr old loves this)as she insisted she wanted to go, she just stands in the middle of room, pushing and trying to trip others up! to the point teacher has requested she not come unless she can take part. LO then comes out screaming at me that it is my fault, I made her go! She then shouts at me when I suggest if she does not like it she does not need to go!

She will not leave 7 yr old alone, picking at her hair, clothes, corrects what she says, and echos her when she speaks, even in Park, eventually 7yr old, gets really fed up and runs away or goes and climbs as high as possible, to get away.

Lo is not the most dexterous in running , climbing, so 7 yrs old knows how to get some quiet time.

We have introduced all the usual measures, Cuddley blanket, Sucky bottles, crunchy foods, monologue speech about keeping her safe. As suggested by Family finding team, but these are rejected within few minutes.

I understand she is scared that she wants to belong, but can not let herself, she wants all 7 yrs old has, Love, Security etc, but can not allow herself accept it.

she is used to getting own way and being the boss, but I can not allow this to happen.

Kiddiwinkles

[fasparent]

Think you have tried most things thought you would have expected some improvement over past several weeks. Has she had LAC Paediatric review assesment, or LAC Disabilty review , Think CAHMS LAC Referal should be in place if she is a possable pre Adoption Child or otherwise. Sounds as there may be overlapping problems . We have a child being placed Adoption in a few weeks . Has possable FASD were able too start early years interventions 18 months ago seems too have worked is fine now ( though may
show sighns as she grows older ) hopfull this will help prevent secondary problems later. SS have been great as have her new family.

[musickeepsmesane]

Your last sentence is correct. You sound as if you instictively know what you are doing. Trust yourself, be in charge, do what you feel is right. I have to contradict you fasparent there will be no improvement over a couple of weeks. This takes months and months of reassurance and consistency. kiddiewinkles all you can do is your best.

[fasparent]

Agree with all that is said, all children are different, LAC Services are available
far better too use these and professional services in the interest of the child.,
Many Many LAC Children have unseen problems. Better too use serivices sooner than later. alongside all the care love and effection we as foster can provide.