walked out my job, urgent advice needed!

[diamond457]

On Friday I walked out of my job. I haven't been happy in over a year but kept thinking things would improve, but they have got worse.
I have had problems on and off with my boss for over a year. To begin with it was constant criticism over petty, silly things that wouldn't be an issue for other people. She would gossip about me to colleagues, send messages about me to colleagues, try to trip me up on tasks etc.
I had a meeting last year with her boss and we all sat down and aired our differences.
Fast forward six months down the line and she was worse than ever before. I took ill in October, had to have surgery and she was very rude to me because I obviously had time off, one month. She would ignore and avoid me and having a pop at me was the only time she spoke to me.

For a month solid now she has ignored me. Doesn't say good morning, talks to others but not me. Doesn't explain tasks, ive either got to guess or have other people tell me. It all came to a head on Friday when she accused me of not doing my job properly, I can't go into too much detail as its quite complicated but basically she wanted me to sign 'a piece of paper' in her words and wouldn't listen to a word I said. I said Ive done nothing wrong I'm not signing it, I told her I've had enough. She said if I don't sign it then she will have to bring her boss in to make me sign it.
I got my keys and walked.
I sent an email to H.R. to contact me about a meeting as I'm not going back to work under those conditions. She sent the email to my bosses boss and said he will be in contact the same day...two days later I've not heard a thing.
I'm so angry. Now I keep panicking about money and how we will cope, because I cannot go back there! Its making me ill. Noone seems to give a shit about me as an employee and keep passing the buck. Help!

[HermioneWeasley]

How long have you worked there?

[jollyjester]

It sounds like you have grounds to raise a grievance for bullying. You should contact the HR department and check the procedure in your contact of employment.

Good luck. Nasty bosses are awful and can really dent your confidence but just try to remain string so she doesn't get away with it.

[diamond457]

Thank you for replies. I have worked there three years.
I contacted h.r. and got told its not for them to deal with but for her boss to deal with but so far waiting on a call that doesn't seem to be happening.
The whole situation is awful, I wish I could just walk away and be done with it.

[CountryLovingGirl]

Sounds like you may have a case for constructive dismissal. Are you in a union? If not, make an appointment with a solicitor (some give initial advice for free).

Sounds like horrid conditions. Hug x

[Fretfulparent]

See your GP and ask to be signed off with "work stress" so that you get paid whilst you get HR and union involved.
Sounds awful

[HermioneWeasley]

Agree, get yourself signed off with stress. Keep a note of all the conversations you've had with HR. They should have a grievance procedure you can follow and your complaint should be investigated by someone impartial.

[Yellowaveo59]

Contact Acas it's a free service and they will advise you the best way to broach this

[champagneplanet]

If you have no joy with HR you can go to ACAS, they are very good.

[resetbutton]

keep in mind that the boss will need to consider what has been said in your email and gather facts from people concerned before he/she can start dealing with it all. That might take a few days, so don't panic. There's no way any business in this day in age can just ignore you and hope the problem will go away. If they are investigating your line manager, you will not be informed of that. Everything will be confidential. They're probably talking to her about the situation and will contact you in due course.
I agree that getting a sick line is a good idea and perhaps a follow up email to whoevever is dealing with it to ensure they aren't considering you "AWOL". Make it very clear that you want to return to work but simply can't while you're being subjected to this.

[youdontknowmebut]

Do not resign. Get yourself signed off sick for at least a month. Raise an official grievance in writing. They have to respond within a certain amount of time, it's probably a week because they will have to gather evidence and think about their response. You could more or less use what you have posted here but go into more detail. You have been bullied by this person, it's not acceptable. The person has broke all rules of confidentiality in talking about you to your co - workers. Talk to an employment lawyer. I took a HUGE company for constructed dismissal and got an out of court settlement. I was written off sick the whole time. I can't say any more about my case as it's obviously highly confidential. You have a rough road ahead, my case took months. Be strong, stand your ground.

[DragonsCanHop]

You have had some good advice already so I just wanted to second it.

Go to your GP and ask to be signed off for work related stress. Keep a copy for your self and send it to your boss' boss, HR and I'd personally send it to payroll as well. You will then get ssp at least, but you can sign yourself off sick for the first 5 or 6 days yourself (ask the gp, I can't remember off the top of my head)

HR will advise your boss' boss on what to do but they will need to be investigating behind the scenes for now.

You could send your sick cert - fitness to work statement to the above and ask for an update. Also ask for a copy of the company handbook in raising a grievance. You should have been given a copy of this when you started and it should be on the company Tranent if you trust some one to get a copy for you.

Note everything down, try to keep it factual with good examples of how you feel you have been mistreated.

Check your house insurance, I have legal cover with free advice on mine.

Try not to panic, you have been their for 3 years and there will be (should be) a company policy and procedure for you all to follow.

You should be sent a letter inviting you to a meeting to investigate what has happened. If you are signed off sick this can be done where ever you feel comfortable.

[diamond457]

Thanks to everyone who has took the time to give advice. I have been signed off with anxiety. Her boss called and said he's sorry about the way I've been treated and asked me what I would like to do...he said she is obsessed with her job on an unhealthy level but he needs her there to do her job as no one else will do it. When I told him I can't work with her he told me to make an appt with h.r. and discuss my decision to stay or resign.

Three years of service and barely a tap on the wrist after all the trouble she's caused me. I'm the one pushed out my job but because it's easier to keep her, that's fine. I'm appauled.
I got offered a job as a care assistant today but I'm unsure. I got offered it straight away after the interview which raised alarm bells. Shifts are going to be all over the place which is awful for arranging childcare, not to mention school holidays.
Looks like I will need to take this job as I have no other option but to resign from this current mess.

[DragonsCanHop]

No, do not resign unless the money and hours are more favourable than trying to stake your greivence.

How long have you been signed unfit to work for?

Personally I would send him an email(email is better than phone calls because it's in writing) thanking him for his call and advising you would like to accept his offer of an apt with HR (copy them in on the email) so you can discuss your working environment and how stressed it has made you. Ask if you will be paid for your time off, don't mention ssp just will you be paid so you can sort your personal finances out.

Don't let them push you out!

Feel free to PM if you want help writing the email, best of luck and please take your time off to look after yourself

In regards to the other offer, I've offered roles on the spot after interviews because I just had a gut feeling about the candidate and haven't been proved wrong yet

[OzzieFem]

When you go to your meeting I would inquire whether your boss (the female) has received any counselling over the way she is acting. Yes, they may want to keep her because she is the only person willing to do it, (can't believe that) but she does need help.

OP Don't tender your resignation, you have seen a Dr and been placed on stress leave, so you should be paid for that month. Make an appointment to discuss the situation again towards the end of that period. If they fire you, then I would be looking for an unfair dismissal hearing.

[OzzieFem]

Just a thought. I would hold off going for job interviews until you have seen HR, it may invalidate your stress leave payments.

[diamond457]

The doctor signed me off just a week. But I am on tablets for anxiety. Actually think I had a panic attack ten mins ago heart felt like it was vibrating it was beating so fast and I couldn't take in a breath. 😣 I may have to just phone back and say I'm struggling. I hate asking to be signed off - almost feel like they must think I'm a slacker. I'm too proud a person to keep asking.
Good point ozziefem I better not mention anything about a job offer just now. Will have the meeting and see how it goes. I want to take it all the way but at the same time just want to move on and get away from it all. I loved my job, if it wasn't for her I would have been fine.

[DragonsCanHop]

Sorry I didn't reply last night I had an early night.

Have you told them you are signed off work yet and can you do it by email as suggested above?

[diamond457]

I sent my sick line in via post to h.r. and left it at that. Contact has been very limited. I think their attitude is just get shot of me as I'm a hassle. They know deep down I won't be coming back, they know they need to pay me when I'm signed off. I'm required to work four weeks notice but I reckon when I go into the meeting to discuss my decision they will just let me resign with immediate effect as they know I won't be coming back to work with my manager.
I don't feel comfortable asking for sick notes all the time. I am genuinely stressed and anxious but at my doctors surgery they don't sign you off unless you ask which I find embarrassing and desperate on my part. I'm not sure if the best thing to do would be to cut my losses, resign and be done with the place.

[DragonsCanHop]

Only you know what is best for you.

You shouldn't feel ashamed of asking for help when you need it.

Now you are signed off HR should invite you to a welfare meeting to talk about what you are feeling, if you need more than a week ask the gp for it and take it.

You shouldn't just let them push you out if the manager is in the wrong

I suppose you just need to decide whether you are going to give in and resign or try and work through it all via the procedures needed?

[diamond457]

Thanks dragons.
I'm going to go through the company policy about procedures before I make a decision for sure then have the meeting with h.r. and see how that goes.

[HoppingForward]

I think that is a good decision.

You are off sick and if you need to take longer than do so. Hopefully HR will right to you, remember you have the right for the meeting to take place in a mutually comfortable meeting place and to have some one with you. They can't talk for you but can be there as support and to help you remember what was said.

This also needs to be recorded and minuted for you to read and sign.

Good luck and look after yourself

[SirNiallDementia]

Before the meeting with HR, write down everything that has happened with examples of your Manager's behaviour, names of any witnesses to it and any documentation/ evidence you have (e.g. emails).

I would use that as the basis for the meeting with HR. Tell them you are being bullied by your manager, it is making you ill and you wish to raise a formal grievance. An independent manager will then have to be appointed to investigate your complaint and provide you with an outcome (as per grievance process, see ACAS website for more details)

It is not good enough for your 2nd line manager just so say that he is sorry but as the bully is good at her job she can carry on treating you like crap.

I would also start to think about whether you really want to continue working there. Submitting a grievance and info on how badly you have been treated could support you in asking for a compromise agreement (a payment to leave basically). And you could use the time off to look at other work.

In the meantime, stay off sick as you will be getting paid whilst off sick.

[diamond457]

Well after a lot of thought I've decided to raise a formal grievance. Very stressful and I'm dreading it but in the motions now. Joining the union tonight, they will only allow a member of staff or a union representitive in the room with me.
It angers me so much that I feel so humiliated and stressed, that I can't return to the job I once loved because someone has made me feel so upset to do my job. I have a family to support and feel the only way out of this is to get a dead end job to bring in some penny's, when I could have been living the dream in my current job but it's gone too far. I can't work under those conditions, I can't work with my boss again or face any of my collaeuges.

[HoppingForward]

What kind of meeting have they/did they invite you to?

I've sent you a private message

[sportinguista]

I could have written this about a year and a half ago. Exactly the same way of behaving as my old boss. I took a compromise agreement in the end after signing off sick for as long as I could. I ended up going self employed so no more horrible bosses at all.

Like in your case there was no question that the bully would be sacked or moved. You do need to get your head in the right place to move on though and realise it's not you it's them, you will come through this and go on to something better and you will look back and be able to put it firmly in the past.

I asked outright for a compromise agreement which some don't advise doing but as in your case I couldn't go back for my own sanity.

A year and a half on I'm head of my own successful business and I rarely bother thinking about my old work.