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Anyone successfully improved a bad relationship with a colleague?

(6 Posts)
Bramshott Mon 14-Sep-09 22:01:20

Not sure if that's how to phrase it!

The long and short of it is that I work as a freelancer for a small family-run business, and the daughter of the family just always seems to rub me up the wrong way!

I want to keep the job, and clearly being family, she is not about to leave, so I think I need to "reprogramme" my relationship with her, or my reactions to her rather tetchy and dissaproving comments.

Anyone successfully managed to do this? Any tips?

alypaly Tue 15-Sep-09 00:54:22

I would actually broach the issue with her discreetly and ask her not to speak to you in that manner. I had to do a similar thing with my boss who spoke to me in the most appauling manner and in the end i could take no more. I asked him to go into another room ,away from my work colleagues and i just let rip...I said." dont speak to me in that manner again,i have done nothing wrong and i dont deserve to be a victim of you anger and moodiness, told him it was like treading on eggshells all the time"
He did eventually apologise,but i had the last laugh. i was told i couldnt have a summer holiday or a half term holiday ( despite having a child at school) The reason he gave was because another memeber of staff was off at the time i had asked for. The other member of staff was not a dispenser so our jobs did not overlap.I had the last laugh though cos i resigned when he was a few staff down due to hols and illness. He who laughs last laughs ......ho ho LOLQ!!!!

Bramshott Wed 16-Sep-09 10:46:30

Thanks Alypaly. Unfortunately I don't think broaching it with her is an issue - there's not really anything specific she's doing "wrong", it's just her personality - she panics a lot, and wants everything to be perfect. The bit that I can control (or hope I can) is how I react to that, which is what I am trying to change . . .

Roomfor2 Wed 16-Sep-09 10:52:26

Think you need to get to know her a bit better so you can find some common ground and learn how to respond to her in ways that will bridge the gap between you better.

I would go out for a drink with her or something if you can, so you can learn more about her personality than you normally see at work. You might find that in a social situation, she is totally different and you can relate more to her other sides.

Also, it might be that she panics because she is threatened by you and your ability to do your job perhaps better than her?? So if you show another side to your personality and get to know her socially, it might break down any barriers there as well.

gallery Wed 16-Sep-09 11:07:59

Have you done any personality typing courses- or how can you influence people.
Have a look on web for myers brigg, see if you can work out where you are and where the other person is. There are all sorts of tips like, how to speak, what language to use, what data to present. There is no easy answer to this. First you need to learn more about how you present yourself to the other person and then how could you best present yourself.
For example, if she is a control person and needs perfection, your approach must be very factual (no chat hi how are you, just professional, data driven). I really suggest you do some web searching. I can't recommend any books as most of stuff I have done is company training courses. Of all the personality typing, I found myers brigg most helpful in understanding my impact and how I come across. It does not mean I get it right, it just helps me work better with people though I still make mistakes in approach

Bramshott Wed 16-Sep-09 14:31:23

Thanks Gallery and Roomfor2 - those are both useful ideas. I will try to find time to check out the Myers Briggs stuff.

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