Getting a job with no family help

[helpme12]

Please help me. My husband has now demanded that I get a job bringing in at least £500 pm which is do able but I have no friends and no family to help with my 2 ye old son. My husband loves the fact that I do many activities, toddler groups etc with my son everyday and as a result he is an amazing, well rounded little boy. He says I don't keep the house up together enough and that I haven't lost the 3 stone I promised I would. My mum lives 2 hrs away and I've not seen her since August, we invited her to come next weekend and take her out for her birthday but he now says I have to cancel it as I don't have a job. He also agreed to try for another baby as I don't want my son to be an only child. Now he said I can't have one. He shouts and uses appalling language at me in front of our son and I cry for hours while my son cuddles me. I don't know what to do, if I get a job it can only be in the term time as son starts pre school 15 hrs funded from march. Please please help me.

[Xenia]

Poor you. Do you want to stay with your husband? That is the first issue. Whether you stay with him or not getting a job might be a good idea however.

You do not have the equal relationship many people achieve. In my world men as much as women arrange childcare and pay their half of it and women work fulll time and often outearn men. Plenty of children of working mothers do lots of activities each day and do very well with their mother at full time work.

Apparently it is harder to obtain a job if you are over weight so it might be good and also good for getting pregnant again if you want that to lose the 3 stone too and you might also feel happier and fitter too.

You have no power because you earn nothing. The solution is work.

[helpyourself]

The relationship sounds abusive. I'd get out. Weight, another baby, the job even are red herrings. They may well need sorting, but you need to address the relationship first. Probably by leaving him.

[helpyourself]

I've not name hanged btw, this was me before not nced to have a go!!

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Oh you sound trapped in an awful situation OP. your H sounds very unpleasant & controlling & I think that's the real problem, not the job.

How do you feel about your H? To me you sound quite intimidated, and very isolated. Btw, don't even think about the weight, you promising to lose weight to him sounds a terrible thing. It's very hard to lose weight if you feel awful about yourself or in a bad situation.., just saying, maybe there are reasons you've not been able to lose weight.

[fedupwithdeployment]

When I was at home with the boys when they were small, the house was a tip...and my DH insisted we get a cleaner.

As for the job plans...a lot of that would be cancelled out by childcare costs. What is the reasoning behind his demand you get a job? Financial necessity or simply bullying, because it sounds like the latter.

Taken together, it sounds absolutely dreadful, and I would say that you would be advised to get out. Is there any chance he might change? Was he always like this?

Getting a job and some independence would be great - agree with much of what Xenia says - but I would be making plans to leave.

[goralka]

he sounds like a total cunt - agree that you should make plans to leave.

[redskyatnight]

OP, I'd maybe ask to get this moved to Relationships? Lots of people there who can provide practical support.

[helpyourself]

I agree this is definitely a relationship issue not
An employment one.

[ChestnutsRoastingonaWitchesTit]

This really isn't about getting a job, you sound as though your hands are full enough as it is.
Your husband is not taking his responsibility in caring for you and your son, he, as the breadwinner has that obligation.
If you can, talk to him and get him to realise that the problems with chores and your unhappiness are just as much his burden as yours. Get your mum over for some moral support, don't let him dictate to you when family can visit. That's abuse.

[sleeplessinsuburbia]

It sounds like he's trying to insult you to inspire you to lose weight and tidy the house better. He's revolting.

[flowery]

Yes get this moved to Relationships, this is not a job/employment issue, it really isn't.

Your husband sounds horrific, and finding a job and working out whether you need family help to do it is not the pressing issue.

[OliviaMumsnet]

Hello there OP
Sorry to read this - it's tricky when they're young
Do let us know if you'd like us to move this to our relationships boards.

[Crinkle77]

This man is verbally and mentally abusive and he is trying to control you. It will only get worse if you have another baby with him

[givemeaclue]

This is not a job issue.

Don't have another baby with this idiot. Get help in the relationships section