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Committed children; setting them up to fail?

(20 Posts)
KatyMac Tue 13-Nov-12 21:48:14

With committed children is there is a line between encouraging them to take risks and setting them up to fail.

Do you let them go for opportunities which are out of their risk - just for the experience or do you keep them safe and say no to the 'advanced stuff'?

Acepuppets Tue 13-Nov-12 21:52:12

What are committed children? With my son I encourage him to take supervised and assessed risks so he is taking a risk but I am not.

picturesinthefirelight Tue 13-Nov-12 21:56:48

I wouldn't allow dd to go for something clearly beyond her capability. However she has been for auditions we thought she was unlikely to get for the experience however we were sure in our own minds that she could deal with it

One time she actually got the part!

bitsofmeworkjustfine Tue 13-Nov-12 21:59:37

funny enough it was parents evening tonight and they told me they had moved DD down a set in maths.
she finds the maths in this set really really easy, but she lacks the confidence to ask for help in the higher group.

what do you do? do i insist that they put her back up, and run the risk of her disengaging with the tricky stuff or leave her in the lower set and risk her being bored?

KatyMac Tue 13-Nov-12 22:10:26

Committed children I guess are those doing 'hobbies' so intensively they become like vocations

Athletes/sportspeople, Artists, Cooks and Dancers re some of the more 'usual' versions

Yes, auditions for the experience are the sort of thing I am thinking about

KatyMac Wed 14-Nov-12 11:57:59

Well she has a place n the workshop - all I can do is worry now

picturesinthefirelight Wed 14-Nov-12 12:29:35

Is this nymt?

KatyMac Wed 14-Nov-12 14:31:09

I PM'd you - but no it's just a Ballet thing

KatyMac Wed 14-Nov-12 20:35:17

I guess I'm probably stressing unnecessarily; but I do worry abut this

Having confidence in your child vs being realistic about their chances

It's so hard

picturesinthefirelight Wed 14-Nov-12 21:09:51

I Know exactly what you mean.

ivykaty44 Wed 14-Nov-12 21:13:49

can you think about as them reaching their own full potential, it isn't always about their chances

KatyMac Wed 14-Nov-12 21:38:42

But they here 'audition' and if they don't get pick see 'failure' wen in fact it was the workshop that was important and the 'audition' element was never for them

KatyMac Thu 15-Nov-12 07:37:55

Whoops I meant hear not here blush

KatyMac Sat 17-Nov-12 08:12:36

Today is the day; I need to keep reminding myself that the workshop in itself is the experience & if anything comes of it well, whatever grin

ivykaty44 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:38:03

It is all an experiance and puts them into different situations that will stand them in good steed for life out there, also the going to an event, meeting new people all great skills to aquire

KatyMac Sun 18-Nov-12 09:18:00

She had an amazing time!

A few weeks until we find out; but actually it could be very hard for her to do it

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 09:26:50

I think I know what you mean. Our son trialled for Surrey Cricket and wasn't selected. We knew he was borderline; he knew he was borderline. It wasn't an issue. Doesn't stop him being a fantastic club player.

We know two boys who may end up playing professional rugby. They are superb and both have scholarships to very sporty sixth forms for their sporting ability. They may become professional rugby players. They will never find out if they don't try and give it their all.

I think it's about the balance between realistic and unrealistic expectations and whatever those expectations are, giving one's child the chance to enjoy and develop a specialised activity that may be something they remain involved in or interested in for the rest of their lives.

As long as they value the taking part they will succeed; to take part to be the star and only the star will make them unhappy.

KatyMac Sun 18-Nov-12 09:44:36

marriedinwhite; that is more the way I hoped the thread would go

About managing expectations & your last paragraph is very apt

Colleger Sun 18-Nov-12 19:17:06

I've always stuck my son in things that may be above him but so far he's always got in so I need to start finding things that are really very far above his level. I think it's important to get some knock backs and the earlier the better so they realise what the longterm competition is and how to handle rejection.

Depending on the field of interest I think it's also to get one's face seen. It shows longterm dedication and even if they don't get the part the panel may remember them for a future unrelated event.

KatyMac Sun 18-Nov-12 21:45:42

That's a good point about getting your face seen

& in all but one of DD's classes she is younger, working upwards

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