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Fostering

Applying to Foster, will my history block me?

9 replies

IndigoForever · 14/01/2012 22:59

Hi
I'm mid-thirties single mum with a 5yr old. I'm just about to complete a BA hons degree in Early Primary Education and then I'll be a Newly Qualified Teacher. I'd really like to foster and eventually take up a career in this field, perhaps tutoring or working with multi-agencies to help children to have brighter futures.

However, I suffered domestic violence then harassment from my childs father whom I split with before she was born. She does not know him, he does not have parental rights nor rights to contact. I havent heard from him for over a year and he no longer lives in the UK. Due to these problems my child was on the 'at risk' register through social services - although the reports stated that she was at no risk from me.

Will this mean I will not be able to foster?
Does anyone have any advice?

Thank you

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bonnieslilsister · 15/01/2012 16:59

I would think they would be understanding and see it was him not you that was the problem. It would only be a problem if they thought you didn't keep her safe enough. From what you said they should be mad to turn you away. Life experience is invaluable in my eyes but the best person to hear from on here, I think, is NanaNina. Best of luck x

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bonnieslilsister · 15/01/2012 17:00

No offence to anyone else but NN is a retired soc worker x

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IndigoForever · 15/01/2012 19:36

Thank you. I have been considering fostering for a few years now and finally decided to investigate properly. I've sent enquiries to all the local independents I can find as well as the county. I'm just waiting for them all to come back.

I've been reading on here about people being heartbroken when a child leaves. I think I will be ok with that, I can prepare myself. But how do you broach it with your own LO. I have talked about the idea of looking after children who couldn't be with their parent for a while. I wouldn't consider fostering if I didn't think she would cope with it. She very sweetly thought about it for a moment and then said "ermmm. I think I could fit three in my bedroom". Do you think it is damaging for the LO could she develop abandonment issues or not bond with people for fear they will leave?

All I can think of is that I would keep impressing that it was just a long visit and not forever and that we should enjoy them while they are with us and keep the memories for when they move on.

Maybe I'm over thinking, I haven't even applied yet but I do have to consider my LOs feelings before I make a decision

Ramble over.... Thanks

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SquidgyBrain · 16/01/2012 12:50

I have 3 young(ish) DC's of my own - now aged 9, 7, and 5 our youngest was 3 when we first were approved.

We have been very honest with the children from the start and have told them that none of the children that ever come to stay with us, will ever stay forever, they will all leave. We have always told them that they are our forever children, and they will never go away from our care.

To be honest they just accept it, we had one little boy for 30 weeks from 11months old, and the kids were very fond of him, and were happy enough when he left, this current placement in now heading well towards the 6 month mark and he was only 4 weeks old when he came, he is now looking like going home is becoming a very close reality, so have started speaking about him going home, and the first thing that the 3 kids said was "that is great news" my youngest did say after about 5 minutes that it is a little bit sad too as we won't see him but its mainly good news as he will be back with his own Mummy.

My own DC's have to come first, at anytime if they ask us to stop, we will - probably not mid placement (unless there is a major reason to do so) but they also only have one child hood and I don't want their's to be messed up by us being a family that foster.

Good luck with it - let us know how you get on :)

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mumtosome · 16/01/2012 21:12

Squidgy, you are a very wise lady :) ( Still waiting BTW)

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SquidgyBrain · 17/01/2012 22:18

(sorry for the derail)

Mumtosome - some one has to think that ;)

Hoping your wait isn't much longer!

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IndigoForever · 17/01/2012 22:54

Squidgy, thank you. I hoped that that would be the case. I think we have a long way to go to being excepted (I havent even started the process yet) but I'll keep discussing with my LO so that she knows her feelings are really important.

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SquidgyBrain · 17/01/2012 23:13

Indigo - every child will react differently but it sounds like your DD is excited about the prospect and I think that is half the battle.

At the end of the day you know your DD and you will know if she is dealing with the process to become a foster family, my biggest advice would be to just let her be herself, don't try and get her to behave or worry about how she is when the social workers are there, they will be much more encouraged by a child that is acting like a typical 5 year old and then being parented/disciplined/praised than a child who is spotless and sitting on the sofa like an angel (unless of course your DD is naturally like that)

We started the process with the attitude that we would simply be ourselves and that really is the best advice I could give you

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IndigoForever · 18/01/2012 12:10

Hi Squidgy
As a trainee teacher with an early years specialism my house is chocca block with toys, books, puzzles and creative tools which my dd accesses freely. There is no hope of expecting anything less than herself and sitting quietly and politely will not be it :)

so it looks like my history will be ok, my DD will be ok.... I now just need to prove I will be financially stable then I can apply.

Thank you for your kind words.