What can I do about this colleague?

[Changedmyname84]

I have a male colleague who is in his mid 20s. when he gets drunk he’s really - I don’t know how to describe it - arrogant - drinks too much.

For example at a recent event (Work do) he was so drunk he couldn’t remember his behaviour - he gets arsey - someone had to ‘move’ him sat him down got him water.

At a recent work do - he was out I didn’t see him much. He has a girlfriend he’s spoken to me about. However he has also been ‘getting off’ with our Operations Director who is a married woman in her 40s

I was tipsy they were at the bar without thinking I went up to talk to them and I think I interrupted something - anyway the ops director walked off and then the male
Colleague got really weird. I was like sorry I interrupted and then I felt this pressure on my foot and he was stepping on my foot intentionally - I was like what the hell are you doing to him! He kind of put his arm around me and said sorry and I was like you were trying to hurt me! He then got a glass of water and kept bringing up to my head and tipping it - I walked away and then he came up to me a couple of times trying to tip this water on me.

I’m a grown woman a mother - I don’t take this shit so I was like ‘hey stop it...’ anyway I went to stand with other colleagues - next thing I know he’s thrown out of the bar.

I have to see him he’s in my team. I feel really like I was almost assaulted by him. It makes me feel uncomfortable to be around him now

My manager knows that he turns into a d!ck when he’s drunk as my manager (male) has had to look after him and work events.

[Changedmyname84]

Should I tell our manager? We are a small team of about 8 people. I though have been working at another site so not seen them since the event. I see my boss in a couple of weeks.

[Changedmyname84]

I feel if I’m honest - assaulted. Because I was - I stopped him stepping on my foot too hard and I walked away before he tipped water on me. I just think my interruption pi$$ed him off.

[laughinglettuce]

Yes, of course you should say.

I'd leave the Ops Director out of it. It's up to him where he sticks his tongue or anything else. Purposefully standing on your foot and trying to pour water over your head is not. He sounds like a right charmer.

Is he five years old?

Is the Ops Director having a midlife crisis?

[Changedmyname84]

From what I understand and it’s gossip Ops Director husband has cheated on her. Yeah I won’t be mentioning her!

He’s in his mid 20s. I just can’t get it out of my head. He is a total idiot when drunk - just really arsey - when he’s not drunk he’s ok - you can see he struggles to be nice.

[Changedmyname84]

Should I just say it to him directly?

[Dozer]

Report your concerns, in writing and with clear, factual info (dates, the behaviours) to his line manager and HR.

[Dozer]

Don’t wait until you see your manager.

His behaviour was gross misconduct IMO.

[Changedmyname84]

My line manager is his line manager. He won’t get sacked he’s a performer. He’s been spoken to in the past about his behaviour I’ve been told.

[Changedmyname84]

Small company - no HR! The Ops Director or the FD handle HR matters.

[PeppermintPasty]

God yes, report report report. Absolutely appalling. Hope you’re ok. Don’t let him or the company minimise it.

[Dozer]

As he has an inappropriate relationship with the Operations Director, report in writing to your line manager and copy in Ops Director’s boss.

They may not fire him, their choice, but are opening themselves up to legal claims if he assaults or sexually harasses other employees.

[Dozer]

So that’d be the FD.

[Changedmyname84]

Ops Director reports into the CEO. Very small company. FD reports into CEO I need to look at the organisational chart - loads of HR issues.

[Changedmyname84]

I’m ok I think - it’s compounding my reasons for wanting to leave - toxic boss and now toxic colleagues

[MT2017]

I worked with someone once who was really lovely. However, she was such a nightmare when she'd had a drink or a few she was banned from drinking at work functions.

She kept to it too.

[Changedmyname84]

Yes he needs to stop drinking at work functions. I’ve been on 3 with him now and he just gets out of hand.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

I’m surprised he hasn’t had a warning by now? I worked with a guy who was summarily dismissed for brawling at the Christmas party. No warnings needed or given.

[Hellohellohi]

His behaviour sounds a bit scary to me , not acceptable at all.

[Changedmyname84]

I think he’s really one of these people who will flip one day - it’s like he has a lot of contained anger. Before I joined I believe he was told off about his drinking.

The problem being his is a performer - he’s actually relatively good at his job. We’re a small company so boss won’t want to lose him.

[Changedmyname84]

Quick update - I did speak with my manager who was actually understanding.

He said he had previous complaints - he said to me I can speak to the Ops Dir (he obvs doesn’t know about their thing) and take it as far as I want.

However I agreed I didn’t want to do that - he also said if it happens again then he will be banned from these events.

On this occasion he’s not going to speak to him but he knows it will happen again.

It’s a bit risky I suppose if my colleague knew he was on his last strike he might behave? But actually the feedback I got from my manager is that my colleague knows his behaviour is unacceptable and knows that he is already on his last chance.