Bullying and general piss taking

[CJ2010]

I'm actually posting this message for my DP as we could really do with some of your advice, esp those who work in HR.

DP has worked for the same bank for 8 years now and has not been promoted once. It appears that this is due to a personality clash with his boss and nothing to do with his work (It's the sort of industry where you would be straight out of the door if you were underperforming).There have been some nasty situations with this boss and he has bullied DP quite badly. I told DP to keep a log on these incidents in a diary which he has done.

DP has a lot of responsibilty, but this is not reflected in his pay and when new people are recruited he has to train them up, even when they are coming in at a more senior level and paid more! A new member of staff was recruited last year and DP was told that this person was going to be more 'junior' than him, but it turns out this guy is being paid more and DP has to go to him to get things signed off. He feels humiliated.

To sum it up, DP's face does not fit with his manager and even though he does a good job, he is missing out on promotions - but what can we do about it?

In July, his company dish out their yearly promotions and DP is feeling so stressed that he will miss out again. He feels humiliated and it is really bothering him. Although the extra money would be great, it's more about him feeling like he is respected. He is a lovely, kind man and he works in a very macho, aggressive environment, it's almost like they take advatange of his good nature. He says he will go off sick and I will fully support him in what he decides to do.

I just wanted to put in down in writing to let off steam a bit, as I hate to see him treated like this, but I would also like some advice. If he doesn't get his promotion, -what course of action should he take? Is there a set procedure i.e speak to HR or just go and get signed off with stress.

Please help!

[SenoritaViva]

How big is the company? Is there an HR department? If the company is of a reasonable size there should be policies (HR Manual) in place that cover these incidents.

There should also be appraisals in place that would give your DH a clear idea of his performance etc. Generally a good manager or company should be transparent about why someone has not been promoted. There is also the issue of unfair pay which could be investigated.

I am not an expert, but I would seek further advice on what can be done.

[Pinkjenny]

Is he being given the opportunity to apply for positions that come up and not getting them? Does he have regular performance reviews?

[flowery]

"If he doesn't get his promotion, -what course of action should he take? Is there a set procedure i.e speak to HR or just go and get signed off with stress."

"Just getting signed off with stress" isn't a course of action to take in order to address concerns at work. It's not a tactic. Your DH's health is an entirely separate issue, although of course the two are interlinked and one may be to a large degree causing the other. It's not 'speak to HR or get signed off with stress' - those two options are not solutions to the same problem.


If your DH is not well enough to go to work he should go and see the doctor, and the doctor may or may not sign him off and it may or may not be for stress. Completely separately from that, he needs to work out what actual courses of action hecantake to address his concerns at work.

What everyone else said, what performance appraisals/other feedback has he had. If this happens annually, presumably he asks his manager for feedback as to why he was overlooked, what does his manager say?

[RibenaBerry]

Getting signed off sick with stress is not a solution to anything. As Flowery has said, if he isn't well enough to work then of course your DH should speak to his doctor. However, being signed off just means he's at home, probably getting more annoyed/angry/upset and demoralised. And then, at some point (depending on the company scheme) he'll stop being paid. It can be incredibly hard to go back to work after a sickness absence for stress. It takes a lot of determination and support, and if the underlying problem has not been addressed it will be very hard.

You need to think beyond the immediate. Although 'getting signed off' is superficially attractive if you get sick pay, it's going to fix nothing and could lead to a not particularly amicable departure and a further dent to self confidence. I think your husband needs to grasp the situation and think about whether to put in a grievance and/or speak to HR, or whether he should directly speak to his manager and challenge what's been happening, or whether to start polishing the CV and find somewhere better.

[Vix1980]

I really hate to hear of anyone being bullied especially where it seems that a manager is just taking advantage of someones good nature, I would definatly do as the others have suggested and speak to the HR dept if they have one, and bring up some issues such as the fact that your husband is training these "juniors", then having to go to them to get his work signed off - wrong on all levels! if hes trained them he is seen as senior to them so i would start with that, then move on to the passed over for promotion for the past 8 years.

It is hard, but the only way to make a change is to stand up for yourself (himself), if you try down the compaints route and still nobody takes any notice, keep on moving up the company ladder till somebody does something, good luck

[domesticslattern]

8 years is a long time to work in the same place, especially in that industry. DH works in banking and has found that promotions come by moving, not by staying put. Has your DH considered applying to other companies who would appreciate him more?

[mumoverseas]

OP, I could have practically written your post word for word in relation to my DH and what he has experienced over recent years.

He has raised his concerns/issues numerous times and has been ignored. His line manager even said that he was not the least bit interested in him or the work he does! His health (and that of the whole family) was starting to suffer so he ended up resigning a few days ago. Although it is a huge step, a huge loss of salary and he has no job to go to and it will mean uprooting us and kids, I have not seen him this happy and relaxed for years. He says that he feels like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

Agree with others, going sick is not the answer, he should try to raise it with HR if possible. Good luck

[InMyPrime]

If he doesn't get on with his boss and has been overlooked for promotion for 8 years now, it's probably time to move on from the job. He shouldn't view that as a personal failing but simply as a mismatch between what he wants out of life / a job and what his employer is looking for in their employees. If he's a good-natured, kind person and he works with a bunch of macho bullies, surely that's not the right environment for him anyway?

I know it's easier said than done but from my own experience (currently in legal dispute with an employer I should probably have left 2 years ago when the writing was on the wall before things got really nasty), you're better off getting shot of a bad employer as it's just not worth the stress. 'Going off sick' won't improve anything for him as he would only be viewed as weak or unable to cope by a macho boss. It might only help him personally if he used his sick leave to job-hunt intensively and move on from this bad situation. If he feels undervalued by his boss/colleagues, it's probably because they most likely do take him for granted by now, since he hasn't left or fought for a promotion in 8 years. If he job-hunts, it might give him a chance to go to his boss and say 'I've had another offer of x salary with y bank and am thinking of moving on'. It would at least give him a bargaining chip to make them realise that other employers will value him if this bank doesn't.

[CJ2010]

Thank you for all your messages, some of you have suggested he look for another job, but it's so tough out there at the moment, plus im due to give birth to DC2 in August, so we already have a lot on our plate.

I take your point about not using the sick leave as a tactic, I can see that it could cause more problems long term.

It seems from what you have all said, speaking with HR is the best option and then taking it from there. It's a crap situation, why can't people just be nice? I've never understood workplace bullying, we spend most of our life at work, why can't people just get along or at least be civil to each other?