I don’t want to return to my job next week

[Lovemusic33]

Don’t want to be too outing so will keep it simple.

I have been off work during lockdown due to having kids home and no child care (single parent, disabled dc’s). I’m technically self employed but doing work for one client, my client told me she would pay me whilst off work as long as I return, I have been paid full so more than I would have got from furlough (self employed scheme). Before lockdown I was struggling with my job and considering a change of career.

I don’t work full time as I am carer to dc2.

The reason I wanted out of this job was because my client phones me at stupid times, often at the weekend and during the evening, she’s even called me whilst I have been on holiday demanding me to return her calls. She expects me to be available when ever she needs me and expects me to prioritise work over my family and my own free time.

Today I conformed I will be returning to work next week, she’s had all day to reply to my email about my return but I have Hearn nothing until this evening when she has tried to video call me several times, she hasn’t replied to my email, she hasn’t called my phone but expects me to be available for a video chat whilst cooking dinner and trying to sort kids out. This has just conformed why I don’t want to continue working for her (as well as many other issues I can not go into).

I feel I am now trapped as she has been paying me for the last 5 months whilst I haven’t been able to work but the thought of going back to how things were are filling me with dread.

I have planned to go back for a month or two and then hand my notice in but I’m not sure I can even cope with doing that.

[Thack]

Set some boundaries. They might be paying you, but you are the business so can set your opening times! Be direct - you can be available in an emergency but otherwise will not take calls at set times. Could you charge extra for out of hours calls?

Give them a little time to adjust (set this limit with yourself now) and if there's no improvement then you can pull the plug guilt free.

[Fatted]

Perhaps it's time to start fresh with some ground rules with her. Do not be available to her outside of your core hours, say 9-5. Have a separate phone and email account for work so you can ignore them when you are not working. I appreciate this may mean changing your phone number and email address for personal stuff if this woman already has your personal details. If she gets uppity, politely tell her you will not be available outside of core hours and repeat. If she does not like it, she can look elsewhere.

[Lovemusic33]

@Thack

Set some boundaries. They might be paying you, but you are the business so can set your opening times! Be direct - you can be available in an emergency but otherwise will not take calls at set times. Could you charge extra for out of hours calls?

Give them a little time to adjust (set this limit with yourself now) and if there's no improvement then you can pull the plug guilt free.

I have tried this many times and she throws her toys out the pram and makes me feel guilty for not being available during a ‘crisis’ (her idea of a crisis is much different than mine). I’m not sure why she only wants to video call me, I have told her before not to as I’m often busy with the dc in the evening or I’m relaxing in my pj’s so not really in the position to video chat. I have ignored her calls and will message her tomorrow during normal work hours. She can easily email me instead. She has lost many other workers due to this, people just don’t put up with it.

Wish I could give more details but it would put me, she’s not paying my wages herself someone else is (think NHS, government) but I feel like she’s blackmailing me so I have to return.

[Rockchick1984]

If its bad enough that you are considering leaving, then you need to tell her this. If she's not happy for you to only be available on your terms, then she can find someone else. The worst that can happen is that she asks you to quit!

[PersonaNonGarter]

Just keep responding in the way you want to work . So answer audio only and stonewall all the pressure.

[HermioneWeasley]

She’s paid you for 5 months and you haven’t been working for her, have I understood that right?

[Lovemusic33]

@HermioneWeasley

She’s paid you for 5 months and you haven’t been working for her, have I understood that right?

Yes, but technically it’s not her money (sorry I can’t explain, don’t want to out myself on here). So she’s not personally paying me, someone else is, sorry if it’s confusing. I don’t know where I would stand if I don’t return but I suspect I wouldn’t have to repay the money. I don’t have any contract with her so technically can leave when ever I like.

[fuzzymoon]

You need to set out clear rules. Even get a cheap phone that is her contact for you and block her on your other phone. Then switch the phone off when not working.
Just ignore calls etc until you do this.

When you do see her when you're working and she has a wobbly just stand there silently until she's finished then carry on like it's not happened and do your job. Be consistent and don't give in.

[Whenwillthisbeover]

Do you work for an “agency” of some kind but on a self employed basis and the “agency” paid you When you were off but she is just the manager, and a piss poor one at that?

[Whenwillthisbeover]

Or are you a carer, she pays you via some benefit she receives from the government?

But as her carer, she expects you to be on 24/7 availability?

[Lovemusic33]

@Whenwillthisbeover

Or are you a carer, she pays you via some benefit she receives from the government?

But as her carer, she expects you to be on 24/7 availability?

Yes

[MyKingdomforaNameChange]

I worked for someone just like this! Does her name begin with "J"?

Set boundaries and stick to them. You can't be available 24/7.

[Destiny2020]

Can't imagine what your going through, it can't be nice, I worked for a manager who 'clockwatch' staff going to the toilets and monitoring their every move, I know it's not the same context, but having an overbearing manager isn't nice.

Two things to consider, the impact it is having on yourself and your child, it appears boundaries have not initially been set, hence the constant calls and demands at awkward times. If you are on a contract of some sorts, you may want to add an addendum, redefining your business availability. It's more than likely she knows exactly what she is doing however, it doesn't give her the rights or grounds to, unless your availability has been defined as 24hrs on call.

I'm not associate, so cannot vouch for them, however, I was doing some research for some personal stuff and came across this website they seem to offer partial advice, you may know of other websites that might be able to help.

fitforwork.org/

One thing I will leave with you is this, think about what's important to you, your wellbeing and where you see yourself a year from now. What things will you need to put in place to gradually get there.

Hope this helps, all the best.

[Neversayn1]

I think you are in the wrong OP. You are entitled to want a career break or change. You should have voiced this before you agreed to being paid though! Or expressed your concerns.

Because now it will like you have just used your client.

[Lovemusic33]

@Neversayn1

I think you are in the wrong OP. You are entitled to want a career break or change. You should have voiced this before you agreed to being paid though! Or expressed your concerns.

Because now it will like you have just used your client.

I tried to leave, I told her to find someone to cover my shifts during lockdown as I was unsure when I could return but she insisted she would continue to pay me. My job is something not many people want to do, she finds it hard to find people willing to work for her. I am going back because it would be wrong not too but how long before I can leave and not feel bad about it?

[flowery]

”I tried to leave....I told her to find someone to cover my shifts during lockdown as I was unsure when I could return”

Which is it? Did you resign and say you weren’t returning or did you say you weren’t sure “when” you could return?

You can leave any time you like. As to how long it will take until your conscience doesn’t bother you, that’s a very individual thing.

[PeaceAndHarmoneeee]

'she finds it hard to find people to work for her'

I wonder why?!

It's not acceptable that she calls you at all hours. You need clear working hours and duties. Do you have this in a contract or document?

You have options:
Set clear boundaries re your availability and working hours and stick to it.
Resign. You can do that at any time, just put it in writing to her. Don't be vague about it eg 'You need to find someone else gor these few weeks' etc. That's not helping either of you.

[Lovemusic33]

I have no contract so technically I can leave when I like (I’m self employed).

Plan is to go back for a month (2 if I can put up with it) and then leave, I will give notice even though I don’t have too and I will be straight up and say I’m leaving. I think what I’m worried about is her blowing up about the fact I have been paid furlough on condition I return, though I will technically be returning but not for very long.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

In fairness, she’s have every right to be pissed off - you’ve been paid for 5 months knowing you were planning to leave. Returning for a month or two then leaving is pretty poor.

[HaggyMaggie]

Ok she has the right to be annoyed because whilst her benefit money has paid you, it’s still her money.

You need to put on your big girl pants and tell her you work for X amount of hours and after those hours are completed you will not be available for work, chat or otherwise.

Any arrangements for the next shift are made during the previous one. Buy a cheap PAYG, non smart phone, for work, give her the new number and block her on the old one.

[Lovemusic33]

Thank you, I think I have sorted things out, I do still want to leave eventually and that has been made a little bit easier for me to do (possibly). I did my first shift back today and it went ok.

I will have to leave eventually as I will need a job with more hours/money, she does kind of know this so it won’t be a complete shock when I do leave.