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Friends husband convicted for downloading indecent images of children

(8 Posts)
metallicpoo Wed 01-Jul-15 00:29:10

Hi,

I could really do with some impartial advice of this one. A few years ago a friend contacted me to say her husband had been convicted of downloading indecent images of children. She and her kids were staying with him and she hoped we could still be friends.
My first thought was how awful that he could do that. How terrible for her and the kids to take the inevitable backlash that followed. I tried, I met her once but I found it really difficult, I refused to take my kids to her house and I wouldn't meet her if he was around. Eventually I just felt i couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't understand why she would stay.
Anyway we lost contact and although I felt guilty I couldn't man up and be a better friend eventually I felt ok with my decision.

Fast forward 2 years, and last week my OH and I met the man at the supermarket. We had a very brief chat and thought nothing more of it. Today a letter arrived from my former friend saying how she had obviously got the situation all wrong if I could be normal with him in public then maybe we could all be friends again. Perhaps I had had issues at the time that had prevented me staying in contact!!!

In actual fact that part is kinda true. Since i last saw her my life has changed a lot. I am just recovering from a protracted period of depression and also struggling with an underactive thyroid. I just don't feel I am resilient enough to deal with all the drama that this would entail. If I'm honest I just don't want to go there but I feel I owe her a reply.

What I am asking in a very long winded way is should I reply, i don't even know what to reply.

Anyone have any suggestions about how they would deal with this??

MrsJacksonAvery Wed 01-Jul-15 00:39:14

I would ignore. How would she even know you lived in the same house? Nothing good could come of you replying.

SilverBirchWithout Wed 01-Jul-15 01:02:37

You've been through a tough time personally and don't need this worry in your life. Either ignore or send a brief reply hoping she is keeping well, but you are not in good place to rekindle the friendship, without sounding to mysterious.

unicornonthecob Sun 05-Jul-15 02:05:17

Dear god she is in denial. Stay away!

IamtheDevilsAvocado Mon 27-Jul-15 05:13:31

What silver birch says... Brief reply nothing more... It really doesn't sound you want or need her in your life.

It sounds very much that she's minimising her husband's offending-not uncommon where the partner has stayed with the offender.

WizardOfToss Tue 18-Aug-15 09:36:20

There's no dilemma here, sweetheart. You made the right decision back then and nothing's changed now, except you're even less able to deal with it.

Ignore I'm afraid.

Weebirdie Tue 18-Aug-15 09:42:46

Yes, just ignore. By staying with her husband she's condoning what he did and you dont need them in your life.

I hope your health improves soon. flowers

Duckstar Tue 18-Aug-15 09:43:29

Ignore. If you wrote a letter back trying to explain situation she'll recontact. Ultimately, you don't want to be friends with her she does. There is no middle ground. You aren't going to get "closure" from replying. Bin the letter. Focus on you and your family.

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