Working more hours than I have childcare for - am I the only one?

[FimbleHobbs]

Sorry this is a bit of a woe is me post - really just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and has any tips for coping?

I am meant to work 37.5 hours a week, I have two children who are in nursery for 20 hours a week (2 x 10 hour days) and my ILs look after them one day a week.

The rest of the time, if my husband is off work, I go to work, but if my husband is working (v irregular shifts) then I just don't go to work. I catch up from home in the evenings, or I work from home at the same time as looking after the children.

All in all I am not doing a good job of any of it; being a parent, being an employee, and as for keeping the house running, clean clothes, food in the cupboards etc, its a nightmare.

My husband is great when he is around but its feast or famine - some weeks its like being a single parent, then some weeks we are under each others feet.

If you have got to the end of this, well done! And sorry again for whinging. But please someone give me some coping tips before I crack...

(NB financially we are v stretched so its not an option to cut my hours or for DH to change his job)

[mascaraohara]

I work FT, I'm about to lose all of my childcare.. unsure how it'll work out.

Do your work mind you working so flexibly?

[plug]

How old are your children? Just wondering whether a nanny might be a more cost effective and helpful childcare option for you? Do you have any room for an au pair? They could cover those irregular times for you and could also keep the housework/cleaning/laundry under control for not much more money?

[FimbleHobbs]

Work don't mind me working so flexibly, 'as long as the work gets done' which is a help on one hand but actually makes it hard to say no to anything, as it looks as though I am not in the office much, even though I work a lot, iyswim. My boss is v. much against people clocking in and out, recording their hours etc, his attitude is that if you are salaried you do whatever hours it takes (ie usually more than 37.5!!). I have a fair amount of v early starts/late finishes/overnight stays, a couple of days a month on average. So I think they are fair to me, but I am fair back if that makes sense.

Children are 4 and 2, so the eldest is starting school in September anyway (cue me flinging all current arrangements up in the air...)

The nursery they are at is totally wonderful, we just can't afford for them to go on more days. If we had a nanny I'd prob get fed up with the extra cleaning and tidying, plus with DH working shifts its better for the children to be out where they can be noisy rather than being quiet coz Daddy's on nights...

No room for an au pair unfortunately as we rent out spare room out to foreign students, to raise a bit of cash.

But thank you for the ideas

[Idranktheeasterspirits]

How about organising the working from home bit so that it is a regular thing and reduces your shortfall in childcare?

You could make working from home one day a week for example a permanent arrangement. That way you are not stressed about whether or not your husband is there to cover the shortfall.
It will get much easier in Spetember i expect and then a short while after that your youngest would be starting nursery for a couple of days a week if you wished so you could work that into your childcare arrangements as well.

[trixymalixy]

It doesn't sound very sustainable. What happens if you get a new boss who is not so flexible?

I really don't know what to suggest that will help except getting a cleaner, a nanny or an au pair, but sounds like these aren't options.

[plug]

Blimey

What are you going to do with your 4 year old when they start school? Can your ILs be drafted in to help a little more, especially on days when you're working? Can the foreign student have a slight reduction in rent in return for some housework/laundry? Could you afford for the DCs to go to a childminder one more day a week?

[Bramshott]

Not quite as bad, but I am a bit similar - I work 20-25 hours a week on 18 hours childcare. I try to think of it as being thrifty! The only way I can make it work is by being very strict and having a plan so I can pack as much into the time when I don't have the kids as possible, and then save fairly repetitive tasks for the evenings when I have no brain! I am telling myself this is only until next year when DD2 will go to pre-school and I'll have a bit more time.

[FimbleHobbs]

I do have a regular arrangement that I do not go into the office on Fridays - I am contactable by mobile - but thats about it - though some weeks I have to swap this to cover for other days.

I am hoping that in September my youngest can go to nursery for a couple more days (she'll get some funding from Jan 2010) so I am working 5 short days then catching up once they are in bed. (Or working long/normal days if my DH is around)

I dread the idea of a new boss! But this one seems happy to stay here until retirement, I think, which is 5-10 years away.

ILs still work, so can't help much more - MIL cut her hours by one day a week so that she can have the children (although I hasten to add, it was her choice entirely)

Foreign students tend to be lads from UAE who have not the slightest clue about housework and laundry, as they generally have a servant at home who does that. How the other half live!!

Sorry for not taking up any of the suggestions - I really hoped there was a miracle solution someone else had thought of.

[titchy]

I had this for a while,although I work(ed) part time. I hate to say it but I found the absolute worst period was when one was at school and the other hadn't started yet.

One was at day care nursery two days a week, localplaygroup three mornings a week, one of which he went to a childminder afterwards. I'd be sat in meetings thinking what day is it? Do I need to pick dc2 up? Where are they bothh today? Isi it a playggroup or nursery day? It was horrible!

What are you going to do when school starts? I have to say I'm envious of your flexibility though. Now mine are both at school life does become a lot easier and I'd kill to be able to work like you do!

All I can say ATM is chill about the house stuff. Also chill about being a good parent. Ann OK parent is absolutely fine. They will not even remember this period of their life in a few years. As long as they are happy, warm, fed, loved and secure that's all you need worry about. As for being a good employee - if you weren't surely your boss would've told you by now? Can you schedule in an hour a week, maybe Sunday evening, where you look at what work you've done that week, what could've been better and priorities for the following week. At least you'll have the work stuff clear in your head.

[plug]

What about contacting local childminders to see if any of them would be happy to have your DCs on an "as and when" basis (vacancies permitting)?

Are there any responsible teenagers locally who would be happy to have a couple of hours work after school to entertain your children? (I did this when I was going to college and it worked really well) They might even be keen to do some housework? (sorry if I'm sounding obsessed by your housework, I just think it would make a big difference to your state of mind to get some of it done by someone else )

Will keep thinking...

[FimbleHobbs]

Thanks all. Titchy that is really true about being an ok parent, and yes I guess my boss would have said something by now.
Bramshott I do need to be more strict with myself, I prob waste far too much time on the internet which doesn't help...
And plug, I will have a think re the teenagers, that would be a help. You are right to be obsessed by the housework, I wish someone was!!

[MissSunny]

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