When to ask for help with TTC

[chalky3]

Hi everyone, haven't been on Mumsnet for a while in a (failed) effort to distract myself from TTC. Though this topic seems to be mostly concerning contraception I thought my query might come under the banner of 'family planning' as well as conception. Any advice appreciated!

DH and I have been TTC since July last year. We had one success in May this year which we only knew about when I started miscarrying. What followed was the worst few weeks of my life (the miscarriage wasn't diagnosed properly for four weeks and the bleeding lasted six. Also, I was diagnosed with skin cancer around the same time which, thankfully, has been effectively treated) .
We put this terrible time behind us and started again. Although my periods returned to normal straight away and we are having regular sex, we have not yet had any success. We are trying to stay upbeat about it all but it's very hard not to wonder why.

According to all the medical websites you should see your GP if you have been TTC for more than a year or have had three or more miscarriages. I don't know whether that means they won't do anything to help us until a year has passed since the miscarriage or they will start investigations now as it has been well over a year since we first started TTC.

I don't think I can face being brushed off by a doctor again (had enough of that at the EPU) so I was wondering if anyone can help us with this.

[CrazyPlateLady]

I would go to your GP. They do say about a year but then you did get pregnant so they may be more reluctant. I don't know. It took me well over a year before I did and thats only because I has a 'discharge' of some old blood that seemed a bit odd and they found I had a slight hormone inbalance so the investigations went on from there.

They do say the average time to conceive can be 8 months to a year and unfortunately MC are fairly common, something like 1 in 4 pregnancies.

I don't see any harm to speaking to your GP about it. Once you speak to them and see what they say, it may relax you/put your mind at rest and nature may take its course.

A friend of mine was desperate to conceive her 2nd child recently and as she got pregnant straight away with her first, she expected it to be the same this time but it took her 9 months. She went on holiday and chilled a bit more (not saying you need to chill but she really did) and then she got pregnant.

It does seem to be a horrible thing that the people who want it badly seem to take longer (I took 3 years with DS and they found I had endometriosis and DH had problems too so we were told IVF was our only option. 3 weeks before it was due to start, I found out I was already pregnant. This time I came off the pill earlier than planned as my doc said it would probably take a while again, got pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex!)

Good luck!

[chalky3]

Thank you for your reply. From your experiences and your friend's, it seems the secret of successful baby making really is a mystery! I've no doubt stress does have an effect so I've stopped doing as much extra stuff at work and have been trying to spend more time with friends.
I had a long and emotional talk with DH a couple of days ago, I don't think he realised how hard I've been finding it all. He has a good attitude to it and says it will happen eventually but it isn't everything life is about and we should enjoy ourselves rather than worrying. We're going on holiday in January (maybe that will help me chill out a bit!) and have agreed to see the GP when we return if nothing has happened by then.

[CrazyPlateLady]

Thats good. At least you have sat and talked about it. My DH had that attitude, "oh it will happen" I can't say it helped me feel better tbh.

It is strange how stress and worrying about it make it not happen. Good luck and keep us updated!!