I have severe hyperemesis, I've been admitted to hospital multiple times and the medication doesn't work longer than a few days.
I have a 2.5 year old dd who I've barely seen for 8 weeks, I can barely look after her, I can't make her food (or barely even get ready made food that my dp has made out of the fridge). I miss her so much and she's suffering.
My dp had depression and anxiety issues and he's really struggling to cope, like really struggling, he's doing everything.. and on top of that he some how needs to work. He's self employed so no work = no money, we're absolutely broke now because of the hyperemesis. We have no car, we need to move (no room for even a moses basket upstairs because our house is so tiny).
So, with every reason we decided to have a termination. The problem is I keep picturing my dd scan pictures at the same age and it's weighing really heavily on me. I have to have a scan tomorrow at the clinic and I know I won't see it but I already know what it looks like at 12 weeks (11 now, 12 at termination)... I'm not even sure what i'm asking, any one else been through this? What happened? TIA. (Please, please don't bash me, I couldn't take it right now)
Ethical dilemmas
Abortion at 12 weeks?
Hgmother · 21/02/2017 10:39
Sorry no experience or advice but didn't want to read and run.
No one has any right to judge you. You are in a heartbreaking position where there isn't an option that isn't awful and you just have to get through it in whatever way you can.
Im sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot. If the treatment for hyperemesis is not working then your going to struggle through most of your pregnancy. Do you have any support. Is your dh getting help for the depression?
I had an abortion at aged 17. I was a total wreck afterwards. Especially as I felt I had no choice (boyfriend was the biggest fucking coward ever, going to uni, didnt want to upset his mum etc). It was at 9 weeks. I no longer struggle with it now because looking back I know it was the right choice.
If you are 100% certain this is what you want then do whats best for you and your family. There is no shame in terminating.
It might help you to accept this if you are certain you've gone through every treatment option first. Has your consultant discussed these? Ondansetron. Steroids. Rehydration at home on a drip. (Probabaly others too - those are what ultimately worked for my friend.)
Did you get HG first time round and if so, how long did it last?
for you.
for you op x was this baby planned?
Please don't feel guilty. You have a child already,and she needs you. It's not anyone's fault that you are so ill and things are so bad right now. While the pregnancy will pass,but at what cost financially and mentally, you still won't have enough room or money for another baby. And that's ok.
If it helps,even at 12 weeks,it's still not a fully formed baby,it could not survive outside the womb,even with the most outstanding care and equipment.
It's an absolutely awful situation and i really feel for you. Hugs x
No experience but don't feel bad if you choose for the termination. Loads of people have miscarriages at this stage. I know a termination is a choice but how much choice do you have if your family is suffering because of this?
I wish you strength.
OP I was in your shoes about 15 years ago. I made the decision to terminate for the sake of my family and to preserve my own fragile state of mind. I was 15 weeks gone. I always knew it was the right thing to do but I still felt sad and that's OK. It really is OK.
HG is awful, it takes you to some really dark places and I really sympathise.
I see that this isn't your only consideration but presumably you had worked through the other issues somewhat as you say the baby was planned?
Your OP reads as though this baby is wanted and would be loved by you all. The potential for a life of pain and regret looks huge to me. Please consider every other option you have in terms of medication and help. Could your DH claim carer's allowance temporarily to see you through?
As a PP has said this is final and permanent while your circumstances, however awful (and I do believe you - you sound so desperate) will change. Your DD will not be neglected and won't remember this, honestly.
An abortion is such a huge, huge thing. The done thing these days is to say it's just a choice that you can make and move on from but I disagree. I say that without any judgement on you OP and I wish you the very best .
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