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Flexible family friendly job with terrible manager or new less family friendly job?

14 replies

goteam · 31/03/2016 20:59

I work 3 days a week, mainly from home but have an unsupportive and pretty incompetent manager. I have 2 toddlers in childcare and usually do drop off and pick up. I have been offered a job which is a 1 hour commute, client facing so no home working for a fantastic organisation (a charity) I have always admired. I'm really torn. I enjoy most aspects of my current job although it's quite routine. I get 7 weeks holiday, paid domestic leave and no one is really on my back (apart from when I have to correct bosses mistakes.)

Would you keep family friendly flexible job with terrible manager? Charity job is 5k less plus factoring in commuting costs I'll be no better off working one extra day and I love having two days with my kids.

The other job would be a great move career wise with options whereas my current one is a bit dead end. There is a lack of accountability in the organisation and I have no interest in progressing. It really suits my life though. Should I stay and effectively put my career on hold for a few years for an easy life? I hate commuting by tube but I would have to with new job and would have to get kids to nursery for 8. At the moment we don't have to rush in the mornings as its round the corner from home where I work.....help! I feel trapped. It would be a no brainier if I didn't have kids :(

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VimFuego101 · 31/03/2016 21:02

What are the chances of you getting another offer like this one later on? and is your partner willing/able to help with pickups/dropoffs/sick children if needed?

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DorindaJ · 31/03/2016 21:05

Oh, a tough one. Hmm...remember your children aren't little for ever, your incompetent manager might leave. I would stay with the current job. Sometimes being happy at work is important to developing a career. Lucky you to work from home

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DorindaJ · 31/03/2016 21:06

I am not helping am I?😊

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cheminotte · 31/03/2016 21:07

How much does your terrible boss impact you on a day to day basis? I'm guessing not too much if you are wfh? I stayed in a flexible job for too long but my boss was a horrible bully who I saw almost daily.
I would not take a pay cut and an increase in stress as well. If you are seriously considering it, ask them if they can at least match your current salary.

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goteam · 31/03/2016 21:10

Partner is often away for work and has a really long commute so sickness etc usually down to me.

It is the 'perfect job' and they obviously think so too as I was kind of 'poached' but I'm just having cold feet as I'm having so little sleep due to teething children etc I feel that the higher level work and commute will grind me down. It involves direc client facing work where you have up me on the ball, a case manager type job.

I actually really admired my current organisation before working here but poor managers are everywhere, even in charities so I could end up with another one but without the perks I currently have!

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goteam · 31/03/2016 21:16

Dorinda, I know. Just reading another thread on here about child friendly work and wfh comes out top pretty much.

Cheminotte, not massively but it grates on me how incompetent she is as she started after me and a few of us have flagged up her mistakes to CEO but she was kept on. She has bullying manipulative tendencies but I wouldn't say it impacts me loads.mi could ignore it. She tends to leave me too it but I just feel she'll never develop or support me ad too busy covering her own back.

I'm more qualified than boss too which annoys me.

Doubt a charity would match salary....

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cheminotte · 31/03/2016 21:21

Well it's always worth asking. I work for a charity (and yes we have incompetent staff and bullies as well) and negotiated my salary and working hours. How many weeks leave would you have, could you work from home, if you are losing salary + flexibility + annual leave that all adds up.

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goteam · 31/03/2016 21:27

Cheminotte, that's good to know. About the flexible salary not the incompetent charity staff! Holiday at charity is standard 25 days. I know I won't be able to wfh as client facing. I love wfh. I thought I was itching to get back into an office when I first finished mat leave but that novelty soon wore off!

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cheminotte · 31/03/2016 21:34

I think you have your answer there. If you are naturally an introvert and love wfh why on earth would you give that up for a pay cut, less holiday, more stress (getting kids out for a certain time is very stressful).
Is there something you can do to stretch you intellectually a bit, rather than change jobs?

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QuiteLikely5 · 31/03/2016 21:39

I would put yourself first and change jobs. Your children won't be little forever and yes this is a sacrifice in some ways but it will open the door to better things career wise in the future

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goteam · 31/03/2016 21:46

I do a few other things outside of work such as volunteering but the new job kind of incorporates that which is why it's such a good fit. It was through my voluntary work that I got to know the charity and some of the staff.

I know getting kids out on time is stressful. I have to go to a monthly 9 am meeting and it's horrible. I just feel that I'm getting left behind and having to pass up great opportunities because of my caring responsibilities. I know some mums have to give up careers completely and I'm lucky that I can do what I do which uses my skills and qualifications to an extent.

I occasionally go to events with the charity I volunteer for and meet senior managers doing interesting things, giving talks on their work and think 'I should and could be doing that'. The new job is 'that' as it were. The sort of job that brings all my work and experience and qualifications together. But it's miles away. And I have toddlers. It's just a bit deflating.

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goteam · 31/03/2016 21:50

Quitelikely, thanks. You're right I know. I know I may come to regret not taking the opportunity. I just feel that it may be stressful right now. Also school?! My eldest starts in September and that's 8.30-4.30 with after school club plus I'll have to do a separate nursery pick up. How does that work? I just don't want to be a stressed frazzled mum....

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Frizzuk1986 · 04/04/2016 19:00

I went back to work after maternity leave and moved to a new role that I hoped would be better for my career. Firstly it hasn't been which has tarnished it but my god I miss time with my daughter. I still worked full time but location and hours meant I didn't have to drop her off at nursery as soon as the doors opened which I do now. I feel shattered and am looking for something else only a year later (although now I'm opting for a career change with an aim for a better work life balance later)
People are right that kids aren't kids forever so you do need to think of yourself but it's just that, they aren't kids forever. Unless it's the dream you've been waiting for and you know you'll love it or maybe you know if it was too much you could find something more suited (ie another wfh role) easily enough then I'd want to enjoy what time I had with my kids before they grew up.
Tough decision, good luck

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goteam · 04/04/2016 21:03

Thanks for sharing your experience Frizz. I think I'm erring on to side of staying put for now but my god, my boss is hideously awful and I have to be so false towards her to get by. I only have to see her around once a fortnight though. Kids aren't kids forever. Whf jobs like this aren't easy to come by tbh.

I hope your career change works out.