Would you give up a job offer for a friend?

[MeantToStopAtTwo]

We both work for the same company but are looking to get out (along with virtually all its other employees as some very nasty things have gone on recently but that's a whole other thread). We have both applied for a job with a local competitor. I may be wrong but I am fairly certain that the job will go to one of us, as the other three people who have applied are also from our company and don't have nearly such relevant skills.

My friend REALLY, REALLY wants the job and has done so from the very start. It's in the exact field she's been looking to move in to for some time and there are not many jobs like it. It would also be absolutely perfect for her geographically as it's right near her home and the school her children are at. She said today that if she doesn't get it, she is seriously going abroad as there are no other comparable opportunities here at the moment.

For me, on the other hand, this is just one of many jobs which sound good. I'm much more of a generalist than she is and not nearly so bothered about my area of specialisation. I feel like I could probably be happy in quite a wide range of different environments. However, I don't currently have anything else in the pipeline, I do very badly want out, and if I were to be offered this position I would not hesitate to take it.

Would that be the right decision do you think? Or should I diplomatically decline and say I'd prefer it to go to my friend (assuming she is second choice)? How would you feel if you a good friend took the job of your dreams which you knew she wasn't that bothered about anyway?

[EffinNora]

Given what you say then yes, theoretically I would give it up for my friend.

However the choice wouldn't be yours. If you got it , you couldn't turn it down and say you'd prefer it go to your friend.

All you can do is nmot apply (assuming you know she is applying) and cross your fingers for her.

[hairylights]

No, I wouldn't.

[Bramshott]

As long as you wouldn't feel cheated if she didn't get it and instead it went to someone else.

[HappyAsASandboy]

I think it would be really risky to be honest.

If they offer you the job, are you going to ask them who their second choice is? I doubt they'd tell you, but if they did, you'd have a hard time back tracking if their second choice isn't your friend. If the second choice is your friend, are you then going to say 'in that case I decline'? If you did, I reckon they'll think that's a bit weird and might not give it to either of you.

All seems a bit strange to me. If you want your friend to have the job, withdraw your application and let her compete with the other serious candidates. If you want the job, I'd hope a friend wouldn't let this end the friendship.

[fgaaagh]

This is an odd post.

Either get out of the competition by withdrawing, or compete at an even level - you have no idea if the other candidates will be their 2nd, 3rd and even 4th choices.

But to answer your question - no, my happiness and the financial security of my family comes above friendships. They are high on my priority list, but if I was at a company where I was desperately unhappy and the whole workforce is low on morale (doesn't bode well for the future) then I have a duty to put my family first.

If your friend is as good as you think she'll find another job. Whether this particular one is close to her home, convenient, etc, is moot. Either compete, or don't. You can't have it half and half. However, this is a clear cut decision in my head based on some of the things about your current employer that you wrote.

[MeantToStopAtTwo]

Thank you everybody for replying. As it turns out, the job has gone to my friend anyway which is probably right and what she deserves.

I've been quite surprised actually by how dreadfully disappointed I'm feeling. When I first applied for this job nearly a month ago, I was hopeful that some other similar things would come along. Yet nothing has done and, having looked over the current selection of jobs this evening, it's frankly pretty dire. Meanwhile, things at my present organisation are getting worse and worse by the day... :(

[ThatVikRinA22]

given that you were apparently willing to give it up for your friend anyway i cannot understand your disappointment.
are you not pleased for your friend? you said yourself you were not that bothered. why not be happy for her and keep looking. im a firm believer in things always turning out for the best.

[MeantToStopAtTwo]

Agreed Vicar, I'm finding my disappointment surprising too. I honestly didn't think I would feel this way. I think it is partly because I had naively assumed that there would be at least one other comparable position which I could get on and apply for, yet there simply isn't anything. Of course I am pleased for my friend but at the same time I am filled with dread at the thought of having to go to work everyday in what has become a horrible environment, for what will likely be many months to come.

[valiumbandwitch]

Maybe you only told yourself that she wanted it more because that was the role she cast you in. Do you knwo what I mean?
Work would have been chaos if you were both 'champing at the bit' to get this job, so one of you had to assume the role of less keen than the other for the friendship to function at work. I used to work with a girl who was so annoyingly keen and peachy she sort of forced me into the role of the apathetic colleague because if I hadn't taken that role we literally would have been scrapping over work.
Does that sound like psycho babble.

[MeantToStopAtTwo]

Yes, there probably is something of that in it valium.

[MeantToStopAtTwo]

Come to think of it, I have been playing it reaalllly cool.