problems at work

[livinginthesticks]

Hi, I happily worked in my job for over 10 years and am respected and liked with my co-workers. The last year hasn't been easy as there have been many changes but we have all recently started on a new project. Can't say too much about as I don't want anyone in RL to recognise me. I was offered the opportunity to apply for the project manager job but decided against it and a project manager was appointed. He was a redeployee and is an experienced project manager but knows nothing about the very technical job that it is.

From the offset there have been many problems, miscommunications and misunderstandings. He has patronised and upset most people on our team but especially me. He has been downright rude to me on a few occasions.

Last week he told me to do one thing and then when I started doing it he completely contracticed me in front of other people in a meeting. I admit I over reacted and got upset and walked out of the meeting. Over the weekend I thought about it hard, wrote my boss (not him) a long email explaining my actions and why I'd been so upset. I had a meeting with my boss today and I apologised for overreacting and said I wanted to work better with the project manager and move on etc. We agreed what I would do and everything seemed to be moving on but I did say that in future I wanted clear instructions about what to do and to be treated with respect.

He organised a 2nd meeting between the 3 of us and I repeated what I said, apologised, said I wanted to move on but that I wanted clear instructions about what to do and to be treated with respect. To this the project manager replied that he now wanted me to be disciplined, to have HR present in every meeting with me, for me to leave the project, to take it further etc...

Don't know what to do, I have 2 kids at home, really need the job and not the stress.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[trixymalixy]

What did your boss say when the project manager said he wanted you off the project etc? Really he/she should be dealing with this.

[trixymalixy]

Sorry meant to say it sounds very stressful for you, but you have to remember that you are in the right here and should really be the one raising a complaint against him.

[livinginthesticks]

thank you for replying. My boss is now talking to his boss, it all seems to have escalated. I think I may be taken off the project. Last week I said that was what I wanted to my boss too but I calmed down over the weekend and tried to think of how to smooth things over. I thought asking for a bit of respect and clear instructions were quite reasonable.

[Missingfriendsandsad]

project manager doesn't sound like a project manager to me - he should be efffective at dealing with people under the pressures that project work puts people under and should be changing the way he deals with people as he learns more about how his project team work. A project manager who behaves like this should be whisked off the project. Your requests are reasonable in normal working life, but even more so to a person tasked with being a project manager as project control, delivery and planning all require clear communications.

Project managers also need to have the ability not to alienate your team when tensions are high. If they can't do so, then they won't be effective at the critical points in a project - just before implementation when morale is low, or at the rough 60% achievement point, where there usually is a period when the team feels that the project is not realisable.

It will be good for the project for these tensions to be dealt with now - as long as your project manager and both of your managers stay calm and .. manage.

If you have good HR, talk to them and say that you are concerned that the project is a success and that in order for that to happen you think sensible communication guidelines need to be worked out, but the project manager is resistant to input from a more experienced and knowledgeable team and you feel he is missing out on valuable expertise as well as losing support of the team and can they help you work with him o0n these cultural and team management issues.

If you have bad HR then you may need to prepare for a period of managing upwards.

I think most HR, if they think a manager is using 'bringing in HR' as an empotionally-led threat they would be concerned about his ability to manage.

If this had happened to me as a project manager I would go straight to you and apologise and ask what communication I was missing and ask for help on how I should handle that, and draw you in to be more involved in the planning of communication flows and I would also (I hope) as you to draw up communication guidelines for the project and monitor whether or not each person had information relevant to their input throughout.

Project management is about using incidents like this to build strength and understanding in the team and/or identify who really cares about what issues so use it as an opportunity to be clear to him that you have an awareness of how people work in your area and that if you are managed well, you think you can really help him perform - do that bit in front of HR if he really insists... ;)

[livinginthesticks]

thank you for writing such a long response - it really helps. Going to HR myself is something I don't want to do. I just don't want to escalate things, I want things to improve and for the project to end (and him to leave). I have never heard of anyone going to HR before in our team and it seems really drastic if he does that.

I am dreading tomorrow.

[livinginthesticks]

it also sounds like you really know what you are talking about as a project manager!

[tiggersreturn]

Speaking from the perspective of the managed, I'm sure you know your office structure best but there are ways to protect your position aggressively as well.

I had a recent situation in which a project that had appeared shelved suddenly came back to life with a vengeance when I had another really urgent cisis which definitely took precedence over it on every level. The project manager (not always easiest or clearest to get along with) asked me if I had 5 mins, I said 5 but only 5. He then tried to call me for a meeting which I refused on the grounds that when I said 5 I meant exactly 5, he was brusque and I returned in kind. I suggested to him that he talk to his big boss (3 levels up) on the same project as my really urgent one and at the same time got another big boss to do the same to his big boss. Basic message being "tigger is only 1 person with so many hours in the day, she can't be a doppelganger!". Message got through and I got a much more polite request and much gratitude when I fitted in some of the work. Eventually after a few more exchanges project completed and he sent me a really nice and surprising present (so he's now much higher up the popularity chart).

Point is if HR is the way to aggressively manage this situation then use them. If office politics are a better way then use those but he doesn't have to be the one calling the shots. He is as much at risk as you here as the success of the project will be put down to him and killing a team is not the way to go about it. Particulary if your treatment is not an isolated incident.

One other thing - although best for person to person meeting- most men can't deal with tears. It can be quite useful although use sparingly.

[Missingfriendsandsad]

:) to tears! Doesn't work with all men - some go 'aha! Tears! and mean either 'I've won' or 'she's unstable (ref US apprentice!)' or 'tactics!' but it does work with HR who see 'stress breakdown' and 'poor you he's gone too far' (lets face it, most front line HR people are women :) Some men do, though, get really sobered up by tears - and good project managers will not care if its tactics or not, they will regard it as a signal of something they have to deal with somehow..