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Elderly parents

DM"s hoarding

5 replies

KikoMiko · 15/04/2021 14:50

I avoid going to my DM's house because it is quite repulsive. She's 78 and has has mental health problems for years, more acutely since my DF died 22 years ago. I had to go there today as she needs a new washing machine and I needed to help her order it online. I think I'd kidded myself that the house wasn't too bad. Well I was wrong, very wrong.

There was not one seat to sit on in the lounge, everywhere is just piled with stuff. The kitchen work surfaces are covered, she has a tiny chopping board sized area to prepare food. And the whole place of just filthy. I'm embarrassed for her. I said she'll need to clean before the new machine is delivered, but she doesn't seem concerned at all.

How on earth do I get her to clean and get rid of stuff? It cannot be healthy to live like that? My DB is coming to stay in a month or so - he lives 200 miles away - but I'm not even sure where to start. It's so upsetting as it's a lovely little cottage and my DF would be so sad to see it like this.

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DogsSausages · 15/04/2021 14:54

There are cleaners who specialize in hoarding, maybe Google and see if there is someone in her area., would it be worth contacting her m.h worker to tell them your concerns.

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DogsSausages · 15/04/2021 14:56

You could see if HoardersUK can offer advice and support

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KikoMiko · 15/04/2021 15:09

I'm tempted to get the professionals in but not sure she'll let me. She's very attached to stuff, buys way more than she has room for so I doubt very much she part with anything that easily. I've cleaned up before, but within a few weeks she's back to her usual mess.

We do need to sort it out as her mobility is bad now and the house really isn't suitable for her needs anymore. Ideally we want to sell this house (it's held in trust for me and DB) and find her somewhere more modern and easier to look after, but nobody on their right mind would buy it the way it is at the moment.

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AcornAutumn · 15/04/2021 21:24

Does she want to move?

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KikoMiko · 16/04/2021 11:47

Yes. She's never liked the house. There is a very long and complicated back story. The short version being that DM divorced DF in the mid-nineties. DF then found out he was terminally ill in his mid 50s. DF and DM got back together and eventually remarried just before he died so that DM would be entitled to a widow's pension.

Whilst they were divorced, DF bought the house DM lives in now but she never liked it, thought it wasn't grand enough for her so has always never been happy there. To compound the issue, the garden is now virtually inaccessible for her - up steep steps which she struggles with.