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Pregnant but can't have the baby and scared of abortion. Please help.

(18 Posts)
Fuscus Wed 09-Dec-15 18:12:48

I'm in my late 30s, have 1 DC (11). I'm 8 weeks pg.

DP doesn't want it but said he'll support me.

DP was made redundant and is looking for work so money is tight. I just started a new job in a new profession. I won't be entitled to maternity pay (other than SMP). I don't know how we'd manage. DP has 4 children. So there's 7 of us. We couldn't fit another in the car.

My DC randomly mentioned having a baby sibling in the house & how DC actually likes being an only child.

I don't think I can have this baby but I don't want to terminate. I couldn't do adoption. I don't know what to do & my head is a mess.

Please be kind.

LibrariesgaveusP0wer Wed 09-Dec-15 18:17:25

What jumps out at me is that your whole post is about the opinions of other people and practical difficulties.

What do you feel about the pregnancy?

LibrariesgaveusP0wer Wed 09-Dec-15 18:18:44

I would also add that adoption is rarely viable in this situation. I'd focus on the decision whether to continue or not.

Good luck. I've been there and it is tough.

expatinscotland Wed 09-Dec-15 18:27:17

Is it possible to see your GP and ask for some counselling?

CountTessa Wed 09-Dec-15 18:29:36

Ask your doctor! Explain you're not sure about any of the options. Hopefully they will be able to refer you onto a specialist service where you can talk about your fears, concerns and hopes. Hopefully this will help you to decide what best suits your family. Good luck whatever your decision is.

Fuscus Wed 09-Dec-15 18:47:00

Have had initial consultation at abortion place so know my options. Was horrible. Had scan to check dates so have seen pictures of my baby. Don't want to involve GP (GP good friends with my close family. I know there are confidentiality rules but I don't trust them).

Fuscus Wed 09-Dec-15 18:47:57

It was abortion clinic who mentioned adoption. I don't know if it's a real possibility but it's not something I could do.

Fuscus Wed 09-Dec-15 18:49:18

I really don't know how I feel. I'm so tired and confused. Bad morning sickness which makes me angry because if I had a baby to look forward to, it'd make it bearable.

LibrariesgaveusP0wer Wed 09-Dec-15 18:51:19

You are talking about it as 'my baby'. Is that a sign of how you feel deep down?

I agree that you probably need some real life help, but talking on here helped me masses. Keep talking if it helps.

Fuscus Wed 09-Dec-15 18:53:35

Well, it is my baby. I want it to be but I don't see how it's manageable. I have a lovely 11 yr old who I can go on holiday and to the theatre with. I can work just about and pay the bills.

Jw35 Wed 09-Dec-15 18:57:39

Keep the baby. I had my 2nd when my only child was 11, it's the best thing I've ever done. You will manage its just hard. It's worth it x

LibrariesgaveusP0wer Wed 09-Dec-15 18:58:38

What I will say, from what I was told, is that those who cope best mentally with termination are those that decide they don't want a baby (even if they have feelings of sadness about that). Those who decide they can't have a baby are more likely to need ongoing support. So do make sure you try and access that support if that's where you end up.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 09-Dec-15 19:16:21

It sounds like you want to keep it so start from that point of view - how can you make that viable? If you try everything and can't find a way then go back to termination as plan Z.

Fuscus Wed 09-Dec-15 19:22:06

I think what I want is to be happy about this, I want DP to be happy too but it's so daunting.

I'm happy with my DC, unhappy with my job, I think (although that may be because it's new - it's a field I've wanted to get into for a long time), DP & I are rocky but we've been through a lot. We don't have space to all live together. I don't get housing benefit and can't afford the mortgage. I don't want to be a single parent. I don't know. That's all practical problems.

I'd make it work because I'd have to. I raised DC by myself and could do it again. But it was hard & I always said I'd never choose that.

Abortion place said they wouldn't do it if I sounded the way I did on the phone when I booked it.

Fuscus Thu 10-Dec-15 16:49:24

I've been mulling this over today and am going try to sit down with dp later and talk things over properly. He's refused to discuss it with me because he doesn't want to upset me and refuses to believe that he can't make me feel any worse than I already do.

LibrariesgaveusP0wer Thu 10-Dec-15 17:46:46

That is a good idea.

Remember that you can't make him be happy. What you can do is decide how you will proceed even if he isn't.

It can be really hard. My DH was amazing and wanted to support what I chose, but that can make it feel like it's all on your shoulders.

Fuscus Fri 11-Dec-15 10:28:12

He'll support me but he doesn't want a baby. I don't know what to do.

Oddly, 11yr old had a dream on Monday about me having a baby. They said they liked being an only child and didn't want that to change. Obviously I've not said anything. Then, last night DC cried at bedtime saying they were worried something bad was going to happen to me.
I'm so confused. sad

FairyFluffbum Sat 12-Dec-15 14:45:33

Oh bless you. I really don't know what to say. Didn't want to read and run though.

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